Pregnant after neonatal death

[Slp19]

Hi everyone. Just before Christmas we lost our daughter at 2 days old. She was born prematurely and sadly there were too many complications and she didn’t make it. It was the most heartbreaking experience of my life and after having a meeting recently, it turns out that this is could easily happen again. We’ve just found out that we’re pregnant again and although I’m completely over the moon, i also have an overwhelming feeling of fear and guilt. I’ve yet to speak to another parent who has been through this but I think I’m ready now. Any support would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

I have no words of advice to offer but I didn’t want to read and run. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Hi

I lost my daughter in November at 19 weeks. My waters broke a week before that and then she came along but was too premature to survive. Doctors couldn't give me a definitive reason for what happened and so my chances of it happening again are much higher.

I'm also pregnant again (11 weeks now) and to be honest, yes I've been a bit anxious for these first few weeks but I know I will be more anxious during my second trimester this time. I'm afraid I don't have any words of advice, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. I've been telling myself to just take each day as it comes and everyday that I'm still pregnant is a win.

Thank you xx

@heat38 I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been through this too. It’s truly the hardest thing a person can experience. I was 26 weeks when I went into labour and I was told there was a problem with the placenta. I was told that I would have lots of scans and extra appointments to keep a closer eye on the next baby but with the virus still going around, they’ve said it’s too risky for them to have me in the hospital. I’m so grateful to be pregnant again after it took so many years to conceive with my first but I can’t help being so nervous. (Which isn’t going to do me any favours) are they keeping a closer eye on you throughout this pregnancy, or have you been told the same? Thanks for replying.

@Slp19
They told me back in November that when i next became pregnant, they'd make me high risk and they'd scan me every week if I wanted and swab for infection more often too but same as you, with this virus, it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I had a reassurance scan at 8 weeks and they said to me at that point that normally they'd invite me back at 10 weeks but with the virus, they didn't really want to do that. I have my 12 week scan on Monday where they'll do all the physical checks that midwife would normally do at booking and then have booking appointment by phone a few days later so maybe I'll know more about their plan then. But at this point with not being allowed to see midwives or be in the hospital too often, I can't see my care being as thorough as I'd like! Will let you know what happens on Monday and what the say about how often they'll see me. As if pregnancy after what we've been through wasn't already hard enough, this virus comes along and changes everything!

Hey
I lost my son at 22 weeks after a pregnancy that was difficult as I bled on and off. I had extra scans and visits to the neo natal unit but stopped bleeding each time until my waters broke and I
gave birth. He was born alive but died after an hour. Without doubt the saddest and most difficult time if my life!
I then fell pregnant again and had a scare but rested and I finally gave birth normally - such a relief! He is now 16 and still feel so lucky to have him. I hear your pain 🌼

@heat38 it’s really hard isn’t it! I’ve booked a private scan at 8 weeks because I don’t think I could cope waiting any longer than that. I’m just so nervous. It’s a much smaller building and no one will be waiting inside etc. So the risk of contracting the virus there will be significantly lower than in the hospital. That would be great if you could let me know. Thank you. Best of luck with everything x

@72Georgie thank you so much for replying. I didn’t realise how much I needed to hear about other people’s experiences. I’m so sorry that this has happened to you too. There’s just no words to describe the pain of seeing your baby go through that. That’s amazing that you’ve since had a healthy pregnancy, I’m so pleased for you and it’s very reassuring. Fingers crossed that’s the same for me too. I forgot how long pregnancy lasts, especially the first few weeks!!

Hi @Slp19. I’m so sorry for your loss.
So sorry to others who have also lost their precious children.

Was there a reason picked up during pregnancy for why your daughter was premature with complications?

My situation is a little different, my son died 6 months ago aged 20 months, it was categorised as SUDC (sudden unexplained death in childhood). He was perfectly healthy and one morning I found him in his cot and he had died in the night. I am now pregnant with his little brother. My previous pregnancy and birth was completely straight forward so I’m not overly anxious about pregnancy complications. But I have an inbuilt fear that awful things now happen and can’t quite imagine that there will be a healthy baby at the end of this. I’m grateful for another chance but it is an absolute emotional rollercoaster.

Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy.

Hi,
I’m so sorry about the loss of your beautiful daughter. I don’t have exactly the same experience but my daughter was stillborn at 36 weeks in 2017. She had a few complications- a huge one that wasn’t even picked up on any scans. We so wanted to get pregnant again and we did in August 2018 and now he is a healthy one year old. The pregnancy was filled with anxiety, but to get through it we had scans every 2 weeks from 20 weeks (some private, some hospital) and just literally taking it day by day and take as much help as they offer. We had around 18 scans altogether, starting at 6 weeks. The whole pregnancy was so nerve racking and he was induced at just gone 36 weeks as I needed him out.
Take it day by day and just keep in touch with your consultants and midwives.
Sending you and everyone else so much love 💓 xx

Hi @Slp19 I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. It's an experience no parent should have to go through, and it's a grief journey you'll always be on now. I lost my son neonatally at 6 days old in August last year, it really is the most truly heartbreaking experience anyone can go through. I'm so sorry to the other mothers on this thread who have also experienced the loss of their child. We recently found out I am pregnant too a few weeks ago which is exciting but also terrifying. I'm trying just to take every milestone as it comes and appreciate every day that I am pregnant, trying to enjoy this baby as much as possible. I can't lend any advice on how you should feel as everyone is different but I found embracing the experience and trying to be as positive as possible is helping me. You will hopefully be offered more scans and be looked after very well by the hospital, as they are doing so for me, and to make sure you get all of the support you need! Sending lots of love and strength your way💖

Hi @Slp19 so sorry for your loss and congratulations on your pregnancy. I lost my daughter last year at 13 months old. I am now 36 weeks pregnant. My consultant has been amazing, and whilst she can’t promise things will be ok (dd1’s condition wasn’t officially diagnosed so can’t be tested for), she has been very thorough. I have had 16 (yes 16!) scans with fetal medicine, 3 cardiac scans and an mri.

Has your consultant talked through what they can do to prevent prem labour again? (A stitch? Checking cervix length regularly?). I wish you all the best for a healthy pregnancy :)

I know this thread is over 10 days old but would love to hear your experiences?

We lost our little girl daisy at 22+6 which was heartbreaking she fought so hard to stay but was just too little, this was November 28th last year and we still havnt found out why it happened even tho results for placenta where back in feb, everytime I get intouch they say someone will ring me back but never do, going out of my mind as weve just found out I'm pregnant again which is such a shock but a happy one, so basically how long did you wait to find out what happened? is treatment different with next pregnancy? i was told more app and better care after daisy died which was the last thing on my mind walking out of the hospital without her, petrified of the though of burying another baby and lost trust on my local maternity xxx

@Daisysmummy1992 hi I’m so sorry, I haven’t been able to reply to anyone for some reason! I’m so sorry that you’ve been through this too 😞 my results came back about 12 weeks after my daughter passed away although it was only supposed to be 6 weeks. The reason I went into labour was due to an infection in my placenta. There were no symptoms what so ever so nothing I could have done to prevent it (thank goodness because it means it wasn’t my fault) apparently this is the most common reason for women to go into preterm labour. They did tell me that because it has happened once, my chances of it happening again have increased which is very worrying. However.. I have been researching constantly since finding out I was pregnant again and apparently a study was done on 70,000 women where they consumed those yoghurt drinks which contain live cultures, in the 1st trimester and it reduced the chance of preterm labour! There’s not enough evidence to make this a guarantee but it can’t hurt to try!? If you feel anything like I do, which I’m sure you do, you’ll want to try anything! I’ve attached a link so you can have a look and decide if it’s for you or not. Also I know it’s easier said than done but positive thoughts! 😞❤️ Xxx

