Pregnant again at 9 months pp

[ohhellojo]

Found out earlier this week that I’m pregnant again, only 9 months since having our DD. We’re happy about it because we were planning on having another soon, but not THIS soon!

Does anyone who’s had babies so close together have any tips for coping with 2 well under 2? Or even before that, how to deal with being heavily pregnant with a tiny toddler? DD will be 17 months old when this tiny one is due 🙈

There are 15 months between DH and his brother. MIL always says that the first couple of years were hard work, but then BIL pretty much did everything DH was doing. Because of the timings of their birthdays, BiL started preschool at the same time that DH school and it all fell into place then. I think there are probably some big advantages to having siblings close together after the very baby stage.

It’s not an overly close gap. Having a newborn and a small toddler is tough but once they’re older, like mine are, the benefits are endless. They enjoy the same activities/books/games, they play together, and they fight like cats and dogs... like most siblings.

Be organised (e.g. freeze food ahead of the birth, plan for a possible c section and not being able to lift your toddler for a couple of weeks, have a daily routine to get you through the long days) and accept that sometimes they’ll both be crying and you won’t know who to go to first.

Good luck, but you’ll be fine. You’re certainly not the first, and you won’t be the last!

I has 2 under 2 and it was seriously hard! I found pregnancy so much harder when I was sleep deprived anyway, and there were days when I just felt overwhelmed by how.much they both needed me.

However, it was 10 years ago for me and my 2 are such good friends. They don't remeber not having each other, do everything together and are in the same groups for things like dance classes. They've had a completely shared experience for their childhood which is just lovely to see.

My tips for survival - have a double buggy! I used to go out everyday to a playgroup or the library etc, taking a packed lunch that DH would prepare every night and put in the fridge. We used to get up and go in the mornings and then I'd feed dc1 on the way home and then we'd all nap for a couple of hours in the pm once we got home.

Have really low aspirations and expectations. Have lots of easy quick meals ready to go, leave housework and laundry til the weekend when there's 2 of you.

I'm honestly really glad it happened this way for us but I wish I'd been kinder to myself at the time. Good luck.

I have the same gap, teenagers now and it’s great.

I think until the youngest is old enough to sit up it’s hard, after that it gets easier. Younger dd was easier going and just joined in with older dd activities. Also they did both sleep well. Enjoy, it’s great

No direct experience but my friend has 18 months between her 2. She said the main thing that got her through it was to try to get both children to nap at the same time and - if she succeeded with this - she'd always be sure to nap when they napped. Good luck!

I was pregnant at 10 months pp but also has a 4 year old
It’s hard because you never get a rest when pregnant, also there also someone wanted you when you have 2 under 2 but you do get used to it and it amazing seeing them grown together... in 5 week pregnant with #4 my Youngest is only 20 months lol good luck you will be fine xx

Congrats OP I had two under two, the best decision ever IMHO, yes hard work of course, my two DS are very close friends as well as brothers they are also complete opposites in personality. They are 18 & 17 now, no regrets in having them so close in age. Enjoy OP, it’s a wonderful journey.

My mum had 11 months between my sisters, so two under one!

Some good practical advice, (and some lovely things to look forward to for me!)

Mine are now 2 and 3 (16m apart).
Being pregnant with a baby is tough!
Having a newborn with a 16 month old is tough, but not impossible. The baby will sit where you put it. The also deprivation is hard. So your partner will need to get up early with toddler as it's likely you will have been up all night with newborn.
I would say my hardest time so far was an 18m old and 2.5 year old.

Now mine are 2 and 3. It's lovely that they have a ready made play date. Particularly during this lockdown! Although my house is an absolute zoo, no matter how much I try to keep on top of things.

Accept all the help you get offered this time! Anyone who wants to babysit for an hour so you can wash your hair in peace etc
The first year with 2 under 2 is survival. So don't worry l beat yourself up if you get nothing done other than get through the day.

Sleep deprivation*

Don’t worry about it at all. It is easy for the first six months until the baby can sit up then starts to move.

Mine are 4 next month and 5.

So worth it they are the very best of friends and loving lockdown because they have each other. I hope they will always feel this way.

There are positives and negatives for every age gap and you will find you will just ‘get on with it’ and not overthink it when the time comes!

I had 15 months between my two, all planned
They are now 14 and 15 years old
I am very much a routine person and think this helped lots
Ie each morning went for a walk, nap time was same time each day etc etc
First couple of years were hard but honestly it was the best decision we made
Kids are now really good friends it’s been lovely to watch them grow up together

I have 11 mo ths difference between my two , i had one born in july and then another born june the next year.

Its hard but its okay, im just glad im getting over the baby years in as little time as possible

Congrats! 16 months between my daughter and son. It was very difficult for the first year, but my son (youngest) was a very unhappy baby and never slept. Had he been of a different temperament, I think it would have been infinitely easier.

