My boyfriend doesn't want our baby. Is it right for me to keep it?

[AbbyMarie]

I have gotten the chance to travel abroad, where I met my boyfriend. He is a biologist who just graduated with his masters degree. He was told by a doctor during puberty that he was sterile, so we weren't expecting anything. Lo and behold, I am now 8 weeks pregnant! When I first told him, he looked at me and said "You know we can't keep it."

Over time he warmed up to it and yesterday told his mom and his coworkers. His mum offered us a large sum of money (somewhere around 20,000 euro) to buy a new apartment for the baby. She is very traditional (and nosey) so I told him not to take it. He was very upset with me, saying I was being illogical. Even when I explained why I felt the way I did, he didn't really care.

This morning, he says I am forcing him to keep the baby and he feels trapped. I told him I didn't want to make him feel this way - so I left and went home to my own apartment.

We are two educated adults with lots of life experience in our mid twenties and I feel like I am going crazy. Every time I convince him to be excited about the baby, the next day it evaporates.

Am I a horrible person to keep the baby?

And don't get married if you want control of your decisions, otherwise dp may be too influenced by his mother.

If you want to keep your baby, absolutely you are not unreasonable to do so.
If you don’t see yourself living in Romania until the baby is 18 - leave now.

You obviously want to keep the baby op and it’s your choice. As everyone else has said, do not even consider having it in Romania where you’re going to have less rights over your own child. Cut this family out of your life and bring the baby up back in America

I think if I’d been told I was sterile and then found out I wasn’t I’d be a bit too surprised to go straight to suggesting an abortion.

Was he not quite surprised?.

Just reiterating other comments - you decide if you want the baby but you need to accept that you might be doing it alone. I can't completely blame your BF for being all over the place if he genuinely thought he was sterile and is still young, without making these plans. And it sounds like you haven't been together that long.

But right now you need to think about yourself. And if you might have to raise this baby alone then you need to set things up to make that as easy as possible for you. For a start, I agree with others that you should go home to have the baby. That gives you more options. If things subsequently work out with you and the BF, you can always move back to Romania together.

At the very least, assuming it was a fairly casual relationship, you haven't gone through all those conversations and learning periods where you figure out if you think the same about important things like family and child rearing. Already, it appears you're likely to have different views on how to raise this child and he's likely to expect his mother to have a significant role which might not be something you're comfortable with. figure out at least some of this now before your options become more limited.

This is completely your decision, but you should make it on the assumption that he will not be involved with the baby. It doesn’t sound like he is ready or committed - that may change, but you can’t rely on that happening.

If you feel comfortable with the idea of being a single parent then you shouldn’t feel guilty about keeping the baby. But if you don’t think you could cope with that, you shouldn’t feel guilty about having an abortion. There is no right or wrong answer - on the thing that is right for you.

In your situation I wouldn't continue with the pregnancy and I would also not continue in this relationship unless you both move back to the states or somewhere neutral. You've had a glimpse of what his mother is like, don't ignore it!

You cant force him to be happy about the baby. You cant force him to want the baby. You cant force him to have a relationship with the baby once its born. You can however force him to pay for the baby.
If you think bringing a child into the world under these set of circumstances is fine, then crack on and dont expect to be raising this child as anything other than a single mum.
If however you feel that you are still young enough to move on, find someone who loves and cares about you and really wants to have a baby with you, then so the sensible thing of having a termination. It is a complete and utter myth that all women are scarred for life after terminating.
Good luck with your decision

Well you can't force him to get excited he sounds immature.
I can imagine if you do stay together and have the baby in x years down the line he will throw it at you how you "forced" him to become a dad.

Do you want the baby OP? it's your choice. It sounds like your partners reactions and behaviour are becoming a deal breaker.
In your shoes if I really wanted to have the baby regardless I would be looking at moving back to your home country ASAP.

You need to think about what you are going to be able to offer the child.

It's all very well saying I want this baby but anyone who reads the relationship boards will know how being brought up in toxic family environments results in screwed up people.

I have been in a similar situation at the age of 20 and ended up terminating.
My then bf didn't want it, his family didn't approve and mine were zero support. I had nothing to offer a child.

It doesn't sound like this is the right time for you but ultimately it's your decision, not his. But I echo what others have said about making sure you return to home soil if you go ahead with it.