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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnancy Guilt

27 replies

N12345625 · 17/04/2020 08:00

I am currently 11+5 days pregnant and feel so guilty for being pregnant. We conceived in February before the outbreak in the UK (but it was in China). I feel so guilty for getting pregnant and putting a strain on the NHS. I don't want to tell anyone I am pregnant (when we have the first scan) as I feel everyone will judge. Does anyone else feel like this?
Obviously it's not a great feeling as well as worrying about the general health of the baby and the coronavirus.

OP posts:
beelzeboob · 17/04/2020 08:05

It won’t be putting a strain on the nhs though? Midwives and labour wards etc aren’t redeployed to help with the pandemic. Services are continuing! Life carries on.
I’m a front line nhs worker and I’m pregnant too - 8 weeks. Do I feel guilty? Not a jot. Interestingly, as so few people are coming to the hospitals unless they have Covid, apart from in ITU the workload is down.

By the time we get to our due dates most of this will all be over.

Emerald89 · 17/04/2020 08:06

I feel the same. I’m a doctor and have had to step back from seeing patients right at the time when I’m needed most and I feel incredibly guilty about it.

Crackerscheesescabbyknees · 17/04/2020 08:07

YOU ARE NOT PUTTING A STRAIN ON THE NHS

Please, please, please give yourself a break.
No one predicted this happening! Maternity care is going through changes but it's largely unchanged. Thousands of woman are pregnant now. Some got pregnant before the pandemic, some are getting pregnant during.

None of them are doing anything wrong.

Are you otherwise happy about your pregnancy?

cupoftea84 · 17/04/2020 08:09

Congratulations on baby!

I'm in a similar position but not as far on.

Didn't think for a second it'd end up like it has in the UK/Europe.

But worried I'm going to need to keep justifying it and explaining baby was planned before it was a big deal here. On the other hand it's no ones business.

Midwife was lovely about it so no worries there. Family will hopefully be delighted rather than judgy. Friends not so sure hopefully happy and if not they can bugger off. Colleagues bothers me the most as I don't want to discuss my sex life and if baby was planned etc but will feel judged if I don't qualify.

Anyway as long as baby is fine who cares what they think.

Taddda · 17/04/2020 08:10

Interestingly, as so few people are coming to the hospitals unless they have Covid, apart from in ITU the workload is down.

I posted a thread about this- do you find it a bit concerning this is happening?

(Don't feel guilty Op, congratulations Flowers - I'm sure people will be really happy for you!)

heartonastring · 17/04/2020 08:12

I agree. I feel so sad that I'm bringing a baby into the world as it is at the moment. Definitely do not feel like celebrating.
I'm 15 weeks and have only told my mum.
I'm dreading telling work (bosses attitude is archaic.)
But, this baby will be loved and cared for and we will do the best we can.

Pinkbunny2811 · 17/04/2020 08:14

Dear OP, don't feel guilty! Congrats on your pregnancy!

To everyone else: please don't wait until after the pandemic to become pregnant. Maternity services are still running and no one needs an influx 9 months after the end of the pandemic. Keep it steady 😂

1990shopefulftm · 17/04/2020 08:16

I m 12 weeks and don't feel guilty at all as you say when you conceived it didn't seem so bad with covid. If people judge you for it they aren't worth bothering with.

beelzeboob · 17/04/2020 08:17

@taddda
Yes it is a bit concerning if I’m honest. Ok the broken fingernails, RTAs and sports injuries aren’t coming in but where are all the heart attacks and strokes?
I work in radiology as a radiographer and sonographer and nearly all x-Rays I’m taking in A&E are showing gross pathology. Same in ultrasound - there were too really big DVTs last week. The patients left it ages before coming to A&E because they were worried about covid. This is unusual - normally we see lots of normal. I think people aren’t coming in when they absolutely should be as they’re scared of getting Covid. But the hospital I’m in is so anal about separating covid from non covid, and cleaning everything, and yes we have enough PPE, then I expect you’re more likely to get it from a supermarket than the hospital.

But OP - please don’t feel guilty. Trust me, no one in healthcare would judge you.

Taddda · 17/04/2020 08:25

@beezleboob thanks for your reply (do you mind if I copy and paste this on the thread, don't want to hijack Op's!?)

SueSnell · 17/04/2020 08:29

Congratulations on your pregnancy. As PP have said, you mustn't feel guilty about putting any strain on the NHS! My two cents:

It's absolutely NOBODY'S business when you conceived and whether the baby was planned.

Anyone who 'judges you' is simply not the type of person you need in your life. Trying to understand or reason with them is a complete waste of time.

Please be kind to yourself, focus on what is important and try to enjoy your pregnancy 😘

Mucklowe · 17/04/2020 08:34

Life is stressful enough without looking for things to get worked up about!

