Should we keep a 5th baby?

[Katie719]

I have just found out that I am pregnant with my 5th child. We weren't trying and hadn't really discussed it. My partner wants me to have an abortion. He doesn't think we can cope financially. I think we can and I want another child. I am trying to see it from his point of view. Having 5 children is not going to be easy and it will obviously bring up some issues of finance and space (we currently live in a 3 bed). We are at a standstill. He thinks I'm being selfish and greedy. I suppose I am in a way. I just can't stop thinking about it as a baby. I am only 6 weeks so in his words I need to think of it as a seed. He wasn't being awful, just trying to make me think more with my head than my heart. I am scared if I have an abortion I will regret it and end up resenting him. But I need to think of his feelings too. Sorry a bit of a ramble. Just wondered if anyone has been in a similar situation and what the outcome was? Any advice much appreciated. Tia.

5 children is a lot in a 3 bed house. Will you be able to afford to move in a few years? Are other children similar in ages? Would your lifestyle and that of kids suffer with no5?

I can’t offer an opinion as I only have 1 by choice but those would be my immediate concerns.

I was one of five growing up and of course when there are five of you then you don’t have the same opportunities as an only child such as skiing trips or expensive presents at Christmas, and I never had my own bedroom growing up. But there were also lots of positives about being part of a big family, and still are now we are all adults!

I don't think our lifestyle would really change with one more. That maybe sounds ridiculous but we've already made all the changes to our lifestyle with the other 4. We have a good income (fortunately) so can still go on holidays, have savings, buy new clothes, say yes to every school trip etc. At the minute we have 2 boys sharing and 2 girls sharing a bedroom. My short term solution would be the baby could come in with us for a year (all our others were around a year) and eventually move. We also have a small sitting room downstairs that could be converted to a bedroom. We have a big kitchen/diner/living space that we use all the time. Also our eldest are 11 and 12 so they don't have loads of toys and things- more computers and gadgets, but they don't take up alot of space. The little ones are 5 and 6 so still have a bit but they have the biggest room.

A child regardless of how many you already have is a blessing. I've never heard any women regret her child regardless of how many kids she has. I know a lot of women are having miscarriages in this forum including me (what seems like a miscarriage). Keep it. It's a blessing, they say the birth of a child brings new blessings for his/her family. I'd do anything to have had more children. But it wasn't always possible for me and my partner.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I agree that every child is a blessing. I hope you are ok ❤

I do think 5 is too many but he is wrong to pressure you into an abortion, it's your body and your choice.

Whatever you decide, he clearly feels very strongly about not having any more so he should get a vasectomy. If he is not willing to do that then I don't see why you should get an abortion you don't want. Well, you shouldn't get an abortion you don't want anyway.

Can I suggest that you contact BPAS or Marie Stopes to ask if there is any phone counselling available to help you talk this through with someone impartial? You need time and space to decide what you want.

My mum and dad got pregnant accidentally with my youngest sister - admittedly she was the 4th and not the 5th child for them, but she is honestly the best thing that ever happened to us. There is a big age gap and she is nearly 18 now but life would be rubbish without her 😊. I think there were similar worries when they found out about her but it all worked out in the end - I think it always does!