Looking for reassurance

[Victoria2220]

New to Mumsnet. Don't know all the acronyms yet! I am 36, married 3 years, together for 13. DH and I decided to stop contraception in Feb after 20 years on the pill. My period was due on Wednesday and it took me until this morning to take the test because I was absolutely beside myself with terror. I couldn't face the reality of being pregnant even though I was technically trying. I assumed because of my age etc it might take a while. The test was positive and I am just petrified. I dont feel excited at all. My DH seems OK about it and he has been really upbeat and light-hearted which I appreciate because I feel like I am a nervous wreck. He agreed to try even though he has never been overly interested in having children really, I think he's just gone along with it to make me happy. I think if I told him I never wanted children he would have been fine with that. So my main cause of terror isnt the baby, for some reason I feel awful that I have ruined my husband's life, pushed him into something he could've happily gone without and when the baby comes it will be so awful and stressful we will resent each other and ruin our marriage! We are so happily married, I love him dearly and we have a wonderful life and this news has made me feel like I have ruined everything for us and I am questioning why I wanted to do it. I am totally overwhelmed.
I'm sorry if this isn't making lot of sense. Did anyone else feel this way? Does it get better?

I actively tried to conceive for over a year and still felt an overwhelming terror when I found out I am. I already have a DD so this is DC2 for me and I was still scared.

I’m now 18 weeks and cannot wait to have my baby here.

I meant to add:

Congratulations. Hopefully the news will start to sink in soon.

Exactly the same with both my babies.... even after months of trying and a miscarriage. I think I'm just a bit change averse as I felt similar after getting engaged - despite pestering him for about 4 years beforehand! Good luck, it will all be fine zzz

I have the exact same fear. My husband didn't want kids but I got pregnant after I was sick on the pill. Husband said he'd support me no matter what so we decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. I'm so scared that when baby is here he will hate being a dad and resent me for it, I feel sometimes I have forced him to become a dad when it's not something he wanted. I think this is just deep down anxiety though and truly think our relationship is stronger than that. He's never expressed any resentment for us continuing with the pregnancy and he's been very supportive and happy through the past 6 months.

Yes sounds the same as me! I hope our relationship is stronger than that too but I know a baby will test us to the limit. I keep thinking about how lovely things are now and why couldn't I have just been happy with what I already have? Why have I pushed us into this and potentially ruined what we have?
I've just worked out my due date... Christmas Day!!!

The DD may change at the 12 week scan. Mine moved forward a few days.

Yes, your life is going to change but the chances are that it will be changing for the better. As much as having a child is a stress and tie, I wouldn’t change my life with my DH and (soon to be two) DC.

@Victoria2220 yep, exactly my feelings. Keep thinking of our old life, happy in a 1 bed flat with no worries! Now had to move into a house for more space which is more expensive plus the extra cost of a baby... am trying not to focus on negatives though and honestly have not personally seen anyone split up because of a baby (though not denying it doesn't happen) and never seen anyone truly regret their child.

Yep I felt the same. I’m 37 and had been off the pill for five years as I didn’t like what it did to my body. Had never got pregnant and didn’t particularly want to but obviously I knew it could happen. And then it did! I’m now 29 weeks pregnant.

The good thing is you have time. Time to consider all options and also time to adjust to the idea. Let yourself feel your feelings and explore the different outcomes. Talk it through with your husband. I think just knowing I could get out of it helped and ultimately I decided that this was what life had chosen for me and i am now up for the challenge and sometimes even excited about it x

Maybe the fact it happened so quickly is part of the reason it's unsettled you so much!?

I found the first few weeks of being pregnant really surreal...knowing you are but not having anything to 'show' for it and trying to keep it secret etc! X

I think the speed at which it happened hasn't helped. I also don't have the primal urge to have children, I just didn't want to miss my chance and just hoped that we would love it when it happens. Now I think perhaps I would have been happier beind childless. I felt like a boat was about to set sail and I had to jump on it before it did, otherwise I would regret it. Now I wonder if i should have stayed on the shore.

You've not ruined his life or your own. Having a baby is an amazing journey and yes it is hard at times but once that baby is in your arms you'll be completely besotted and you made that together.

Oh thank you so much, that just made me cry. I hope this will be true for us more than anything. It's hard because I don't want to tell anyone until 12 weeks so there is no one really to talk to right now. Thank you

I think it's very common to feel shocked etc after a positive test even if trying especially if it happens quickly. Fwiw I was never interested in babies/children. I have three now as after DD1 I did get broody.

@erised just checking in to see how you're feeling a few days later? I feel numb. No positive feelings at all about being pregnant :(