Unplanned pregnancy - not sure what to do!

[Cr17]

Hi all,

Sorry this is long, however would love some advise from people who have been in the same situation as we currently are.

Me and my husband have been together for 12 years, we always knew from the start that we wanted a child together. We pretty much tried for a baby from early on and after years it just never happened. We went to the doctors and was put in the 'unexplained infertility' category we had our first round of IVF at the end of 2014 and unfortunuly that didnt work, we waited a few months and tried again and in 2015 we had our 2nd round of IVF and we had a positive pregnancy test and the same day I started to bleed and unfortunuly we had a miscarriage. This was devastating to us and anyone who has been through IVF knows how hard it is, however my husband was so supportive through it all it made it easier to deal with.
After we miscarried we decided to give it a break as amazing IVF is it can be strain on you emotionally! Time passed and even though we wasnt taking any contraception nothing happened so we kind of came to terms that maybe a baby wasnt going to be so we just got on with our lives and accepted life with the 2 of us.
However I have taken a pregnancy test and i am pregnant! We liturally cannot believe this has happened.. it's a miracle! Although this is amazing that we are now pregnant we are unsure of what todo... I know this sounds crazy as we always wanted to have a child however times have changed, we are older, we are financially worried, the company my husband works for is due to close so he will no longer have a job! We currently earn a good wage between us but we live by our means and soon to be only 1 of us working! We are so stuck on what's best to do for our future! My husband is 12 years older than me so I do worry about bringing a baby into this time of our lives and the sad thing is there is no "were not ready now but maybe in the future" it is either now or never... we have planned on things to do in the future that didnt involve having a child, on the other hand I cant help but keep thinking having an abortion was something i wouldn't have done especially going through what we have been through but I cant help but have to think of the future!

If anyone has been through this your help will be much appreciated! X

It's now!! The baby has been created, think of what you went through before. A wonderful thing has happened to you both. Most obstacles can be overcome but a child is the best thing in the world!

Hi. Probably not quite the same scenario as we couldn't get pregnant but I was overweight so we didn't go down the path of seeking answers. I've always yo yo'ed.

After 4 years ttc we took on another rescue dog so had 3 older dogs with lots of medical issues. That was the Dec. I fell pregnant in the Jan so I know the feelings of shock when you've moved on emotionally.

I was 36. Been with Dh since I was 18.

Money worries are generally always a feature in the early days. Don't beat yourself up about questioning how you'll cope. But you will!

Congratulations!

Life has a way of throwing curve balls at you. This is one such time. And what a (possibly wonderful) curve ball this is.

As you say it's now or never. Could you live with a decision to abort? Is there a tiny kernel of excitement? Take some time to let the news sink in. I'm sure your feelings will show themselves one way or another.

A fair few women and men come to parenthood late so you would not be the only older parents (don't think you said your ages).

Good luck with your decision making. For what it's worth if it were me I'd go for it (aged 53 and if I could have the chance to do it even now I would). But it has to be a decision that you come to as a couple and that you both can live with.

Sorry just realised I didnt put our ages 🤦‍♀️ I'm 35 and my husband is 47 x

I was in some kind of this situation 2 years ago. I and my husband wanted to have a baby in 2018 then March 2018 I was pregnant we were very happy. My husband changed his job and started working in London (he stayed there over the weekdays and came home Friday evening) we live in Birmingham. Before I knew I was pregnant I quitted my job (handed my resignation in March just before I found out) and was going to work at new firm but it wasn’t going as plan so I was jobless. I had period pain at 5 weeks but no bleeding, I went to see GP and she said might be the implantation. Just 3 days before my 12 weeks scan (June 2018), I was bleeding heavily then the baby’s gone the next day. Before I miss carriaged my husband couldn’t get any project so he worked from home at the time so I had him when this happened. Now I’m 38weeks+
4 days and can’t wait to see our little princess (October 2018 my husband quitted then had no job for 6 months. I came back to my old job in September 2018)

Financial difficulty will happen anyway but don’t give your hope up yet. I’m 33 and my husband is 35. We just bought new apartment last month which we still can’t fully move there yet so pay mortgage and rent this month aren’t the ideal.

