help welcomed

[victay]

Hi all,
I am new to this forum and have never posted on anything like this before. I don't really know what I am looking for by posting but I feel so alone with these thoughts I wanted some support from fellow mums!
So here is my story
Around 13 years ago I suffered from an Ectopic pregnancy, it was an accidental pregnancy and I wasn't in a serious relationship at the time. When this happened I ended in surgery and never really gave much thought that my right tube had been removed (I really don't think I understood the seriousness)

After that I met what I thought would be my forever partner and fell pregnant again not planned and that resulted in the healthy birth of my twins who are now ten.

After this I separated and met the actual love of my life (current partner) we spoke about having children and being (34me and 41) decided to try last year. We fell pregnant straight away and had an early scan which showed a heartbeat and baby. Unfortunately I returned the following week to find out the baby had stopped beating and opted for a D&C. I went in for surgery and suffered an internal bleed from it. This meant a subsequent surgery and 7 days in hospital. It was awful just terrible.

I thought last month i was over it and would like to try again so we did and again I fell pregnant straight away. I have just found out and am petrified something bad will happen again. I made the mistake of not showing my partner how sad I was by the last experience that I cannot explain the anxiety of this time. Also, neither of us want to be happy just in case something bad happens. I am a nervous wreck that any twinge could be an issue and every day seems to drag.
I guess I am looking for some positivity and reassurance.
I am just pregnant so who knows but I wish I didn't feel this way

I had a missed miscarriage dec 18, I was heartbroken as we had been trying for 8 years.
5 months later I was pregnant again, now I have a dd that is almost 3months.
My entire pregnancy I was overly anxious, we had an early scan at 7 weeks to confirm viability, then normal scans plus growth scans. I was convinced all the way though that there would be something wrong!
I was in my maternity unit almost every week, sometimes multiple times in the week for dopplers and then ctgs later on.
It’s normal to be anxious when you’ve had bad experiences before, my way of coping with it was to have frequent checks, which my maternity unit were happy to do.

Aww hunni i cant take away your anxiety but i can tell you that you are not alone. Every woman who has ever lost a baby will tell you they had anxiety in subsequent pregnancies.
As the pp said most maternity units are happy to give you reassurance when you need it.
I found my community midwife was amazing aswell. Please talk to your partner and find support were you can.take care and good luck xx