Help

[Bekka94]

Hi currently 20 weeks pregnant with my first and going through a mentally hard break up with the babies dad and struggling to come to terms with the fact its over still in love with him but so much has happened he can't see a way back for us basically we were in the process of buying a house so in the meantime were living at his parents so we could be together through our pregnancy but due to the fact I've never got on with his mum the living situation became uncomfortable and we started arguing literally everyday cant remember the last time we didn't argue his mum was so hurtful and wished me and his baby didn't exist and told me he felt the same as her so after another argument with him about his mum he again chose his mum never asked him once to choose as I still respect the fact it's his mum but I left the house and came back to my mums since coming I've tried to talk to him and find out if this is really how he feels but he wont talk to me doesnt reply to messages and has shown no interest in the pregnancy since I left and I'm really struggling to come to terms with what's happened as well as putting the baby first but I wondered if anyone has experienced this before and has any advice on how to deal with it because I literally an emotional mess sorry for the long post

Not sure if it’s the best advice but you don’t need this just now and if this man can’t care for you and your unborn child just now then what will things be like when your baby is born.
Focus on you and your baby, let your mum help you and try not to focus on this person (easier said than done I know)
You don’t need this stress just now.

The fact that you are pregnant with his child and he is now completely ignoring you speaks volumes I'm afraid.
Sorry you are going through this.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm 38 weeks pregnant with my second baby to the same man, we'd been together 8 years, married for 1.5 and after a silly row he left me at 24 weeks pregnant, with no prior warning he was unhappy. I know the pain, the confusion, the fear you must be feeling. I know that right now you must be feeling at your absolute worst. All I can say is to take one day at a time. Try your best to not think about the birth, baby's first birthday, living in your own etc.... because you don't know what it'll look like then or how you'll be feeling. Concentrate on now and you. I bet in a few weeks he'll be back, but if he isn't, like me and many others you will get through it. In laws have a massive role to play in relationships, and I think from my own experience and experiences of friends etc sometimes the male in-laws can struggle to let go. I'm going to be a mummy to two boys so I mean no offence by that! Just take some space and know that this time in 1 month, 3 months, 6 months etc.... you won't feel how you feel now.
Part of me hates my ex and doesn't even recognise him. He feels like a stranger. But I also love him still despite everything. Maybe I try and see the good in people too much. But it's a process and I don't know the outcome. I often tell myself that I don't know what next year will look like as I'd never have predicted this last year so just let it be.
When my grandad died my mum told me that the grief doesn't go away, but the same sadness appears with larger and larger interviles. I think the same with a break up.
You can do this, and I'm here to talk if you ever need to xx

Nobember90

So sorry to hear you've been through the same situation as I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy your advice is very much appreciated and the way you've handled the situation and still got a positive outlook is admirable so thank you xx

@Bekka94

Aww thank you lovely. You're right it's just such a tough situation. I'm 2 weeks away from my due date now so the baby could come at any point and all I keep thinking of is how different it should be. I was robbed my pregnancy because of the heartache and I feel like I'm gonna be robbed the newborness because of this lockdown and virus :( but I suppose we all just have to keep moving forward. You really will surprise yourself just how strong you're going to be. It's so true that when you're at your weakest you're actually at your toughest! Trust me ❤️

I was in a similar situation 16 years ago.
H left at 18 weeks for ow after 9 years together and 4 years of infertility treatment I felt lost.
He didn't communicate, he chose not to be a regular part of dc life, he's never paid cm.
At the time it was awful however I remember waking up after about 4 weeks of separation and thinking I have to get on with life and make it the best I can for dc. I wrote a list and concentrated on practical things till I could cope with going through the emotional stuff. I did this by sorting out our accommodation, sorting out what I needed for baby, negotiated new working hours, researched tax credits etc. I did self care. I did this till it became my new normal - it wasn't what I'd planned or expected however it was what was happening I couldn't control some things but other things I could.
Being a single parent has its advantages and disadvantages, focus on the advantages and try not to dwell on the disadvantages. Don't compare yourself to the two parent family and remember you don't know what goes on behind closed doors - they're not all perfect.
Dc is nearly 16 and growing into a remarkable young man, he knows I always did my best with the resources and knowledge I had at the time, he did meet his father a few years ago but father didn't want to know /make an effort so after 2 meetings dc decided to concentrate on what he had. Meeting actually helped him realise it was father's issues not dc issues.
Take one day at a time you will manage, you will come out the other end and you will be able to say I did my best for my child.
Start from a position of not expecting anything from your ex (or anyone else for that matter) and you're never disappointed and any help you get is a bonus.
Best of luck.

@Historyofeverything1 that's such good advice, to not compare yourself to a family with 2 parents. I do it all the time, it's such a weakness of mine and it doesn't get me anywhere!
I'm sorry you had such a rough time, it's hard to understand how parents can just walk away. Part of me selfishly thinks it'd be easier, but only for me and not my boys! He's a constant reminder of what I wanted but I suppose i just have to try my best to move forward!