MadameDePompadour · 17/04/2020 08:38

I agree wholeheartedly with what many people have said and it’s reassuring to see no judgement or criticism. However I too feel a bit weird and guilty about being pregnant. I’m just over 10 weeks and got pregnant Feb so in a similar position to you, OP. We haven’t told anyone yet and I’m really nervous about doing so - I’m worried it will be met with a lot of ‘why on earth did you get pregnant now?!’ Type comments which makes me really sad as it’s my first and I want family and friends to be positive and excited rather than judgement or worried for us. Can’t even think about the prospect of telling work and I’m sure there will be lots of comments there about it being a ‘lockdown baby’ even though it isn’t!
Had my booking appt and the poor midwife had to wear a horrible ill fitting face mask she was trying to be nice but clearly stressed and uncomfortable and that made me feel bad too. Lots of other posts I’ve seen on here have been very much about this being a terrible and selfish time to get Pg which is also upsetting to see.

It’s difficult, I’ve had lots of tears but have concluded only choice is to stay positive and focus on the good things - we are so lucky to be able to get pregnant and like so many women around the world who must get pregnant in challenging circumstances just do the best we can, but I do sympathies OP.

pasanda · 17/04/2020 08:39

I'm a midwife and in my ward it is sooooo quiet! Last shift when I left to go home there were only 8 women out of a potential 44 beds!! I know you're a long way off delivery but don't feel guilt at all

Taddda · 17/04/2020 08:45

This is so sad- congratulations on all of your pregnancies! Do not feel guilty one bit! It's something beautiful to look forward to at any time, no exception now- anyone who feels different can point their moans elsewhere!
Flowers

Lyris · 17/04/2020 08:45

Similar situation here, 9 weeks so conceived before lockdown when the world went mad. Never expected it at all as I had been told due to health conditions as my age it was likely not to happen for me. We had been trying (but not religiously because I didnt want the heartache of it not happening) for about 10 months.

Its noone elses business so I dont feel guilt. I am expecting a lot of comments and jokes when people know about me being that bored in lockdown I must have had a lot of sex etc. But honestly, noone knows what I was told last year and they can stick their judgement where the sun doesnt shine 😁

I also have the added issue that my brother and his wife have had their ivf cancelled due to all this so I do feel guilt about that because naturally it's a bit of a smack in the face to them. But not one I ever intended or can control.

It was just my time... and because my luck and my life likes to be funny.... it chose a global pandemic as my time 😂

Taddda · 17/04/2020 08:46

I'm a midwife and in my ward it is sooooo quiet! Last shift when I left to go home there were only 8 women out of a potential 44 beds!!

Where are they all!??

Original poster
N12345625 · 17/04/2020 09:12

Thank you so much for all of your posts and kind words.
I guess I just felt like everyone will judge and think I am being selfish being pregnant at such a difficult time. I feel guilty that I am contributing to midwives having to be at work as everyone has so much going on.
I am so happy and thankful I am pregnant, and I guess I should just concentrate on staying healthy.

OP posts:
Taddda · 17/04/2020 09:55

I am so happy and thankful I am pregnant, and I guess I should just concentrate on staying healthy.

Absolutely, plus looking forward to beautiful times ahead Flowers

GalaxyEggs · 17/04/2020 11:04

I feel exactly the same! 8 and a bit weeks.

We'd actually planned to wait another month or two and try April/May then we had some news that changed things a bit and my DH convinced me we should just have a go as it took over a year for DC1. I raised coronavirus but at that time it was being minimised and everyone said I was being paranoid! I feel like I shouldn't have been swayed, although I honestly didn't expect it to happen first time from one occasion (the day after my fertile window should have ended too, I know it's not an exact science)

I'm happy, it's a much wanted baby, I worry a bit about developmental problems if I catch or find I have had coronavirus, and I feel a bit embarrassed! Especially after all our talk about timing it right Blush

Original poster
N12345625 · 17/04/2020 11:34

@galaxyeggs congratulations!! It's sad isn't it that it is supposed to be such a fun time telling others that you are pregnant but now it's just worrying wondering what others think :(

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Original poster
N12345625 · 17/04/2020 11:35

@lyris I was the exact same!! Never ever expected it would turn out like this :( but everything happens for a reason, and we were meant to conceive when we did

OP posts:
Oldestchild90s · 17/04/2020 11:37

I'm pregnant and work for the NHS.. times are hard, people are horrible but it's nice to think positive.

I'm happy i'm pregnant, because after all of this (hopefully when it finally blows over) i'm going to have a beautiful baby 👶🏻

Enjoy it 🥰 and Congratulations!

zscaler · 17/04/2020 12:00

Congratulations OP, and don’t feel guilty! Maternity services are running as normal. You aren’t taking care from someone who needs it, and you’re as entitled to your pregnancy as anybody.

Original poster
N12345625 · 17/04/2020 12:41

@zscaler thank you for that, I guess you are right in that they are completely separate... I felt so bad when I had my first appointment with the midwife as I am taking up her time but I guess that is what she is there for. ♥️ Thank you for your congratulations.

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