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Don't know whether to have another baby...

11 replies

ballyboy · 03/05/2020 01:09

I have been blessed with three healthy kids, age 11,10 and 6 (all boys).

I had always been sure I didn't want any more as was dp.

I just got this real feeling tha I would love one more. We have it so easy though at the minute with the kids, they are for the most part independent and we are over the 'hardship' of it all. We love in a three bed terrace house but we could maybe consider converting the attic. I'm 35.

We are both in secure jobs, not on huge wages but could definitely afford another.

I know you can't tell me what to do but maybe someone could give me insight into whether or not they struggled with the decision or not and what you did.

OP posts:
ReturnofSaturn · 03/05/2020 01:42

Well 3 would be more than enough for me! Are you hoping for a girl or something?

JKScot4 · 03/05/2020 01:44

11,10,6, I wouldn’t go back to a baby with those ages, it could be maybe another year or so before a baby arrives, they’d be 13,12,8.

denbyellie · 03/05/2020 03:12

You do what's best for you ❤️ if you feel like now is the right time then do it xxx

lovelyjubbly12 · 03/05/2020 07:10

My mum has three children. Our ages are 27, 24, and 13.

My 13 year old brother has basically three mums as he counts me and my sister as one too because of the age gap. It's been lovely watching and helping him grow. Mum had built in baby sitters so she could still enjoy her life to an extent and we loved looking after him. Now if he needs money or a lift he blags it from three people 🙄🤣

That being said, my mum didn't plan him. But she's so so glad she's got him. Me and my sister own our own houses so we don't live at home anymore. She still has her "baby" at home. She said she got given more years at being needed and she loves it.

If it's what you want then go for it. Age gaps don't matter. I'm glad I have so many years between my brother, it means I can be helpful. It never bothered us.

When you ask the question "should I" deep down you most probably already know the right answer for you. 💕

HelloItsmeAgain1 · 03/05/2020 08:33

How does the bedroom situation work at the moment? I'd find that a nightmare with one bathroom! Could you afford to do the attic in time?

I wonder if you've forgotten what the baby years were like. How are things with your careers?

HelloItsmeAgain1 · 03/05/2020 08:34

Just to think all those things through- not saying no! :)

NameChange30 · 03/05/2020 08:42

Sorry but 3 is plenty. I think you'd be mad to have a fourth and go back to the baby stage now.

Maybelatte · 03/05/2020 08:46

I had DC4 when my youngest was six and it worked out really well for us. The older three loved helping out with him and still completely dote on him even now he’s a toddler terrorising them Grin. I’m pregnant with DC5 so obviously returning to the baby stage wasn’t a massive issue for us! We do have a five bedroom house though.

zscaler · 03/05/2020 09:11

Only you know what’s right for your family. You’ll want to think about lots of things - the following are just the ones that occur to me off the top of my head:

Can you afford it?

Will it compromise the life of your existing children in terms of the opportunities etc you can give them?

Will you be able to convert the attic in advance?

Do you have enough bathrooms?

Is your car big enough or will you need a size up?

Will it stop you giving time and and support to your older children?

are you comfortable with the environmental impact of a fourth child?

Can you afford a career break?

Would you cope if it was twins?

Is your husband on board?

There’s no right or wrong answer. Only you can decide if this is a good idea for your family!

ballyboy · 03/05/2020 16:46

It's a lot to think about, I really though I was finished with it all. I'm afraid I'm just panicking that if I don't do it now, my chance is gone and I will regret it.

We do have two bathrooms for this asking! But the bedrooms are small. We have two boys sharing and eldest on his own. We would have to do the attic.

Work wise, there's no problems, we both work shifts/night duty and I only work for one week every month, then off for three weeks so childcare would not be an issue.

We would need a new car which is something I hadn't thought of. I don't even think I'd have DP on board so maybe I'm just day dreaming!

OP posts:
dairylee1003 · 03/05/2020 22:28

We just decided to go for a third (we have a 10yo and a 7yo). I found out at the 12 week scan that we're having twins. It's a total shock and one which we haven't quite got our heads round yet! I'm a bit older than you at 41, but twins are more common as you get older and fertility starts to decline, as apparently we start to release more than one egg a month. I don't know how likely it is at 35 but worth bearing in mind that this does happen.

I have no idea how the age gap thing is going to work in our house, but my friend had a 3rd when her older 2 were 9 & 6 and they've both been great. Having older ones means they can be more involved and help out, rather than you feeling like you have lots of little ones to look after. My main concern is what happpens when the older ones hit their teens and aren't quite so interested in their little siblings. Of course if it's twins then they at least have each other to play with (or so i keep telling myself!) If you have a single, then it's probably going to be a lot like having an only child who needs a lot of entertaining.

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