Hi all, I'm new here. Just needing some advice really or just a place to vent.
I'm 33, married and been with my husband 9 years and married for 3, we live in a private rented house, have a car, both work and currently have 2 girls, aged 11 and 5. My eldest is not my husbands biological daughter but she does not seem her own dad and hasn't done for a few years now and has always seen my husband as her dad. I found out a few weeks back I was unexpectedly and totally unplanned pregnant after being advised to take a contraceptive break by my doctor due to suffering migraines an high BP, I was off the pill one month an due to go for a review to see how I had been and if I could go back onto it or change (alot of other options dont agree with me) as full time parents I must admit, we don't get much time at all to 'do the deed' so I told him about having this month break off the pill and he was fine, no biggie really, anyway one random night around valentines day one thing lead to another, I made it clear not to forget I wasn't on anything but he just shrugged it off, he said it took months to get pregnant with my other two, nothing will happen.. (stupid I know) a few weeks later I was due my review but I started feeling strange, extremely sore boobs, spots, bloating, back ache and needing to pee more, thought my period was due.. Nothing happened so decided to take a test just to be sure expecting it to say negative, boom positive. I instantly thought oh crap 🤦♀️ but hey ho, we both knew before we did the deed. I told him an he went mad, holding his head in his hands saying no we can't do this, telling me I need to get rid, I went to my gp to tell her I was pregnant (6wks) an broke down an told her I was unsure what I wanted an considering termination, he squoze my hand when she asked did I was her to book it, so I reluctantly agreed. It was for 2 weeks after an I would of been 8 weeks. I told him a few days before the appointment I couldn't do it, he ignored it, I then told him again the day before the appointment I couldn't do it to which he went mad again saying if I kept it I would be risking everything etc. I didn't go to the appointment, he knew I didn't go. I referred myself to the antenatal booking line at the hospital and due to covid19 going on have only just had my booking in app over the phone, I'm due to go for my first scan today I'm 13+4. I told him I had my scan today and he completely ignored it, no acknowledgement what so ever, he is in work today but when he left this morning there was no 'let me know how it goes' etc, I have had to ask my close friend to take me and sit with my girls while I attend as he has not made any arrangement to leave work early or nothing. My mum and dad know and a few of my close friends, but none of his friends or family know, he just will not tell anyone. I feel so lonely like I am living 2 separate lives. The baby was a mistake and totally unplanned I get that, but things happen for a reason and I believe the right thing to do is keep it. There is no specific 'right time' to bring a new baby into the mix and as we are married, in a long term relationship with a home, stable jobs an income etc. Call me silly if you want, I know people will have different views on this. Has anyone else been in the same situation? He says it will ruin everything, we won't be able to cope, we will need to move, get a bigger car, it'll ruin things at work, an it'll risk his chances of getting promoted into a hgv driver apprenticeship at work that he's been trying to get into for so long. Am I being selfish? Is he being selfish? Please help! :(