Any first time mums panicking that they’re not ready?

[Jem9153]

Hello :)

I’m sure I’m not the only one but for the last few days I’ve had a sudden awful sense of dread, and I’m suddenly questioning my ability to be a mum and panicking I’m totally not ready and I’m gonna be terrible

I’m 26 and this is our first baby, none of our close friends have kids yet, I think I’ve held a baby twice in my life at most! My fiancée is just as inexperienced as me 😂

I’m so excited for baby to arrive but I just feel like a fish out of water when I realise that I don’t even really know how to sterilise a bottle and I’ve never changed a nappy in my life. I have no idea how to breastfeed, or make a bottle if I choose to formula feed 😫

I really wanted to do some classes but obviously with coronavirus they’re all cancelled, I’ve been googling and watching bits on YouTube but I feel so unprepared. I’m not due until August so have time to learn I’m just so worried I won’t pick it up.

Does it just come to you? I know it’s gonna be a massive learning curve I’m just stressing that I won’t be good enough. The more I read the more I realise I don’t know haha!

I would love to hear positive stories from people who felt the same! 💕

I can’t help with positive stories as I’m in the same boat as you! I’m absolutely terrified as I have no idea of how to deal with a baby!!

One plus side is my partner worked in a nursery for 10 years before he had a change of career and he’s always been good with children but I do worry what will happen when he goes back to work and I’m left on my own!!!

I'm on baby number 3 now and believe me, you'll never feel truly prepared - especially atm with covid! When our first was born I remember holding him and turning to my husband to say 'What do we do him now?' It does fall into place though I promise. You learn to go through the basics every time they cry 'Food? Wind? Nappy? Sleep? Bored?' and soon you know exactly what they want without thinking too much about it. I'm a big believer in breastfeeding. I won't push you either way but I will say breastfeeding made my life so so much easier that worrying about properly sterilised bottles constantly and now the added stress of will the shops have any formula on the shelves? Sticking a baby on a boob seemed to solve most problems they had. I worried about it at first as DS1 fed for a few sucks then stopped then seemed to be hungry again soon after. I worried I wasn't doing it right and he wasn't eating enough...then the midwife pointed out his stomach was the size of a marble and he was feeding perfectly normally.

I felt like you - lots of things you’ll pick up as you go and anything else you can look up online so don’t worry! My DH and I were early 20s when we had our first, only been together for a year and it was a learning curve a huge learning curve. Even holding the baby at first was so scary! And I’d never changed a nappy before. But honestly, you get to know your baby, at first everything seems quite difficult - bathing them, changing their clothes, winding them is all new - but you just jump in and get on with it. Everything becomes second nature, it really does. You will be good enough, many things will come naturally but you’ll also learn things as you go too. It’s hard work but it’s amazing. It’s normal to be a bit scared but you’ll be fine, you really will.

I have days like this and I've had a bunch of experience with babies and kids (family babies etc). I have days where all I can think of is "What have I done?? I can't handle a screaming baby. What if this happens, what if that happens?" etc. Seems to be completely normal though. We'll just have to go with the flow!

Just want to say that baby I was talking about is now 6 and he’s amazing. I still remember exactly how I felt the moment he was handed to me. The moment we took him home from the hospital. The first time I took him out in the pram on my own. Oh I was so nervous. Honestly you learn quickly. You’ll be great. Enjoy it!

Hello,

I felt terrified too. Prior to having my baby I had never held a newborn and didn't even know how to change a nappy! I also didn't attend any classes before the birth. It sounds silly, but it is completely different when it is your own baby and I am surprised at how quickly I got into the mindset of a new mum. Babies (unless they are very premature) are also surprisingly sturdy and resilient.

I've found lots of helpful posts on Mumsnet and other forums to help me with questions/problems. You may also find "The Wonder Weeks" app useful. It gives you a week-by-week guide on what to expect as your baby develops.

One note, in response to a PP - please don't feel pressurised into pursuing breastfeeding if it isn't for you. In my case, the milk never came in properly and so I inadvertently ended up with a starving baby until I switched to bottles. I'll leave the bf vs. bottle debate for another day.

xx

Agree with all the above, no one feels ready, it's normal.

I didn't change DS nappy until he was about a week old as DH did it.

I planned to try BF and FF if needed. DS latched on straight away and we never had feeding issues, so he never had a bottle.t sister laughed at me recently, I looked after her baby and she had to explain how to make formula up as I had never done it.

You dint need to understand all of parenting right now. You can learn as you go among.

DS is nearly 4 and has asked how to read, so today I'm researching how you teach a kid to read. One day I'll need to learn how to teach him other stuff, but will cross those bridges when I come to them

I just wanted to reassure you that you will be fine. I was in the same position as you when I had my first and we all survived.

