5 weeks pregnant with ex abusive partner

[northnorth]

I have just found out I am 5 weeks pregnant. I have two children already, same Dad. I am using birth control but have been unwell recently and on various medications which my doc thinks may have impacted my pill.

My ex has never hit me but was emotionally abuse and financially controlling. He had multiple affairs. It took me a long time to muster the courage to leave but I eventually did it and now rent a home for me and my children.

I still love my ex and since moving regularly see him. I am having counselling about this. Despite how he is with me sometimes, he is an excellent Father.

I don’t want an abortion and I know it will crush me but my family will disown me as they understandably hate my ex. I have a part time job which is well paid but not enough to afford a third child. I know that I 100% would never move back in with my ex so if I was to go ahead with this it would be something I would mostly have to do on my own.

I am 90% not going to carry on the pregnancy I think and I hate myself already.

I wouldn’t keep the baby in this situation. Hope you make the right choice for yourself and your children.

Please don’t hate yourself. You have every right to make the best decision for yourself - you aren’t a bad person, you aren’t doing anything wrong, and you don’t have to justify it to anyone

I'm sorry that you are in this situation. Sounds really tough
You may want to ask this to be moved to Pregnancy choices, where you will probably get more balanced views, and support if you decide to proceed with the abortion...

This is a very early pregnancy. You have a choice, and in your shoes I'd choose not to be pregnant. All very good wishes.

Sorry you're in this tough situation. You should be really proud for leaving, that can't be easy.

As you already know, your priority has to be the children you already have. Can you talk to your counsellor about this? You shouldn't hate yourself for this decision, you really shouldn't.

Thanks for getting back to me everyone. I really don’t want to appear insensitive by posting here. I’m sorry. I am not sure how to request for this to be moved?

I have a phone session with my counsellor tonight so will discuss it with them.

Sorry that you've ended up in this situation. Horrible one to be in. But it sounds like you know what you're going to do. Don't feel guilty. You're not doing something wrong here. What you are talking about doing is protecting yourself and your two DC.

And I'd really question whether a man who is abusive to the mother of his children is a "good father". Good fathers don't abuse the person their children love the most.

Don't hate yourself, you are in a very tricky situation.
First and foremost you have to look after the children you have and yourself.
I too would be planning a termination at this point.
Stop saying he's a good father, he's not, he abused their mother and split the family. He's a shit father in that regard.

He's not an excellent father, he's a terrible father!

Good luck with whatever you decide

Thanks all. It’s nice to read supportive posts. I can’t telly family or friends given the situation. I completely understand why they would be upset and angry.

And you’re right. He isn’t a good Father. That’s another thing my counsellor has been trying to help me with. Recognising how bad his behaviour has been / is.

Northnorth your priority has to be looking after yourself and your existing children. I think adding another child could involve spreading yourself too thin.
You have nothing to feel guilty about. Do what you need to do. And reduce the contact and hold that your ex has over you.

I can't add much to what has been said above, but you may be able to find some more support on the pregnancy choices board. There was a lady recently in a very similar situation to you - 2 children, abusive relationship.

Something that a lot of people mentioned to her, whatever her decision, was to carefully consider the impact on her 2 existing children.

Wishing you all the best for the future op

You are all right. Just such a shock and massive step back in terms of the progress I thought I was making.

I would also have an abortion in your situation. It will be hard now but in the long term the best thing for you and your family.