Hi ladies (and gents?) I am looking for some advice, I’m not really sure where else to turn during isolation. If I phone friends and family to tell them how I feel, there is little they can do. And once they know what’s going on they will worry. So I thought I would turn to the lovely MN users for some guidance/advice.
I have been in a relationship with my partner for 5 years, and we have been trying for a baby for 3 years. We ended up having successful IVF in November and I am now 23 weeks pregnant. He was never a very supportive man, in fact he is not supportive at all! I went through ivf with the support of my mum alone, all he did was w*nk in a cup.
I have an anxious personality and throughout our relationship he’s shown little care for my tears, he rolls his eyes when I try to talk to him about my feelings and goes to a different room or goes into his daughters room to sleep if I try to talk to him in bed. His daughter lives 200 miles away but she has a room in our house for the little time she does spend with us.
He often says things to hurt me, and he often says things that makes my blood boil just because he’s not a very nice person. One example is we constantly argue about the Coronavirus, as my partner always believes what he reads on FB. He initially thought the Coronavirus was a government conspiracy by the western world to gain control of things like oil (he thinks Ebola was man made to kill Africans for diamonds), then he decided there was something in the 5G conspiracies, then he decided it was Chinese population control. I get frustrated with him because he is by no means a scientist or a doctor, he has no knowledge of how a virus works, he is always quick to believe everything that happens to him is the governments fault. Anyway I digress, last night was the last straw for me, the moment I realised we are not compatible. I cried for hours. He made a comment about the nurses at our local hospital not social distancing while they stood outside the hospital to receive their Thursday night clap from all the other emergence services. I said they don’t need to social distance from each other they work closely together all day! Annoyed, I then pulled him up on the fact that he doesn’t come outside to clap at 8 for the NHS, and his response was ‘why should I clap for them when they’re just doing they’re job?’. Even though I just knew that’s how he felt, to hear him say it was just heartbreaking. We do not have the same outlook on life. At all.
He is a good dad to his existing daughter, he works hard in his job and he did pay for half of the ivf which I wasn’t sure if he would. So he has his good points, and I worry that if I leave him I will be making a mistake. But I cry so much and I feel guilty that my baby girl in my tummy is feeling the effects of his evident dislike towards me.
It feels like he’s being horrible to me so that I’m the one that walks away and he has no blame?
When I confronted him about breaking up, he was only worried about the money he has put into our house and getting his money back (my parents gave us £22k to put towards a deposit for a house, he has paid slightly more towards the mortgage each month to slowly make up for that but he hasn’t really made much of a dent in that). Didn’t even care that I was suggesting breaking up while I was pregnant. Has anyone had something similar? What do you think I should do? Sorry for the essay!