Do I need a spare bed?

[sophftm]

First time mum here, thinking about how to set up my house!
My spare bedroom is quite small but would fit a cot, chest of drawers and chair in it which I what I'm thinking I need for the baby.
I'm planning for them to sleep in our room for the first few months in a next to me crib, but I'm wondering how difficult it is to do this without having a spare bed for one of you to get some good sleep eg my husband!
Those who've had babies, do you manage to all sleep together or is it hard?
My husband works offshore so he's either at home and not working or away and I'm on my own, so at least he won't be needing to get up to go to work, and we do have a sofa.
Just wondering if I try to fit a single sofa bed into the nursery as well..

We’ve got two kids. Both of them were in with us for the first 6 months or so, in a next to me cot (initially attached to the bed then moved into the corner of the room as they got older). Husband slept in bed with me throughout. We have a spare room but never needed it. Since the kids have been in their own bedrooms we’ve never used the spare bed in the nursery (we have it as an extra bed for visitors - we bring youngest in with us in travel cot). So no, I don’t think you necessarily need a spare bed.

It’s nice to have but by no means essential. We had a spare bed but not always in useable state (no bedding, or covered in laundry) and we still survived! It’s nice to have somewhere to escape to for one party but you’ll manage without.

In my experience men find it very easy to sleep through babies whinging!

We've never slept separately other than the first week or so when one of us would generally sit with DS in the sitting room in shifts because he had no concept of day/night.

Brilliant, thanks everyone! He is not a light sleeper so I think we should be fine then.
That's what I wanted to hear so I can make the nursery really nice and not stress about space.
Any good recommendations for a chair in there for feeding etc?

I honestly never needed or wanted a feeding chair, id rather feed in the living room with family /the tv etc during the day and night feeds cuddled in bed...

If he isn't working whilst at home, surely he can help you out and not expect to have a spare room to go to?

I fed in bed or on the sofa

John Lewis do the most amazing feeding chair. It’s very expensive but my god it’s amazing. I’m never more comfortable than in that feeding chair, it’s bliss. BUT I would only recommend it downstairs during the day if you have enough space, you sort of want it over with at night and the less moving you have to do the better, as you moving wakes you up and makes it harder for you to go back to sleep. Changing stuff directly next to the cot, cot next to the bed so you just have to sit up and do everything without having to go get anything/go anywhere. I’d recommend every wake up a nappy change then a feed, gives them the best chance of drifting back off for a decent amount of time!

We both slept in the spare room after I gave birth, because I cared more about the (much newer) mattress and sheets in our bedroom than in there!

But other than that, we both shared every night. And my husband was still working. He got tired, but was fine.

Thanks all! I'm sure he'll help, just don't want us both being tired unnecessarily.
All good tips and advice, think you're right about the chair it's maybe just easier to feed in bed or in the lounge!
Just know when I'm holding babies it's always easier in an armchair to prop your arms on rather than on a sofa :)

we have two.. one in our room and one in nursery. DS sleeps on double bed in nursery and i start the night with DH and then when DS wakes i go and sleep with him (i am breastfeeding). this is my second so i've actually chosen this set up this time rather than winging it and trying to force my baby to sleep alone. this way means we all get a good nights sleep.

1. Feeding chair - I don’t think you need one. Like everyone else, I just fed in bed or on sofa - with cushions! But a comfy chair is worth getting for when they are in their own room as you spend more time in there than you would think, especially if they are a bad sleeper. And for story time etc. I say this as I am sat on a not v comfy which I have put up with for ages with a toddler asleep on me!

1. I wouldn’t waste your money on a second bed - the bad sleep won’t last forever. We did use it occasionally but that was primarily so DH could get some sleep before going to work. Weekends etc he had to put up with it!

My partner and I had DD then DS in the cot in the same room as us for the first six months of their lives.

Our DS now is in his own small room now. I do have a chair in there (Ikea job) which I sometimes use to feed him on before he goes to bed but for his night time feeds I have always sat in my bed to feed him because it's warmer and more comfortable for me. His room is very close to ours so he doesn't wake up when I transfer him across. He's almost 10 months (so can sleep on his front). I just put my hand on his back do a long shushhhhhh and he's gone (usually). My partner sleeps through all of it.

We absolutely love having a spare bed! I often sleep in the spare room when it's my lie in day so I don't have to deal with my husband disturbing me when he gets up with DS!

