I can feel myself getting addicted to hpt

[TTClou]

I'm about 6 nearly 7 weeks pregnant after losing my son 23 weeks ago, he was born sleeping and so perfect. I'm constantly afraid I'm gonna lose this baby and cant stop myself from testing. I've taken 6 so far and still have 1 clearblue in my cabinet. I have to see the 2 strong line or words pregnant to reassure myself. Surely this cant be healthy but I cant stop, anyone else been like this?

Hi @TTClou I firstly just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about your son, it really is the worst thing imaginable to go through. I lost my son last year too so I can sympathise with how you feel, I'm just ahead of you at around 8 weeks pregnant and have been feeling anxious about it too. I know the HPT will give you comfort but after seeing that 3+ weeks I think it's time to step away, it's a good reassurance that everything is heading in the right direction. Have you asked about an early scan? I had one last week on the NHS and it provided a lot of relief. Even if the NHS won't offer one maybe a private one would help? As you may end up spending the same ££ on HPT's. Just something to consider. I know COVID does put a spanner in the works with things but the benefits may outweigh the risks in your situation. Congratulations on your pregnancy and wishing you a very uneventful time follow by getting to bring this little one home🥰

Hi OP. I’m so sorry about losing your son, how awful for you. You must be extremely anxious. I am now 33 weeks pregnant but suffered with terrible anxiety in the early half of pregnancy because of years trying to conceive , IVf and previous miscarriage. I think I had about 9 scans in the time it took till I was 20 weeks pregnant. In some ways I feel it fed my anxiety but I couldn’t help myself. I still have my moments but am much calmer now I feel regular movements.

Now that you are nearly 7 weeks pregnant you would get much more reassurance from a scan than preg tests. i know consultants I spoke to said not to bother with HCG once you could see something on the ultrasound. They said they become quite irrelevant. Private scans aren’t cheap but if you can afford one perhaps that would help? Or perhaps your EPU could see you, although I know with COVID they might not be seeing patients.

Wishing you all the best.

Scans in my other pregnancies was a great reassurance (I have 5 boys) but I dont believe it will be this time. With my youngest son I had scans every 3 days for 5 weeks due to "unexplained bleeding" my sons heart beat was always great, wiggling about and looked healthy, midwives constantly told be everything was "fine" and some women just bleed!!! At 23 weeks my waters broke and I see my sons prolapsed cord when I went to the bathroom. 5 weeks they told me I was ok, my son my healthy ans that they were testing for everything what they didnt do was test me for b strep. The infection got into my waters and my son was born sleeping. I dont think I will ever trust a midwife or scan ever again no matter what anyone says. The only midwifes I trust, because they never once lied to me no matter how painful it was to hear was the bereavement midwives in the bereavement suit of the hospital where my son was born on the 26th nov 2019.
I want so badly to relax and look forward to meeting my new baby but I have no trust in anyone, not even myself to protect him/her for 40 weeks. I'm scared every day, I had no idea I had a infection so how will I know this time. I cant handle the thought of bring another baby home in a tiny white urn 😭