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Controversial question!

28 replies

lockdownpregnancy · 05/05/2020 12:09

Hi ladies!
I have my 20 week scan next week and I'm hoping baby is perfectly healthy and growing well.
Now whilst babies health is our number 1 priority we are going to find out the sex of the baby and both me and my DH are really hoping it's a boy!
Is that bad? Does anyone else feel like that?
I just know I'll be disappointed if they tell me it's a girl, but on the complete flip side I know neither of us will care once baby arrives and as long as baby is well that's all that matters at the end of the day.
I was just curious if anyone else was hoping their baby was going to be certain sex!
I'm hoping I'm not the only one that feels like this 😬😬😬
Please don't judge me 😫 I just want other people's take on this

OP posts:
BlueBooby · 05/05/2020 12:10

I didn't have this feeling but if you search for "gender disappointment" threads on Mumsnet you'll see it's fairly common.

mamablondie2 · 05/05/2020 12:13

I get it! I got lucky with mine and got exactly what I wanted but I would have been disappointed yes. Totally normal. Don’t let people guilt trip you x

MentholChill · 05/05/2020 12:19

I wasn't so much hoping for a girl but I had it in my head that that's what we were having (I'm the only girl on my side of the family and everyone I know that's had babies recently have had boys). Turns out we're have a .... boy! Lol.

I thought I'd be slightly disappointed but I honestly amn't! If your little one does turn out to be a girl then you might be surprised by how you feel about it, and as you say, you won't care either way when they are actually here x

sel2223 · 05/05/2020 12:26

It's a lot more common than people like to admit, If you search previous threads on MN you'll find loads of people in a similar position.
I think it's a good idea to find out now so you have time to adjust and get used to the idea if it's not the sex you were hoping for. Like you said, baby will be loved regardless and hopefully he or she is healthy. Just keep reminding yourself that that's the most important thing.

Katnissx · 05/05/2020 12:26

I already have a boy and am expecting again, and although we really will be happy either way I ever so slightly hope it's a girl 😬 and I feel like I would be slightly disappointed if I found out it was a boy and that's part of the reason we've decided not to find out the gender until birth as I know from my first, where we did the same, it really will not matter at all when that baby is handed into your arms 🥰

lockdownpregnancy · 05/05/2020 12:47

Thank you ladies! I feel slightly relieved I'm not the only one that feels this way! 😝
As we all said once baby is here it won't matter at all! All I truly care about is that baby is healthy, but it still doesn't stop me from hoping it's a boy! 😬😬😬

OP posts:
Sb131216 · 05/05/2020 12:52

I was a bit like this with dd, after 2 losses before her I was just desperate for a healthy baby but I really hopes for a girl, possibly because I had a gut feeling when every single person around me was certain it would be a boy

This time I have no preference but for sake of hand downs and saving money another girl would be easier but I'd be so happy with a boy too.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

(if it is a girl I am sure when you have your head around it and start looking at all those girly bits or baby bits in general it will be just as exciting)

Anonymum263 · 05/05/2020 12:58


Anonymum263 · 05/05/2020 12:59

I wanted a girl and I had one until "he" turned 12.

MrsRose2018 · 05/05/2020 13:01

Hi OP,

Pregnant with first baby and always wanted a girl. In my head I’ve only ever pictured myself with a girl! Queue my 16 week private gender scan and I’m having a boy!

I was genuinely upset! Not because I wouldn’t love the baby I had but because it just wasn’t what I had planned on - and FYI to anyone who tries to tell you to pose this question to someone who’s had miscarriages and struggles to conceive - that’s me!

But all it took was a Burger King 😂😂 and we went and bought a wee baby boy outfit and now I couldn’t imagine him not being a he and would be sad if the scans were wrong and it was a girl!

Hormones are crazy shit and you’re allowed to have a pref! So be disappointed if it’s not what you want but honestly it won’t last I promise you!! x

Frazzlerock · 05/05/2020 13:05

What if you have a boy and he likes 'girly' stuff? What if you have a boy and they identify as a female?

I get it, really I do, but please please just hope for an alive and healthy baby. No matter what their sex is, you can't possibly predict their gender so it seems irrelevant to me.

Catherine1210 · 05/05/2020 13:13

I felt the exact same before the scan and I got the gender that I had never pictured me having, my partner said he had mentally prepared for the moment we were told the sex and it wasn’t what I was expecting. He thought I’d be really disappointed.

From the bottom of my heart the minute I heard everything was ok with the baby, the gender actually turned out as my last priority and when they did say the gender, I was shocked, laughed and said it wasn’t what I’d guessed. Then within seconds imagined myself with my baby and have been so excited since. I’m now going crazy buying clothes and getting all excited, loss all sense of being sensible but I’m in such a happy bubble and loving buying baby bits.

So please don’t worry too much, if you’d asked me the day before my scan would I be disappointed I would have said yes, the second they told me all those feelings genuinely disappeared and I was delighted.x

LH1987 · 05/05/2020 13:17

I totally get this. My the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy, I was sure I was having a boy and I was really excited about that. My husband very openly wanted a boy. I think I had built up in my head what having a little boy would be like and who he would be etc.

