Surname help?!

[Bittersweet12]

Hi girls! Bit of a long ish one.

So me and my partner wasn't 'actively trying' for a baby but agreed once it happened we would be happy about this.
I don't think my partner expected it to happen as quick as it did and when i found out I was pregnant he was a bit of a prat, saying 'oh I don't feel ready for this ideally I don't want this right now'
I was so upset, and I knew this was sooo out of character for him as we've been together 4 years never argued or anything really so guessed it was shock as Ive head some of my friends partners be a little on the irresponsible side at the start of their pregnancies. I thought I would give it a week and see if his tune changed at all.
During that week, he did actually say he was sorry he acted the way he did and would support me no matter what!
I then became a little upset on the thought of us not all having the same surname (I was never bothered by this before at all, I put it down to early pregnancy hormones haha) so I approached him on this, asking if we could get married before baby to all share the last name as it felt like a big deal to me! He agreed to this, so I did book a notice of marriage appointment.
Few days later he said 'I don't feel ready for this as it feels rushed because of baby'
I was upset by this as I felt it was something else he let me down over! I then said well I'd like baby to have my surname then. He did (not happily) agree to this.
I'm now almost 32 weeks pregnant and all of that happened in the first few months of the pregnancy and since all that he'd been amazingly supportive, happy about having a daughter and has apologised for his attitude at the start admitting he was completely upset with how he acted.

I now feel bad that baby would have my surname, as I said all this was months ago so I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way now, just like to know someone else's opinion on this!
Thank you!!!

I think the whole surname thing only matters if you’re genuinely concerned about the future of your relationship, if you’re happy and see yourself getting married later on then give the baby his name, if you don’t or have any doubts, then give the baby your name for now! My daughter has my partners name and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest to have a different name to her.

Give the baby your surname, I can't stress this enough

Tbh he sounds flaky and uncommitted, if you split down the line he'll never agree to you changing the babies surname from his to yours.

Your surname, change it IF you & dad ever marry each other.
It’s very difficult to change if you give the baby dad’s name & split up.

I would give the baby your name. If you get married, then you could change it. This would be much easier than trying to change it back to your name, if you were to separate in future.

Me and my OH are not married but very committed, own a house etc. We have decided to give the baby both our surnames, but not double barrel. So just two surnames. They often do this in Spanish speaking countries (we aren't Spanish though haha). We don't like the thought of double barrel and even if/when we marry, I won't be changing my name, so this way the baby will have both and it seems fair. xx

I would give the baby your surname. Would not double barrel or give her his surname at all.

I'm giving our baby my surname, when me and Dp get married (hoping next year but neither of us are in any rush) he can either take my surname or we will keep our own. I

Your name. If you do get married in the future you can re register the birth and change the surname to the fathers.

Give the baby your surname.

If the surnames are reasonably short you could give both (with or without a hyphen). If you don't want to do that, your partner's surname could be a middle name.

If you get married in the future, you don't have to change your surname (or baby's) - he could take yours or everyone could just keep their own surnames. You're no less a family for having different surnames.

I think the whole surname thing only matters if you’re genuinely concerned about the future of your relationship

I disagree with this. Obviously if you want to give your baby your partner's name then that's fine, do it. But giving the baby your own name doesn't mean you are somehow uncommitted to your partner, or concerned that they are not committed to you. To me, it just makes sense for the baby to have my name - I'm the one that's carrying it after all! DP having a different name doesn't make us any less committed as a family

Apologies I actually think I worded this incorrectly, what I meant by it was it shouldn’t really be something to overthink if you’re committed to your partner as whoever’s name you chose you still see yourself as a family unit

Yes - that makes sense.