bmjopen.bmj.com/content/8/1/e018021

@acquiescence sorry for the late reply! Thank you so much for responding and I’m so sorry for your loss I can’t even imagine the trauma that you went through! Although I’m obviously completely devastated that my daughter passed away, I knew she wasn’t going to make it through the night and I knew it was best for her that she had to go. I went into preterm labour at 26 weeks because I had a silent infection. Something that may happen again but hopefully I can at least get past 28 weeks when he or she will have a higher chance of survival. 🤞🏼 You’re going to be a nervous wreck when your son arrives but it will get easier as time goes by and you get out of the 6 month risk zone. The most frustrating part is that it’s completely out of our control! But all you can do is try to stay positive. There will be a baby at the end of this because life isn’t going to be that cruel! I don’t know if you’ve watched “the secret” on Netflix or read the book, but it focusses on how the positive thoughts attract positive outcomes. It’s so hard when life has treated us the way that it has but it’s definitely worth a try? I really hope your little one is safe and healthy xx

@Noshowlomo thank you so much ❤️ I’m so sorry that your daughter was still born 😞 it’s so devastating how many people have lost their babies. That’s so reassuring that you went on to have a successful pregnancy! Thank you for sharing that. We were told that we’d have extra scans and appointments but of course with the virus, I’m not allowed to the hospital as much as I would have been. I’ve got a private scan booked for Saturday (it’s the first one so fingers crossed everything’s in the right place!) and I think I’m just going to keep having private ones as much as I need. If it keeps me calm then it’s worth the money! And it’s a much smaller building and they clean the whole room in between appointments and won’t allow anyone to wait in the waiting area so a lot safer than the hospital at the moment. I’m lucky enough to have the same midwife that I had with my daughter and I’m trying to talk to her about any concerns I have but I think she’s going to be sick of me soon 😂 fingers crossed everything will be ok this time though! Xx

@lionsmum thank you so much and you’re exactly right. It’s so unfair that we’ve had to go through this and I’m so sorry that you’ve been through the same thing ❤️ That’s exactly how we’re trying to look at this pregnancy I’m just absolutely terrified that something will be wrong at the first scan. I think if everything is ok at this scan then I will be able to start appreciating everything more. Even morning sickness etc. It’s funny how much you appreciate feeling sick when it’s been taken away from you. Are you still getting extra appointments then with the virus going around? I really hope things calm down enough so I can have more frequent appointments 🤞🏼 Thanks again for replying it means so much to hear your baby’s story xx

@Robs20 so sorry for the late reply! Thank you for responding! That’s absolutely heartbreaking I’m so sorry for your loss. 😞 That’s amazing that they’re being so thorough with you! Have you heard of private clinics that will take a blood sample (from the mother) and test for like 600 different genetic conditions? I’m guessing the hospital have done the most important tests so it’s probably not necessary but it was suggested to me the other day and I didn’t want to not pass it on in case it did help. Unfortunately there was a silent infection in the placenta so there’s nothing they can do. Apparently if you have the infection the only thing they can do is to get the baby out 😞 I’m trying to stay positive though and Im eating as healthy as possible because that’s the only thing I can control at the moment. Thanks again for replying, I wish you and your baby all the luck in the world xxxx

Sorry mums to barge in like this. I haven't found any helpful threads.
I lost my first baby at 4 days old 2 months back. The post mortem is done and I have mixed feelings to go see her. If you had similar experience please help. Thanks.

@BabyAmmu hi, I’m so sorry I didn’t see this message. My daughter didn’t have a post mortem and sadly I watched her pass so I knew what to expect when I saw her on the day of her funeral and I was really glad that I saw her. I’m not sure if this message is too late now but if you choose to see your little girl just prepare yourself for the worst. Either way you don’t want to live with regrets. My cousin lost his little girl at 2 months old and he wished that he hadn’t seen her after the post mortem because she looked so different. It’s your decision what you do just think about it carefully ❤️ So sorry for your loss. I’m here if you want to talk to someone that’s not involved in any way xx

@BabyAmmu I think it is a very personal decision. I saw my daughter 4 days after she died, held her and read some stories. I need the closure and peaceful time together. However, after 2 months your baby will probably look quite different (we were told dd would look different after a couple of days) so I guess consider whether you want to see baby again, or if you would prefer to remember as she/ he was...