Come my 20 week scan and the sonographer tells us we are having a girl. My husbands smile became quite fixed for a couple of seconds in the scan but directly after he was saying how great it will be to have a little girl. Pretty quickly we got used to the idea of a little girl and are now excitedly awaiting her (34 weeks now). As you said, it doesn't really matter either way but it is hard not to think about gender when you are imagining what your baby will be like :)

lockdownpregnancy · 05/05/2020 13:29

@LH1987 I really won't care afterwards as baby being healthy is what truly matters, I've just convinced myself it's a boy as well!
@frazzlerock a boy is a boy and a girl is a girl, regardless of what they wish to identify as when they get older. You cannot change genetics and DNA. Baby pops out with a penis, I'm not assuming it's a boy, he will be a boy. That it is a fact.
If my child wishes to identify as the opposite sex I won't care, as long as my child is happy.
If my child is a homosexual, bisexual, whatever, I won't care, as long as they are happy.
As my title to the post says, controversial question and everyone's opinion is welcome, as you are entitled to it 🥰🥰

OP posts:
Frazzlerock · 05/05/2020 13:39

a boy is a boy and a girl is a girl, regardless of what they wish to identify as when they get older. You cannot change genetics and DNA. Baby pops out with a penis, I'm not assuming it's a boy, he will be a boy. That it is a fact. - correct!

I was just pointing out that you might not have the boy you dream of, that is all. Thank you for answering my question Smile

As I said, I get it, I really do - in fact when I had DC2 (11 years ago and before I lost 4 babies) I was hoping for a girl. Now, in hindsight, the thought of wishing for either makes me wince.

I wish you a very successful pregnancy and the little boy you wish for Smile - I wish they had a smile that didn't look so sarcy! haha!

lockdownpregnancy · 05/05/2020 13:48

Bless you @Frazzlerock and so sorry for your 4 lost babies! How awful for you 😢
Glad to hear it all turned out well for you with your daughter 🥰🥰

OP posts:
Frazzlerock · 05/05/2020 13:56

I had a boy Grin I have two big boys and now expecting a baby again in November (hopefully we will get to meet this one)

Mucklowe · 05/05/2020 14:07

I'm not going to mince my words. Gender (sex) disappointment is a bloody disgrace. You are incredibly lucky to be pregnant. Think about that for a while. Look at the infertility boards. The miscarriage threads. Then give your head a massive wobble and be thankful for what you have.

zscaler · 05/05/2020 14:12

My brother and SIL both wanted a girl but as soon as they found out they were having a boy the both found themselves wanting that instead. I think as long as you don’t let it influence how you feel about the baby it will be fine! Just keep reminding yourself that sex isn’t a predictor of personality or character or anything like that, and I’m sure whatever you have you will love them.

AliasGrape · 05/05/2020 14:49

I have wanted children for a long time, was preparing to go it alone before I met DH, then when DH and I did start trying we had a lot of struggles ttc and ended up requiring fertility treatment. In all that time I always pictured myself with a girl. Also I have quite a few (8!) nephews and nieces and whilst I love them all equally I’ve been particularly involved/ close to my littlest nieces since they were born, just through location/circumstances and because I’ve been in a position to help out a lot more with childcare etc. So maybe that’s why my brain ran to ‘girl’ when I imagined children of my own.

I’m 28 weeks pregnant now. We haven’t found out the sex. It’s just not something I’ve ever considered finding out as nobody in my family or amongst close friends ever did and my mum always said to me it’s the surprise that keeps you going at the end! But I also think I didn’t want to ask as I knew I’d feel a tiny bit disappointed if they said I was having a boy. And I didn’t want to feel like that even for a second. Whereas I knew that once the baby was here I wouldn’t care one bit either way. I don’t care either way now really - in fact I wouldn’t say I have a strong gut feeling but maybe a slight inkling this baby is a boy, and always unconsciously use ‘he’ when talking about the baby.

To be fair my 20 week scan took so long and there was so many crazy positions I had to get into to try to encourage the baby to move, and I was so anxious that everything would be ok and to be honest starting to panic why on earth this baby wouldn’t bloody move, that any thoughts about asking the sex went completely out of my head anyway.

lockdownpregnancy · 05/05/2020 15:09

@AliasGrape well congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope everything continues to go well for you 🥰🥰
@mucklowe I think your comments are a bit harsh. I can't help how I feel and you're comment is the perfect example of why my subject header is 'controversial question'
I'm fully aware of how lucky I am and as you will see on my original post I'm more concerned over baby being healthy, but I can't help that I have these thoughts and as you can see, I'm not the only one, who feels this way.
As I also said I won't care once baby arrives!
To be honest, I probably won't care 30 seconds after I find out, but I wanted to put the point out there to see others comments/opinions.
I'm aware of the struggles people go through TTC and my heart goes out to them, it really does! I can't even imagine their pain

OP posts:
LH1987 · 05/05/2020 15:16

@mucklowe, the OP didn't say she wasn't thankful to be pregnant. She also didn't pose this question in a conception board where I can see it would have been inappropriate. People are allowed to feel this way, without downplaying the struggles of others.

MrsRose2018 · 05/05/2020 17:57

@lockdownpregnancy what did I tell you eh?? Told you you would get that comment!

PrincessHoneysuckle · 05/05/2020 17:59

Makes a refreshing change for someone on here wanting a boy tbh!

Theforest · 05/05/2020 18:23

If you dont care once the baby arrives, maybe you should wait until the birth then no disappointment potential Grin

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