Would you tell DS?

[LOALM]

I have a DS, 5, and am 10 weeks pregnant. I've had 3 MCs (before and after carrying DS full term - one MMC and two early). I had a private scan last week for reassurance as was feeling very nervous, and everything is currently fine. We've now passed the point of the two early MCs which is very hopeful, and I've had/still have pretty full on symptoms.

We still haven't told DS about me being pregnant. DH wants to tell him, but I want to wait until my routine scan in a couple of weeks. I'm just scared of it going wrong again and then having to tell DS bad news - he is so keen to have a baby brother or sister (randomly, has been talking a LOT about it in the last few weeks!), and I don't want to get him excited to then break his heart. DH counters that this could happen at any point, and we obviously can't keep it from him for another 30 weeks! DS is moaning a fair bit that I'm 'always having a lie in' and not doing as much with him as I normally would, so it might be helpful for him to know and understand why I'm so tired at this stage?

Just interested in others views on it, really. I know there's no right or wrong answer, but given we don't have much else to do atm I'm overthinking it a little (ok, a lot).

Well your DH isn't quite right- yes technically it could happen at any point, but it's a lot less likely after 12 weeks / the scan that will flag any issues. Two weeks won't make any difference to DS

@liaun that's what I think. We're both obviously excited, especially now we know it's actually in there and currently growing, so I get he just wants DS to be able to share in the excitement.

We waited until the 12 week scan, miscarriage rates drop lots at 12 weeks and after all looked ok we felt confident to tell out 2 daughters Age 6 and 8. I don’t think I could have waited much longer and couldn’t have kept it from them until 30 weeks but each to their own. Mine are so excited and are really involved now, it’s so nice that they are part of it.

Definitely wait at least until the 12 week scan

The sonographer at the private clinic said that 8 weeks is a big milestone in terms of miscarriage, as the chance drops and then drops further at 12 weeks. I made the mistake of telling DH this, and now he wants to tell him. I'll try and keep deflecting but I know it's not just down to me.

(@3isthemagicnumber3 I didn't mean wait until I am 30 weeks - just that's the number of weeks left and I can't possibly keep it from DS until baby is here)

Ah I thought it was a random time! I am sure whenever you tell him, he will be delighted

He's being a bit silly. Wait until 12 weeks given your history. Two weeks won't make a difference to a five year old.

I know he's just excited, which is very sweet. It wasn't a planned pregnancy so it took a while for it to sink in - maybe now the excitement has caught up with him?! But I know that two weeks will fly by so I'm hoping I can convince him to wait. It'll be much nicer to tell DS when we have passed that point - and when we both want to!

By comparison, in a very similar situation I waited till 30 weeks to tell my ds. Being asked every day for ten weeks "is the baby coming today" was quite enough actually! And I was very worried about problems.

Phew - DH has agreed to wait! One less thing to overthink for the next couple of weeks

I don't think a miscarriage is any less likely at 12 weeks after a successful scan at 10 weeks?

Think about it - most people have their first scan at 12 weeks, and have no proof prior to that that the baby has developed in line with their age - hence a missed miscarriage can be detected at this scan. OP has had a scan showing an embryo developing in line with age at ten weeks, there will be a heartbeat etc. So if something goes wrong, it only has two weeks for it to happen - less likely.
After twelve weeks you are moving into the second trimester and although sadly things can still go wrong you have made it past the statistically most dangerous time.

If you wait the 2 weeks you can show him the scan picture at the same time, I think that would lovely, something to look forward to for him :)