Hardest thing for me: the guilt on my eldest in those first few months, but that does pass.

Suggestions to make it easier: get them into the same lunchtime napping routine so you have a couple of hours to yourself in the day. Research a decent double buggy.

My two are absolute best friends; they love each other to bits and are inseparable.

I know the current situation is unique, but even homeschooling them at the same time is working as they are at pretty similar stages developmentally, but that is true of them learning in general as well.

Days out / film selection / activities at home are all so easy because they’re into the same things.

Good luck! X

Aw bless. My cousin did similar with three, then stopped (she had great help from the grandparents). Hopefully the c virus pandemic will have ended when you give birth and you can enlist help. You'll be fine. Congratulations!

I’m in exactly the same position. It’s a bit sooner than we’d planned our second one but we’re happy. I’m just preparing myself that the first year is going to be tough and I’ll be taking any help offered. Good luck to us!

My friend had a 3mth old, then found out she was pregnant with twins! She had 3 under 18mths! People often thought they were triplets. Have you had a scan as yet?

Other than day to complexities, she had help from her mum and sister. One thing they hadn't considered was when they went on their annual trip to Portugual. There is a max of 1 baby per adult on a lap on the plane, so she needed to take her mother with her. They all needed to sit in separate rows, because there are only so many extra masks, for babies on laps, in each row.

@KindKylie @TheEndIsBillNighy thank you! I found I had to severely lower my expectations with DD just to stay sane so I already have no expectations at all for this one 🙈 I’ll be sure to keep a routine of going out regularly though!

@Helpthisgirl 😮 can’t imagine having another child already, but in some ways, was it nice to see the different sibling relationships with the different age gaps?

@Roselily36 @crossfreelancer @somersetlady @christmashope19 this gives me so much hope! I love the idea of them being close and having a confidant aside from me or their dad 💕

@Elouera twins do run in our families so although I’d not even thought of it, it could be a possibility! 😳 that is definate food for thought! And good to know about travelling, thank you!

@excitednerves congratulations! I’m sure it’ll work out fine, just a bit of a surprise!

I also found having a stretchy wrap sling really helpful. I breastfed and learned to bf the youngest in it so some days I felt like I just swapped her onto the other boob occasionally and behaved like a kangaroo . When the youngest got too big for the wrap I got a ssc and she spent a lot of time in that on my front or back, so I could be active with dc1 in the park etc.

I had days where I basically moved them between recepticals and found having a few in the main living spaces helpful. So oldest would go from cot to highchair to maybe buggy while I got sorted to go out (with TV on if needed ) and youngest would go from bouncer to car seat, car seat to pram, pram to moses basket etc, you get the picture.

I read Jules Oliver book before having mine (minus 9 to 1- she had 2 in a year) and her too tip was to make sure the changing bag was forever sticked with set stuff and you rleigiousy replaced anything you'd removed each say. This was massively helpful and with the packed lunch idea I mentioned before, really helped me to get out confidently each day. (Getting your DH to do a packed lunch for you and toddler every day is never wasted as if you stay home it means you can just grab and serve)

I've got a year between mine, they are currently 6 months and 18 months. It is difficult, particularly as I'm not too keen on the newborn stage. But it's got easier since the baby can sit up and entertain himself for a little while. The small interactions between them are lovely to watch. You will manage it and even enjoy it sometimes too!

@ohhellojo it was nice my 6 year old and 3 year old so really close! Glad I’m giving my youngest a play mate, with 3 someone always left out,
You will be fine xx

When I had my children 18 months was the standard age gap, it amazes me how things seem to have changed in a relatively short time. All my children and their friends have siblings in consecutive school years or two years apart. When did this become unusual. Or is it a regional thing, I live just outside a small town, I don't know anyone who would think 18 months is a small gap, is It something to do with house prices etc being higher in large cities? To me under 15 months would be a small gap.

No one can tell you how you'll manage, get on with it and hope for the best, isn't that what we all do

@pleasantville I’ve always lived in small villages or hamlets in Yorkshire so I’ve no idea if cities/regions/house prices change views. Interesting thought though! In my case I’m the only one in my close friend group (I’m 30) with a baby anyway and all my ‘mum friends’ that I’ve made since having DD only have one child aged between 18mo and 3y already - none of them have plans for another until the first hits school age!

@kindkylie we have a few varieties of wraps so I’ll definately try the kangaroo type carrying with the little one. My OH is on board with making lunch (he’s the cook in our house anyway) so we’ll hopefully manage to keep some sort of routine with food 👌🏻. And thank you for the book recommendation! I’ll get that on my Kindle asap!

@Bingit I’m preparing for ‘survival mode’ to begin with 😂

I had a 15 month age gap between my first two then a 14 month gap between DC2 and 3 so three under three! It was pretty bonkers and I did survive in autopilot most of the time but I obviously got through the other side. They’re older now so it’s easier and they largely get along . You will honestly be fine.