My feed

to access all these features

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.


Deep regrets about not starting trying early

8 replies

faithfulbird · 01/05/2020 21:23

My daughter will be 3 this month. I was hoping to have another child when she was 3. But me and my husband weren't on good terms last year and honestly were at each other's throats. It's taken us some time to get back together properly. But I'm having this regret. I wish my daughter had 2-3 year age gap with the next one. But I don't think it will be possible now since I've had a's our my hands now... I can't do anything so what am I feeling like this...

OP posts:
ivfgottostaypositive · 01/05/2020 21:38

It's hard isn't it to have this image of what you perceive to be the perfect family unit - kids with a nice 2 years between them and it's devastating when life doesn't turn out that way.

I wanted 3 kids with 2 years between them. I'm stuck on 1 who is now 4 and have had 5 miscarriages and 2 ruptured ectopics and now permanently infertile. I think what the whole experience has shown me is that there is no "picture perfect family" and my DC is a beautiful miracle - my only regret is letting the obsession with giving her a sibling take my focus off her x

Cherryrainbow · 01/05/2020 22:42

Its true that what we dream of/want may not be the reality. I always thought I would have two kids close together by the same dad and be together forever.

I have a son who is 6 and a half and I'm pregnant with my second child atm with my boyfriend who I have been with now for over 3 years. Sure it would have been nice to have a closer age gap but I'm also grateful for what I do have.

Try not to think the longer it takes to have a second, that it takes you further away the ideal family or dream gets x

Delbelleber · 02/05/2020 09:05

I was longing for a baby number 2 for such a long time and having a miscarriage destroyed me, however over a year later I did get pregnant again and the way I look back on it is if I hadn't have had that mc then I would never have had my amazing dd. The age gap wasn't what I hoped it would be but it doesn't matter once you have that baby in your arms. And your time will come. Nature decides when the right time will be Flowers

BeMorePacific · 02/05/2020 11:48

They’ll be a 4 year age gap between my little one and baby #2. For me it’s perfect, my oldest is a lot more independent, he has a better understanding and will be a wonderful big bro.
There is 5 years between me and my sister and we have always been very close. xx

faithfulbird · 07/05/2020 21:20

Thanks everyone. You've given me comfort in realising somethings don't matter. Smile

OP posts:
pottypotamus · 08/05/2020 11:47

There's almost 4 years between my dc1 and 2. I wasn't ready to start trying before this. I have always wanted small age gaps and 4 years just sounded huge to me. But now they are almost 6 years and 2 years and play together all the time.
Dc2 is lost without her big brother and they are very close, it really is lovely to watch!

I am pregnant now and the gap between dc2 and 3 will be 2 years and 3 months and I'm now fretting over the opposite. Dc2 too young to understand having a younger sibling, will she become clingy and jealous. So for me, I was worried no matter what.

I am one of 3 and the age gaps are 4.5 years between me and older sis and 4 years between me and younger bro and we are and always have been so very close to each other and loved playing together as kids. I guess what I'm trying to say is there's wonderful things about all age gaps. Good luck with baby making xxx

cakeandchampagne · 08/05/2020 11:54

The age gap can influence the relationship/degree of closeness, but it doesn’t determine it.

user12122 · 08/05/2020 12:03

I'm currently ttc number two and there will be 5.5 years between them if it happens this month.

This is perfect for me as there's no way I would have coped with a two year old and a baby!

I know this is what you wanted but there are so many positives to having a bigger age gap, try not to worry.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.