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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How insensitive can anyone be?

35 replies

Scampynoodle · 17/09/2007 02:54

I'm staying with my sister-in-law and family at the mo and she is driving me nuts with her constant comments about me being pregnant. She's had me in tears twice and right now I'm on the verge of saying or doing something that will strain family relations for a long time to come. May I share with you some of her more choice comments?

"You think you are big now? Just wait until you are seven months gone." This is repeated almost daily. In fact she has said this three times today without any prompting from anyone.
"You and dh get on well now but once the baby is born you'll never get on that well again. You can forget your marriage."
"See, you think that you look pregnant but here in America you just look fat."
"Kids will drive you insane. It's a nightmare. They'll never be what you want them to be."
"Oh, labour is just horrific. The worst thing you can ever go through. You haven't a clue about what's going to hit you." Followed by a knowing and smug laugh.
"Oh, you haven't got a clue have you! Just wait until the baby is born. Then you'll find out what it's really like." This is the stock response to everything I say from painting the nursery to breastfeeding.

and just half an hour ago:

"That top looks nice on you. You know you won't be able to get into it in a couple of months don't you?"

Exactly what is she trying to achieve with her comments? It's nothing good, I can tell you.

Ok, she may be right about labour being agonising and me getting fatter but does she have to bang on about it?

She also knows how much of a hard time I've had with being pregnant and that I worry awfully about it but this doesn't stop her. When I think about me and dh and the baby on our own I feel able to cope with whatever is chucked at me. But when I keep hearing this crap I just feel like I'm failing. We've only 48 hours until our flight home but it feels like the longest bloody 48 hours of my life right now.

Oh, sorry about my moan but I need to hear nice things from people other than my DH (who is fab!). My friends and family are back in the UK and until I see them at the end of the week I need you lovelies to keep me going. Make me smile. Go on!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Jobi1 · 17/09/2007 14:07

Definitely agree with what everyone has said, she obviously has issues! Try and grit teeth and bear it for a few more hours.

How's this though, my DAD asked me yesterday if I'd be back in the gym once the baby is born. I'm so sick of his veiled comments about my weight that I just replied did he and mum do the same, (knowing neither of them has ever been near a gym!) I mean what does he expect, for me to start running marathons the minute the LO pops out? Grrr.

Mommalove · 17/09/2007 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Tups · 17/09/2007 14:13

Hey - you're not fat, you have a human life in there (It used to driver me mad when people called me fat when I was pregnant gggggrrrrrr!!).
You look gorgeous, aparently there is nothing nicer than seeing a pregnant woman and I agree!
Ignore the old witch, she just sounds jealous and just because she and her dh don't get on after their kids were born it doesn't mean you will follow suit. In fact, it brings some people closer so ignore the witch and be smug in the fact that you won't end up being as bitter as what she sounds like (is that a tad harsh? - do appologise!)
PS: all labours re different and it can't be that bad otherwise we wouldn't keep having them!!!! xx good luck! ;)

Alfie72 · 17/09/2007 14:13

Jealousy is not an attractive thing in anyone and she is obviously a bit of a witch who needs to get a life !!!
Just ignore her and focus on the fact that you have a great man and soon will have a lovely little one who will make you smile !!

sweetkitty · 17/09/2007 14:20

sounds like she is an utter jealous cow

melontum · 17/09/2007 19:09

"...I suppose 2 weeks listening to your opinions is good preparation for the horrors of labour, then."

I think in a truly American way she is genuinely very excited and happy for you, but it's coming out ALL wrong.

elfsmum · 17/09/2007 19:24

scampy

unfortunately there are people who feel it's their right to say these things when you're pregnant

I bet you look fab and will continue to do so, she is probably jealous, and whilst we're on the subject .....

You think you are big now? Just wait until you are seven months gone." .....you have ages to go of that lovely experience of being pregnant, feeling that movement and feeling really special

"You and dh get on well now but once the baby is born you'll never get on that well again. You can forget your marriage."

you'll be a family, and you will feel like a really complete unit ...being married is one feeling being a family is a completely different and fulfilling feeling, but you'll still be a couple

"See, you think that you look pregnant but here in America you just look fat." hey if you're not 7 months gone yet, you're not even at american fat standards

"Kids will drive you insane. It's a nightmare. They'll never be what you want them to be."

they do drive you insane ........with love for them .........and yes they will be, little people with their own personalities

"Oh, labour is just horrific. The worst thing you can ever go through. You haven't a clue about what's going to hit you." sad it was such an awful experience for her, for me after 3 days of slow labour followed by an emergency c/s .........I was pregnant again by the time ds1 was 14 months, and had nagged DH since he was 9 months, really isn't that bad

so if we're talking jealous, then here's one mumsnetter who is ....of all the wonderful experiences you've got to come

read the other thread about children who've just started reception, it's a glimpse of the wonders yet to arrive, and they don't stop

derah · 17/09/2007 19:35

I'd have to agree with what other posters have said; her life has obviously not turned out the way she expected it, motherhood isn't agreeing with her and there are big problems with her and her DH's relationship. So she's taking it out on you. I feel sorry for the poor women, but poor you too for being the person she takes it out on. Take refuge in the fact that soon you'll be home and won't have to deal with her anymore. Imagine if she lived nearby!? Horrors!!

Original poster

Scampynoodle · 18/09/2007 01:31

Oh, thank you, all of you. This has been driving me nuts and it's lovely to be reminded of the reality rather than just one person's experiences.

I think that you are right. She is jealous and I know for a fact that she is bitter about the way her marriage is going. She's also worried about the way her (rather spoiled) kids are turning out. She just seems to be projecting all of this onto me and dh. It's a shame because we usually get on and, even though she is known for her straight talk, this has been a revelation to me. In fact she is already talking about when we'll all get together again and right now I just don't want to. If she is this opinionated about my pregnancy God knows what she'll be like once the baby is here.

Yush, you are all spot on. I do look fab, I do love to poke out my tum in public because I am beautifully stuffed with a baby and I'm not going to do the half arsed job she seems to think I will. I'm a confident, independent-minded, successful woman and she can shove it all up her arse.

Thank you, thank you and thank you again.

OP posts:

MrsMcJnr · 18/09/2007 09:43

LOL "I do look fab, I do love to poke out my tum in public because I am beautifully stuffed with a baby" that's more like it, go girl!!

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