I had a little NCT book about breastfeeding that I read from cover to cover (I'll attach a pic) and I read it again for my second. My tips would be, don't worry if you don't get it right straight away, it's tricky to feel you're doing it right before your milk comes in on about day 4 and always have a cushion, snacks and a drink to hand before you settle down to feed.

Nappy changing will become second nature very quickly! If you have a little boy then watch out, they wee straight up towards you as soon as the fresh air hits! The very first nappy is a good one to make someone else do if you can!

Oh, day 4/5 hormones are a bitch. Don't worry if you spend all day crying, that's perfectly normal too.

Keep asking on here. I'm expecting my third now and I still look for advice from others when I'm feeling overwhelmed. Good luck!

It’s normal . My daughter is one and a half
Now but when I was pregnant with her I was so worried of messing up. If not being good enough. But when she cane instincts just kicked in. I was still a little worried when she was a newborn and so little. But it passes you just figure it out. My husband was completely clueless so I had to teach him and well as wing it myself. But we got there in the end. You will. Just have faith in yourself

I'm 18 months in with DS and I still don't feel ready.

But, you learn babies are very very resilient. They will cope through any 'mistakes' you make.

My husband, when I first had DS and couldn't move due to EMCS, had to buzz for the nurse to show how to change a nappy.

He is now the best dad I know.

You really do learn on the job. Just provide love, cuddles and milk and you'll be fine.

Nothing prepares you, go with the flow, your instincts are always right, take one day at a time, no one knows everything, accept help but feel free to ignore advice

Be prepared though, at 4 months of age I had the "what they f have I done" and realised I was responsible for teaching/keeping this little one alive etc. Lol it was a positive feeling though

I was exactly the same as you OP - the advice I would give to any first time mum who feels like this is to remember that it’s perfectly ok to not know what you’re doing half the time, it’s a learn on the go job. I remember having a lot of one sided conversations with my newborn that went along the lines of ‘hang on a moment while mummy figures this out...’. You’ll never figure it all out completely and that’s ok. Mine is nearly two now and I accidentally bought some of those pull up nappies - I had new parent flashbacks as I was trying to figure out which way was the back and the front... I think we got it right but who knows. I also learnt the other day that babies vests have those little flaps at the top so you can pull them off downwards when things have gone messy - one of various things that I wish I’d figured out earlier, but hey ho, my DS seems happy enough with me

Dh said the same a few days ago.
We got 2 kittens just over two years ago (so they are fully grown now), and the rescue place asked us loads of questions, checked what food we would give then, if we would be home a lot, how far from road and then came and inspected our house and garden. All before they would hand over 3 month old kittens.

With a baby, they haven't asked us anything! Dh said ' what if we are homeless living in a tent?' how do they know! how do they know we have bought somewhere for them to sleep and will feed them regularly etc..

It’ll be fine. The midwife usually stays with you (getting paperwork written up etc) while you get nappy and clothes on the baby, so you have expert help on hand if you need it. They’ll also help with first feed, whether that’s breast or bottle. I was a huuuuuge fan of breastfeeding with DD1 - it’s so convenient! It never runs out, doesn’t need sterilising or any particular equipment.... but be prepared for cracked and sore nipples about 2 weeks in. Kellymom website is great. There’s probably a breastfeeding support group in your area, although obviously they won’t be running right now. I found that really helpful as it was just a lot of mums that were all breastfeeding so you could talk about any issues. If you bottle feed, there’s plenty of information on that out there too. Dont forget that your Health visitor will come, you can ask them to watch while you feed the baby and they’ll check everything’s fine.

You become an expert on nappy changing really quickly because a newborn you might be changing a nappy ten times a day. So you’ll have it totally nailed by the time you get home from hospital. You can always ask for help if you need it.

Getting a tiny baby dressed is tough as they mostly seem to hate things that go over their heads, like vests. Remember that those envelope sleeves mean that you can take them down over the whole body to acid that - worth it if they’re already in a crappy mood!

Also, Mumsnet will still be here! Plenty of forums to ask any question you need to. Good luck!

Of its any consolation, I'm 37 and pregnant with my first baby and absolutely terrified!
I feel completely clueless and am gutted ante natal classes have been cancelled as I was relying on those to teach me what to do!
I'm currently reading books from Amazon to try and get up to speed but it's overwhelming and I'm constantly questioning if I can actually do this

LOL... I'm 37 and I feel exactly like this! I don't think anyone ever feels ready do they? Even though we were trying I had a really strange reaction after I found out. It was like 'no no no, get out of me, I can't do this!' I think it's a rollercoaster and all responses are normal. I was also talking to my therapist about it because I was judging myself for my reaction and he said he tries to encourage women to really explore their ambivalence towards it, because it's the ones that don't that can be hit hard by PND when they realise how much their lives have just changed. I think mixed feelings are really healthy in this situation xx