22 too young?

[Halli2020]

Hi guys. I’m 22 years old, I’ll be 23 in December and ever since I was little I’ve wanted my own family. Mainly because I don’t really have a family around me for support etc. I have a large one bedroom flat with a garden which I’m currently doing up. So if I was to have a baby he or she would be able to sleep in my room and have plenty of space to play etc. I work as a care assistant and I’m currently saving to buy the baby all it’s essentials. I have a boyfriend who is very supportive and caring. We have both been thinking of having a baby. I am studying childhood studies at university in september so I’m hopefully wanting to try for a baby at the end of the year. Am I too young? It’s all I ever think about at the moment. I would just love to have a human baby to love and take care of, I have a cat but that’s just not the same lol. Any thoughts or opinions would be appreciated. I know the other side of my family won’t approve of it but really it’s my decision. Thank you:)

Met my partner at 20 got engaged within a few months on my 21st pregnant with our first 6/7 months later had her at 22 and now pregnant with our second and al be 24 August time! When you know you know and we have never been happier so doesn't matter what age or how long you have been with the person or that I don't think! X

I would just love to have a human baby to love and take care of, I have a cat but that’s just not the same lol.
22 might not be too young for some but this makes you sound awfully young.

What's the rush? Finish your studies first, get some savings put away; try to move to a bigger flat too – the one bed might feel roomy now but the novelty of a kid in your bedroom wears off. They don't stay babies for long.

I had my first at 23 so very similar, but I do think get at least 2 years of uni under your belt first. You don't realise how much time you'll want to spend with baby and before you know it the degree will have gone out the window.

I am all for having babies young. I had my son at 19. I believe it is physically easier and healthier to have babies at a young age. I am 42 now (he is 23) and we are so close and are really good friends. In relation to finances/work etc there is probably never a right time to start a family, so just go for it. Good luck

It does sound like you are better prepared for a baby than many people your age. As a previous poster has pointed out you can get your child care fees fully paid as a student so you may be financially better off having a baby whilst at university as child care is a parents main cost.

The main thing I would consider is your boyfriend. Is he supportive of you? Does he do housework ? What if you split up and you were left with the baby on your own? What if you split and he wanted shared custody?

If you want a baby have a baby. You can never be fully prepared for it whatever your age and in all honesty some younger prod better than older people as they are less used to having years of freedom etc.

Hi,
I had my first at 20, 2nd at 24. I was way more prepared with my 2nd as I’d started my career in a well paid job and had my own home. My first wasn’t planned, however, I didn’t feel ‘too young’. I felt not ready, but I could have been 30 and felt the same as I never expected to get pregnant cause I was taking the pill.

I have no regrets having a child at 20, I don’t feel I missed out on much. I lost my dad when I was 22 and I’ve always thought, If he had me when he was the age I was to start having children then he’d have been here for all big milestones like having all my children, walking me down the aisle etc. He was in his late 30s when he had me so after having my first I’d decided to have all my children in my 20s.

If you’re starting to study it might be an idea
To wait til you’re finished so as not to slow things down, but if you’re both really set on the idea then don’t let other people thinking you’re too young stop you.

The best time to have a baby is at university. You'll get a grant for childcare and if your partner is supportive, you'll have time on the weekend to catch up with study.

University is great if you already have a child. Getting pregnant and trying to do work when fatigued is not a good idea.

Other than that, your motivation for having a child isn't the best, sounds like filling a void.

And at 22, how stable is your relationship, honestly? I'm not saying it's not, but it's something to think about.

The age itself isn't the problem, many girls have kids younger. But wouldn't recommend on your position

Background: under 20 at university with a toddler. Very different to a newborn, I can offload her at nursery!

Personally I think 22 is too young- don’t get me wrong I love my child but they change your life and limit you so much.
Maternity leave is one thing, how will you pay for childcare once you return? You won’t have a lot of money left to save for a bigger home.
At 22 I would focus on studying, perhaps travel. It doesn’t mean you can’t still be a young mum.
Would you want to get married before having a baby?

I got married at 22 after uni. Could you get married first? As a married couple, you could possibly pool your resources and then you would be in a better position to decide what to do.

My niece had a baby at 22. Dad couldn't cope (m so didn't move in (even though he promissed the world before) with her and realistically she hardly saw the baby the first few years. Her days were spent studying and her evenings and weekend were spent working because she needed the money. If you want a baby I would advise you to do your degree first. It's such a shame to have a baby and then hardly be able to cuddle it yourself. Much better to have a baby and work parttime and have the evenings together.