Sending love to you and sorry for long story xx

I would personally see it as this baby has been brought into your life at this time to brighten up your days.
The situation with your husband and his job may not be ideal at the moment, but that is only a temporary issue! In 8 months time when the baby is born your situation is likely to be very different.

I thought you were going to say you were both much older. 35 is not old and your dh at 47 is plenty young enough to have a child. At 35 if you don't take this chance I think you may live to regret it.

If we all wrote down on paper what it would cost to have and bring up a child none of would go through it!

I also thought you were going to say you were much older, mid 40s. You are still only in your 30s, a great age to have kids. Not that there is anything wrong with having kids in your mid 40s either!

Ultimately it is your decision though. You would get a little financial help with a baby, perhaps not much though. Maybe write out the pros and cons?

Hi all, I'm not sure if you will see this but just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to give advise, it's much appreciated!
We have decided to keep the baby, weve realised although this was a complete shock, its just meant to be! X

@Cr17 oh I'm so glad you have come back.

Can I say huge congratulations to you both and wish you an uneventful pregnancy.

Maybe you can allow yourself a little excitement now that the shock has worn off. X

A lot can change in 9 months, your OH will look for work and hopefully find another job or you'll go on benefits for a while until he does eventually find another job and you'll become a wonderful mother.

When I had my first baby we were still living at our parents houses, he didn't have a job until I was 9 months pregnant and did one day in that job before I gave birth on the second day he was due in, so I was left to raise my baby on my own when he was at work with no help for the first two weeks as I'd moved in with him and his mum but she didn't help. People knew I needed stuff so passed on clothes and I bought a lot of things myself. You'll need to save and he'll need to look for work. I wouldn't give up the baby if it's going to be your last chance, you can do it no matter what!

Lovely news! Congratulations. It seems like it was just meant to be. Wish you all the luck with your pregnancy

@Cr17 happy for you both. Drink loads and keep yourself happy
Hope you have a wonderful pregnancy xx

Hi I just read your post, and I’ve seen your update that your planning on keeping the baby. That’s great news and I wish you all the best.

I’m in slightly a similar situation. Long term partner for my age back then, had 7mmc 2011 - 2015. Went through years of being told it’s unexplained, one of them things, your young. Started IVF, only to be told I didn’t meet the needs, fertility issues, no eggs. Relationship broke down, he moved on and started a family. I went through years of counseling, tests, to be told I have no chance, if any of having a child. Spent years getting my head round it, met my current ex, took on 3 wonderful boys, but our relationship ended. Counseling started again, for grieving that loss. Planned my life, holidays, traveling, work development / moves. But life threw me a curve ball, I’m 15 weeks pregnant, how... well that’s unexplained too. Not how imagined me to ever be a parent, single, on my own, but it’s one of them miracles. They say when you stop wanting, it happens. I’ve decided to keep the baby, it’s going to be hard, the pregnancy is hard (more mentally), but I will get there, as will you both. Stand by each other, you have time to plan, prepare. A baby needs things, but most of all it needs love, and no matter what your employment circumstances are, age, you can give it that. X

@DressingGown87 I'm so sorry to hear about your journey! It's so hard when you've always wanted to have a child and it just doesn't happen. I've never known anyone who I could talk to that knows what its like to go through what we have been through! I'm so happy for you, best wishes, big hug!

Thank you all again for your kind messages and sharing your stories!
It's appreciated so much and we feel alot more relaxed now and more excited! 🙂

Congratulations

It's actually quite common for people who are trying for a baby to suddenly have second thoughts once they actually get pregnant, it's suddenly a scary reality. 😁

How exciting for you