I had a gliding feeding chair and footstool with both my kids and plan to have another one this time, once they went into their own room i used it every bedtime for last feed and if they needed a feed in the night, i loved it, i would def recommend one but everyone is different and does things differently so do what you feel best.

Never used a feeding chair, always fed laying down in bed.
For the first few months OH stayed in the spare room, with a single bed in. (already had)
We didn't do DS nursery til he needed to go in it at 9 months!

In the end, OH came back into our bed as I missed him, and tbh u just get through the lack of sleep together.

I did use a spare bed and it was a bloody dream to be honest. Whoever's shift it was went in with baby (me mostly as I breastfed but he managed to do a shift a night) meaning the other could get some u disturbed sleep. Even if baby was quite just being in the room with them means you never really switched off- for me anyway.

I've set up a spare bed for the arrival of my second baby. Last time my DH was on the sofa loads. It was me who found feeding a baby in the night/ eating snacks/ going to the loo etc too much with dh next to me and I was stuck in the middle as had a co-sleeping cot. I also leaked milk a lot and got really sweaty at the beginning. It worked much better sleeping seperately and we both could relax. He used to come for cuddles n a chat n still helped with nappies. So this time I've set up the nursery as a spare bedroom for the first few months which is right next to my bedroom so at least dh is not downstairs. Works for us : )

Hi, maybe consider buying a Z Bed fold out mattress. Then it can just go in the corner when not needed.

Like this:
www.amazon.co.uk/Panana-Folding-Mattress-Sofabed-Chairbed/dp/B07Y4VQSY6/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?dchild=1&psc=1&swrs=D8B816561BB3353AF76F0A122DAACF01&keywords=fold+out+z+bed&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzMDBWMDM1WFpLUzNDJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMDQxODQ1MU5VNlBGSkJXNjRNVCZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwNDI1NzYzMlg1UEdXR0Q1TjNOWSZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1587246786&sr=8-2-spons

Sofa!

We absolutely needed a spare bed. Never planned it that way, but DS didn't adjust well to the cot once he outgrew his bedside crib so we ended up cosleeping. That was about 9 months ago now, so I'd imagine DH would have something to say if he'd been sleeping on our (not very large) sofa for all that time.

We do have a spare room so slept separately for the first 6 weeks so we could basically do shift work with our baby. Tbh the only time that we really spent in the baby room for the first 5-6 months was when we were changing him.

However, if I were in your position then I'd be more concerned about how I was going to cope when my husband was offshore. Mine also works in oil and did rotations (3 weeks on/off) and at the time we were young professionals so I wasn't too impacted. However if he'd have been still doing that when we had our baby then I'd have been in trouble without anyone to help and I also don't think he would be that happy about missing so much of his baby's life. I'm not sure when you're due, but even if you have family down the road at the moment even that's no use to you unless they move in! What's his company's parental leave policy? My husband's company have recently introduced very generous parental leave policies (12 weeks at full pay) so I'd imagine it'll become similar across the sector. I'd look into that and also if longer term he can be based offshore less, particularly whilst the baby is small because spending weeks on end with a baby alone is no fun. Mine is now one and I still try to go away/get help when he goes away with work for longer than a night or two.

Definitely going to be interesting with his work, he's a freelancer but works mainly for 1 company. However his work is really unpredictable and he goes with a couple of days notice quite often and I never know when he's coming home even to the week! If he gets enough work before August he should be able to have a bit of time off, but it's very up in the air as cant risk losing his place on his rotations and having no work! No guarantees he'll even be here when the baby comes although we will obviously try to aim for that. His company are good and know he wants August off so fingers crossed the timing works out and the baby comes near enough on time.
His family are literally 2 mins walk down the road so Im hoping the Covid situation is over by then, but either way they will definitely be involved and helpful. I could move in with them if I needed to.
It's all very unknown but I'm quite relaxed about it, plenty of people do manage on their own, not expecting it to be easy but no point worrying!
Just excited to have our baby really :)

That sounds tough. You have my sympathies. I hated the fact that even though mine had a date to come home, he would only be able to leave when his replacement arrived which during the winter it could add on an extra week or more in the North Sea so it was difficult to plan things. And I wasn't having something as important as a baby!

You sound like you've got a plan though so good luck with it!