He's gone missing

[Perfectpeter12]

Hi Guys,

So I was seeing someone for around two years, I fell pregnant. He wasn't happy and wanted me to have an abortion, I decided to keep. Anyway he came on board for a while and was being pretty civil and sweet with me but then we have started to argue a lot (he can be verbally abusive) and has thrown things at me.

I had enough of his behaviour and I said somethings maybe I regret now. He demanded to do private healthcare (he used to pay for) but has now blocked me for 5weeks leaving me with outstanding bills approx £600. I do understand that technically it's under my name but I have no problem using NHS and have recently switched hospitals but I refuse to pay for these bills. It was a bit naive of me looking back as it was probably used as a way to control me but I thought he was being genuine as its to do with medical care so really I have myself to blame. If I do have to fork the money out I will but at these times I would rather spend on a baby. My family know and I was/am to always prepare to raise this baby alone, that is no problem for me. I’m just fed up of his ways and his bully behaviour, not a single one of his friends and family know that I’m pregnant and he told me to not tell my friends or anyone that he is the dad as it would come back to his parents.

At this time I respected that, I did’nt want drama and respected his mental well being. I feel like I should text one of his friends to tell him to clear up the medical bills just to wake him up a bit. (Not going into detail - something short). I’m fed up of feeling like a doormat but I’m worried this might fuel some anger in him and it will come back on me.

Is this the right thing to do - One of my friends sent him the bills but no response.

I expect a man to leave me with a baby but not excess stress.
I’m currently 6 months and 30 years old.

OP, the question you have to ask yourself is 'is it worth it?'
Is it worth dragging others into your circumstances for £600?
Is it worth fuelling the fire with hi for such a small amount?
I know £600 is ALOT of money, especially at the minute, but speaking from personal experience my ex was very much like yours and I just literally packed up what I could carry and left.
He put in serious debt and I had to take out an IVA to make the debts manageable. I didn't even bat an eyelid when doing it as it meant I never had to contact him again. It's just not worth the stress!
I wasn't pregnant at the time, but you are and you need to protect yourself, as well as baby!
From why you have said you are absolutely better off in your own! I wouldn't bother getting in touch with him, his friends nor family, as it will being more drama and who really wants all that!
I wouldn't even tell him once you've had baby. I'd block him from your life, social media and your phone.
Just draw a line under all of it and try your best to move on.
From one woman to another that has suffered at the hands of this sort of abuse, I truly wish you the very best of luck xx

Handholding OP.

This is obviously not what you thought would happen but I think the reality is that you are on your own.
Better to know and plan for it rather than have a lot of uncertainty as he flits in and out
Make sure you claim CMS and give baby your surname.

I understand the inclination but no, it’s not really the right thing to drag an unrelated party into your dispute. It’s got nothing to do with his friend. It really sucks for you but if the bills are in your name he has no legal obligation to contribute.

He knows he has left you with the bill to pay and clearly doesn’t care. I don’t think involving his friends will make any difference. It’s nothing at all to do with his friends so I don’t think it’s fair to involve them.
I think in this situation I would just be looking to make as clean a break as possible.

Oh fuck him all the way to China and back.
Absolutely defer the bill to him and, once he's paid it, let all his family know what a shit he is and move on with your life.
Block him, move home, flourish.

If the bills in your name op, you can’t just refuse to pay it. You’ll end up with a court order and bailiffs

If the only thing holding you to him is 600 quid pay it and be done.

Block him on everything & move on with your life & your pregnancy.
Could you prove that the medical bills are his? If not, then (sadly) they are your responsibility if they’re in your name.
Once the baby is born make a claim with CMS (or whatever it’s called), until then he doesn’t have to give you anything towards the pregnancy & baby.
Please give the baby your name & tell whoever you want to about your pregnancy and who the dad is....if that gets back to his parents, not your problem!
Good luck!

Yes he should pay.

But if the bill is in your name and you don’t pay the debt won’t just magically disappear, it will stay on your credit score and that could affect you in future. They will send the bill to debt collectors who will add at least £100 to write to you and phone you continually every day for months until you are worn down and pay.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

1)Keep a copy of the bill.

2)Cancel the rest of the health care by phone or in writing, accepting there may be a fee to pay or you may have a minimum term, ie the bill may become a little higher.
3) pay it now or set up a payment plan with the company to pay it off in affordable instalments. Keep track to make sure you pay the correct amount and don’t pay more.

4. decide how you want to proceed re the father.

There are many threads on here about the pros and cons of putting his name in the birth certificate and whether he has to be present to do so etc so check those out.

Decide if you want to get money from him as this can be enforced by law however if he doesn’t earn much or is self employed with two sets of books you will get buttons. If he pays he will want to see the child. It’s like they seem to think they want their money’s worth while only paying buttons.
Perhaps not now but in years to come he may grow up and want to see the child.
Consider if you want that useless, lying, stingy arse getting access to her/him.

5. Consider if you want to give the grandparents the opportunity to see their grandchild. They may be nice people? They may want to help financially or with babysitting or childcare once or twice a week to let you get back to work/get out to see friends, while they enjoy their flesh and blood - whether or not fannybaws wants to be involved.

They will shout at him and give him a hard time about the situation and he may come back after that to shout at you. Your choice if you want to go through that - but don’t underestimate how knackering children are and how you will be utterly fed up with a little one demanding and deserving attention every waking minute of your day. How you would love to just go shower in peace! And to go for coffee without dc once a fortnight what a luxury!
If they are nice, consider how you want to proceed.

6. same with his friends. He wants to keep you and baby as a dirty little secret so his friends dont slag him off or tell him to pay or indeed tell his new burd he’s a father. When he gets one. He doesn’t want anyone to know as he is either embarrassed or stingy. What a prize.

Good luck.