The only thing I would make sure of is that your accommodation is secure. You don't want to be worrying about that when you have a baby to protect and look after.

Otherwise you sound responsible and loving. There is nothing wrong with being a young mum, some of us just have that urge. I had my first at 21 and at 26 have just completed my family with a third. I'm very happy and I'm also doing a degree by distance learning, my mum also did a degree when she had young kids/was pregnant and working so it is doable!

And I do agree a supportive partner is essential. I don't want to sound nasty and stereotypical, but although many women make great young mums, I think young men can find it a lot harder to adjust. My partner is 9 years older than me so was not in his early twenties when we had our first. Don't know if it would have worked out the same with a fellow 21 year old

I was 19 when I had my first, 21 second and 25 third. All my 3 are happy healthy adults and I'm still young enough to be an active Grandparent. If your ready then go for it and enjoy your life 😉

It would have been too way young for me. I think it depends on lots of things - that you don't live with your boyfriend is a factor, living with some one is a different experience - there's always loads of threads about couples moving in together and the man has never learnt to cook or clean or he likes gaming with his mates until 3am every morning. Are your friends starting families yet? It can be pretty lonely as a mum and if your pals are still out partying every weekend while you're doing night feeds that could be hard. The novelty of a baby wears off fairly quickly!

On a practical point, I've worked at several universities and they are often difficult to work round for things like childcare - your course might be 16 hours a week, but that could be 16 hours over 4 days and those hours could change in September and January with the new terms. The child care grant might not actually cover the hours you need to do your course.

You are not too young and you sound like you have really thought about this. I had my son at 17 and i just want to let you no that it is not easy. And if i had my life to live over i would have waited a little longer untill i had my dream job, car and house. Hes now 11 though and wouldn't change it for the world. Good luck on your decision x

Better to wait until it is clear that you and your partner will stay together. This isn't intended to be a conservative lecture, just a statement that if your bf doesn't stick around, life as a single mum will be harder and is a bit precarious if you get ill
etc. I don't have anything against single mums - they have my admiration - but I don't think I would have a baby in a situation in which I didn't have a lot of financial security or relationship security. It seems to me that you don't really have either, even if you think you do at the moment. Your flat will be too small later on past the baby/toddler stage and how will you be able to save for a bigger place if your relationship breaks down and you have to meet the cost of your child too?

Having done uni after having my son, I'd absolutely advise getting the degree finished first. Dealing with sleepless nights, childhood illnesses, childcare, etc, while also trying to study and complete assignments is so much more difficult than doing it without those responsibilities.

22 isn't too young imo.
However I think you should get everything else lined up before trying for baby. Trust me doing a degree with a newborn, although doable, it's hard! I wouldn't recommend it.

I had my son at 26 and I honestly think it was the youngest I could have managed. I’ve found parenting much more difficult than I expected - mainly the constant and unrelenting aspects of it. I am also very clear about the type of parent I want to be and the way I want to raise my son (I breastfeed, baby led weaning, gentle discipline) and I think I would have found the pressure of other people’s “advice” more difficult if I was younger and less certain about my choices. I also have a good job, a husband and own my home so gives me a lot of security. We managed to go on some great holidays and experience a bit of life before we had our son and yet we will still be young enough to enjoy travel/career opportunities once he is grown up and his needs aren’t as constant. I feel happy that now is my time to dedicate to him (and the sibling arriving in a few months) while I don’t have any other focuses (like a uni course or worrying about career progression)

You’re definitely not too young and I think it’s great you’re trying to weigh up pros and cons. I am a pregnant student and must say it’s very hard doing both.
I am 33, so knew I’d have a baby whilst doing my degree. But if I was younger I would have completed it, and then had my baby.
But it’s personal choice. Babies don’t care what age they’re parents are, they just need love, security and all the milk xx

Although.. just a consideration, a lot can change once you start uni. New friends new life, it might be worth immersing yourself into that before making a change that would impact your uni life x

i started trying to conceive at 22 myself - i'd been with my OH for 5 years at that point and we had a large place together. i'm now pregnant at 25/26 but i dont know if its best while studying? maybe studies first? but its up to you, if you can financially cope and emotionally thats what matters really.

I got married 9 days after I turned 22 and also was 22 when I had my first baby so I wouldn't say you're too young. What I would say is a degree and a baby would most likely be difficult to do at the same time.