Anxiety after ectopic

[CJP25]

Hi everyone this is probably going to be a long & rambling post but just feel like putting into words what I'm going through to see if it helps!

I'm 36 & pregnant for the second time. My first pregnancy in 2017 ended in a ruptured ectopic which wasn't picked up straight away at the hospital. I had to have emergency surgery due to the haemorrhaging & lost my left Fallopian tube.

I found out I was pregnant again 2 weeks ago & have just had constant anxiety ever since. I had an early scan last week due to some pain & passing small clots. It showed the yolk sac & measured 5w+2. I felt reassured initially but my anxiety has returned & it's just constant now.

I have been passing brown discharge & some small brown clots. I have another scan on Monday & I'm just counting down the minutes until then.

As much as I try & remind myself that the bleeding is likely old blood & nothing to be concerned about I just can't stop thinking that I'll lose this pregnancy. I know there's nothing I can do if the worst happens but I've wanted a baby for so long that the thought of losing another is just terrifying.

So yeah not asking a specific question exactly, just wanted to share what I'm feeling. Thank you to anyone who reads this x

Aww hun what a awful time sorry your feeling this way. Its perfectly normal to feel these anxietys after what you have been through. I know this from experience but try to keep hopeful and be kind to yourself I wish you all the luck in the world xx

Thank you so much for your reply I'm preparing myself for the worst, I have a gut feeling something is wrong. It's heartbreaking but I feel like if I can face facts & be prepared then hopefully it will soften the blow.

Hopefully I'll be proved wrong on Monday at the scan & I will be so thankful if I am. Just have to accept that sometimes things don't go the way I plan & that everything will happen for me in good time x x

Hey
I am in a similar situation

I am new to this forum and have never posted on anything like this before. I don't really know what I am looking for by posting but I feel so alone with these thoughts I wanted some support from fellow mums!
So here is my story
Around 13 years ago I suffered from an Ectopic pregnancy, it was an accidental pregnancy and I wasn't in a serious relationship at the time. When this happened I ended in surgery and never really gave much thought that my right tube had been removed (I really don't think I understood the seriousness)

After that I met what I thought would be my forever partner and fell pregnant again not planned and that resulted in the healthy birth of my twins who are now ten.

After this I separated and met the actual love of my life (current partner) we spoke about having children and being (34me and 41) decided to try last year. We fell pregnant straight away and had an early scan which showed a heartbeat and baby. Unfortunately I returned the following week to find out the baby had stopped beating and opted for a D&C. I went in for surgery and suffered an internal bleed from it. This meant a subsequent surgery and 7 days in hospital. It was awful just terrible.

I thought last month i was over it and would like to try again so we did and again I fell pregnant straight away. I have just found out and am petrified something bad will happen again. I made the mistake of not showing my partner how sad I was by the last experience that I cannot explain the anxiety of this time. Also, neither of us want to be happy just in case something bad happens. I am a nervous wreck that any twinge could be an issue and every day seems to drag.
I guess I am looking for some positivity and reassurance.
I am just pregnant so who knows but I wish I didn't feel this way

Ah victay I'm thinking of you. I know what you mean about thinking every twinge is a bad sign. I was an anxious wreck from the minute I found out I was pregnant again. Now I feel like I've worried so much it's caused all of this to happen.

I've pretty much accepted my pregnancy has ended. Just by the amount of blood & also the loss of all my pregnancy symptoms. Also I just 'feel' it, I knew instinctively there was something wrong when I had my ectopic so I trust my intuition.

My partner is such a sweetheart & keeps saying everything will be fine. I know he means well but I feel like he's going to be even more disappointed at the scan on Monday. Guess we just have to be there for each other.

I'm sending you love & positive vibes that you have a healthy & happy pregnancy

@CJP25 i dont know if telling you this will help as i said above i understand your anxietys from experience. When i was pregnant with my daughter which was the pregnancy following my misscarriage i started bleeding at 7 weeks bright red blood and alot of it. This continued in and off I was so so convinved it was all over but i was wrong .it was a stressfull pregnancy and my anxietys never really went away. She was born early for reasons not related and they never knew why i was bleesing. So my point is there can be good outcomes a d i really hope this is the case for you xx

@victay as i have said above your a anxietys are perfectly normal. Make sure you talk about how you feel good luck to you hun xx

Thank you Mo, it does help to know that so I appreciate it. Sorry if this is tmi but did you have clots in your bleeding as that is what is concerning me the most? I've had no pain at all which is confusing but I know everyone's symptoms are different.

I feel like if I'm mentally prepared for the worst news then it won't be so bad & that's honestly what I'm expecting now. If it turns out things are ok I will be amazed. I'm trying not to hope too much so it'll hurt a little less. I just can't wait until Monday so I know one way or the other, feels like I'm in limbo. To make matters worse I dreamt last night that I had a little girl, my brain really is a d*ck sometimes!

I did have some clots but not huge ones. I had no pain either . i did have and d and c a year earlier and have had precious lazer treatment that was offered as possible reasons but they never was sure on the cause.
I totally understand why you feel like you do be kind to yourself and remember you really dont know anything for sure lt could be well feel free to keep chatting
Take care x

@Mo81 thank you for chatting. I've been bleeding for 7 consecutive days now & I just want this to be over with. This time tomorrow I will be waiting in the hospital for my scan. I've replayed every scenario countless times in my head but I just keep coming back to the reality that this is not good. This week has felt like an eternity, absolute torture. At least after my scan I feel like I'll be able to move on slowly & try to focus on other things in my life as this has just been in my thoughts constantly

Aww hun im sorry. Im here to talk if you need to. Do you have someone to support you tomorrow?. I understand what you mean about wanting to know the outcome when i had my mmc i found out on a monday morning and had to wait for thursday for a d and c i spent them days telling myself they were wrong and even insisted on another scan before my d and c. The waiting is crule. If the worse has happend please remember that it is nothing you did wrong and please talk to people i made the mistake of shutting down and it really wasnt healthy. As i said you can keep talking to me if you want to hun. Take care xx

My partner is coming with me, he won't be allowed into the hospital which I think must be so hard on him. He doesn't know what to do with himself, I just can't stop crying & he keeps saying 'are you ok?' Having to be patient & not reply 'clearly I'm f-ing not!'.

A song that always gets me just came on the radio & I was literally just sitting on the floor sobbing, he came in & was like ‘are you ok? What’s happened?’
I was like it’s just this song, he was like I know it’s shit but you don’t have to cry, just had to laugh. I was like ‘it’s not f-ing funny’ while snotty crying laughing.

Aww hun take no notice people say silly things when they dont know what to say. I really hope your ok tomorrow xxx

@Mo81 thank you for your support, sadly I miscarried last night. As much as I expected it, it was still a terrible shock as I didn't realise it would happen the way it did. I'm ok, I feel the loss badly but in a way I'm calm now as I know for sure it has all ended. I'm not giving up & looking forward to sharing better news in the future x x

Aww im so sorry . Please take care of yourself and keep talking to your partner xx