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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Not strong enough to give birth without DH

15 replies

peasoup8 · 22/04/2020 14:59

I’ve had a difficult and anxious pregnancy with various complications. I’m finally near to the end now and will be getting induced soon. DH is allowed in for active labour and a few hours after, but other than that I will be on my own because of the shitty coronavirus situation. I personally don’t agree with birth partners not being allowed in the whole way through, but that’s a whole other conversation.

Anyway, I have a serious phobia of hospitals and the thought of spending time in one without DH by my side totally freaks me out. I’m afraid of being on a noisy ward with potentially horrible staff and basically having to deal with everything completely on my own. It feels like I’m going into prison.

Does anyone have any advice on how the hell to get through this with my mental health intact?

OP posts:

AGoodDay · 22/04/2020 15:05

Do you have to be in hospital for the whole induction?
The answer may be yes, but generally people can go home after a sweep and sometimes after the next stage too. If that's an option then you might not be alone for much of it anyway.

Original poster

peasoup8 · 22/04/2020 15:07

I have to be in the hospital for the whole time because of issues with my pregnancy unfortunately. Otherwise I’d be out of there like a shot!

OP posts:

fellyjish · 22/04/2020 15:09

Can you have him on FaceTime the whole time? Or can you distract yourself with a box set/audio book and something comforting from home like a pillow?

Sounds a horrible situation but at least once you're in active labour he can be there

lettersbyowl · 22/04/2020 15:20

Agree with @fellyjish You've got to view it this way - you need to take the fastest route to active labour so he can be with you and that is being relaxed, and upright/forward/open in your position and getting the natural oxytocin flowing once they've started the induction. SO make your plan, how are you going to simulate that feeling of him being there so you don't feel stressed? Even if it sounds ridiculous. FaceTime? A game played over house party together? A scarf that smells of him that you can breathe into, with your ear plugs in and eye mask on to block everything out while sitting on a ball? Watching movies you both love, or listening to a playlist he puts together for you? You have been carrying this baby in your body all by your big bad self for all these months and I assure you if you can do that, you can do the early stages of labour on your own / with your DHs remote support. Plus you are never alone in labour. There are hundreds if not thousands of women labouring at the same moment as you all round the world, because women are kick arse brilliant. You can do this OP.

Rodent01 · 22/04/2020 15:22

Once baby is here, if things are ok you might get out without going to the ward - depends on the time of day - I left 2 hours after DD2 was born - didn’t go to ward, went from birthing suite straight home.

sel2223 · 22/04/2020 17:22

You are not going to give birth without DH, he will be there by your side.

The bit before that is where you will spend time on your own and you absolutely are strong enough to do that! Just take a book, some music, snacks....video call him every hour....you will be fine. The boredom will be more the issue over anything else.

Remember everyone is there to help you through it and every other woman there is in the same boat. Overthinking it will be making you feel more anxious and will make it all seem so much worse. You just have to keep telling yourself that he is going to be beside you when you give birth and you are not going to be alone.

cornflakes86 · 22/04/2020 17:23

I think In all honesty that the midwives and other staff in the hospital will be very understanding of how difficult this situation is and give extra support? I know it’s not easy being alone on a busy ward but I think if you have any concerns staff will want to help you as best they can. As a nurse myself I would hate to think of a patient being so anxious on a ward and going through it alone I am also heavily pregnant and I have been in and out of hospital a few times with various issues and I have found most of the staff extremely helpful and kind. I don’t think it will be as bad as you think. And I agree with other suggestions use face time or you can chat to your husband on the phone when you are feeling anxious.

RyvitaBrevis · 22/04/2020 22:02

The ward probably won't be very noisy, if that helps. The maternity services Facebook user group in my area of expectant / new mums and midwives has reported that the wards have been quite positive places with only the mothers and babies now. A lot of the noise in the past has come from visitors and lots of extended family coming and going, partners making noisy phone calls etc. So I know it's not at all what you want, but you may find it oddly nice that it's only ladies and there aren't men you don't know around at all hours.

Mccracken23 · 22/04/2020 22:12

@peasoup8 would it help
If DH stayed in the car park. He will never be too far away. I know it depends on what time and how quickly you progress but if he is close and the minute he can come in that might settle you a little?

museumum · 22/04/2020 22:16

I know some people have had bad staff experiences but most midwives are genuinely totally lovely and supportive. Honestly.

LH1987 · 23/04/2020 07:16

Hi @peasoup8, similarly I hate hospitals and I also have a real phobia of health professionals (whom I know are brilliant just scare me), that being said I have had to spend a lot of time in them including 1 month two years ago after waking up from a 7 week coma! So some coping mechanisms that help me

noise cancelling head phones
Lush, sleepytime, cream (I swear by it)
calming essential oils
where possible, keep normal cloths on, not PJs (it will make you feel more normal)
order deliveroo etc takeout to the ward (if allowed), it at least gives you something to look forward to.

Most importantly, every time you are worried or panicking, remember, you are in the best possible place with professionals who want to help you and know what they are doing.

Also, remember, IT WILL END and you will get out of there with a lovely baby.

ChikiTIKI · 23/04/2020 07:32

Might not be a popular suggestion but have you thought about having a c section? I have had a planned c section in lockdown and had my husband with me for the whole procedure including the spinal.

MandalaYogaTapestry · 23/04/2020 08:07

You can absolutely give birth without your DP - let alone wait for the birth without him. He is there just for support and he will be there during crucial bit. But even without him, the baby will still be born, there is no other outcome of any labour. You will be fine, try to get a grip and concentrate on good things rather than fears and preferences which cannot be met at this time. Wishing you well.

Original poster

peasoup8 · 23/04/2020 08:47

Thanks for all the comments - they really help.

Might not be a popular suggestion but have you thought about having a c section?

I would love one but not an option for me sadly - hospital want to induce.

Also, remember, IT WILL END and you will get out of there with a lovely baby.

Thanks. Just scared of all the pain and being on my own that I have to go through to get there!

OP posts:

ChikiTIKI · 23/04/2020 13:27

It's ultimately your choice so if you want a c section you can have one, you don't have to consent to induction either.

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