Planning a baby when not broody

[Yellowbear37541]

Hi everyone please bear with me I’m just a bit confused on how I am feeling and wondered if anyone else has a similar experience or any advice.
I have three kids, first two are much older than no3 there’s an 11 and 9 year age gap. The older boys have always been brilliant company for each other, obviously they have their moments occasionally but over all they are best friends. My youngest son is now 19months old and I had an idea in my head when he was born we would maybe try for another this summer hoping for a baby next year (not to have a girl btw I’d be very happy with another boy) I never ever imagined myself with 4 kids but just because of the big age gap I’d like what my older two have had growing up for my youngest. I can’t imagine holidays and just day to day life without siblings similar age and interests around in the years to come for him, the big boys are brilliant with him and adore him love playing with him etc but in another 5/6 years one will have left high school the other well into it.
My problem is I’m really not sure I want to be pregnant again already, I’m still breastfeeding youngest and he’s still so demanding..but I know after they turn two things change a bit and that’s when I got broody last time but I worry if I don’t do it now I’ll regret not just going for it by next year and wish I hadn’t put it off. Hubby says now or never he doesn’t want to leave it another year or anything as he thinks he’s getting too old and also the age gap again with older ones is just getting bigger and bigger. So my head is saying yes it makes sense to do it now I’ll be glad I did next year but a big part of me is feeling like I really don’t know if I want to come off my pill yet I’m very confused and unsure at what to do! Sorry if this sounds self indulgent for anyone who has been trying for a long time or struggling I know a baby is a blessing and the reason for my big age gap was a horrible miscarriage that put me off trying again for years and years..that also worries me about going again. Thanks for reading and I’d love any advice or stories xx

I don't think it's a good idea to have a baby as a companion for another child tbh. 3 children is a lot already!

If you want another then do it in a 'whatever happens, happens' kind of way. Good luck!

I would maybe wait until you’re a bit more sure - another hear won’t make that much difference in the grand scheme of things if you do decide to go for it once your youngest is no longer breastfeeding. You don’t even need to wait a year, maybe take it a few months at a time?

Surely three children is enough? Your reasons for another sound rather vague and your DH doesn’t sound bothered either way? . Why aren’t you happy with three lovely children?

My brothers were 12 and 14 years older than me, I never felt I missed out having a sibling my own age, I did develop a very good imagination out of playing on my own though and now work in a creative field. Don't feel pressured to have a child just for your youngest to have a close aged companion. Xxx

Sorry just want to say it’s not having four kids that I’m unsure of..if I fast forward 3/4yrs that’s what I’d like it’s just the being pregnant and newborn again so soon that’s scaring me...and ragwort I’m very very happy right now I’m thinking what’s in best interest for my whole family especially my youngest I just don’t want him feeling lonely after seeing the benefits my older two had growing up together I want the same for him just not feeling as ready to do it as I hoped right now

Thanks everyone, feel this is such a silly post

I am probably biased because I have an only child (by choice) & I would never had considered having another child just to avoid my DS from feeling “lonely”. My DS has always had a huge range of friends and hobbies and interests where he meets other people ... he is 19 now but is coping exceptionally well with “lockdown”, he makes a real effort to keep in touch with friends and has a huge circle of friendships, he managed really well as a new Uni student because he is used to beIng confident and making the effort to make friends. I am not saying he wouldn’t be the same if he had siblings but it is not as simple as saying you need a sibling to avoid being lonely. Look how many families fall out?
If you and your DH want a fourth chid, go ahead and have one (assuming you can afford it, have enough space etc etc) but just not because you don’t want your third child to be lonely.

I can relate. I'm expecting my first and we both very much wanted a child but when I got my first period after coming off the pill I was relieved. Then next month less so, the month after neutral the month after I was disappointed. The following month I was very happy to get a positive test result.
The little one we are expecting is very much wanted but those first few weeks of not taking precautions I did have doubts about whether it was the right thing to do and the right time and so many what ifs.
Doubts are normal, some will go, some will stay. I think for me I have to warm myself to all big changes and would have felt the same during those first few weeks of trying regardless of when we started.

My 2 kids fight like cat and dog I think you're very lucky your older boys get along so well but there's no garuntee that will happen again. I'd base your decision on whether you want another child.

Theres no guarantee that if you were to have another baby, that he/she would get on like your older 2 do.

I have 2 older brothers, age gap of 14 and 9 years respectively. I'm not overly close with either, especially versus how close they are with each other but when we're all together it's like there's no age gap now that we're all adults.