Baby shower advice

[Chester6]

I've just found out my lovely friends are organising a little online lockdown baby shower for me for my first baby after a tough time getting pregnant. They suggested i put together a little Amazon gift list ranging in price for those that want to get gifts as they think some people will want to although they promised to stress it's completely optional and not expected. I'm torn as although it sounds lovely, I feel a bit uncomfortable and greedy having a list. What is normal please and should I do it or is bad form? Thank you

My friend did this when I had mine (that I organised and paid for before I get flamed!) and I was uncomfortable with giving a list of things. A few of my friends didn’t want to give me baby presents either, preferring to wait till the baby arrived, so maybe add some presents for you? Some bio oil and/or massage oil? Cowshed do a pregnancy massage oil which is available on Amazon. Maybe a couple of parenting books? All my friends who came bought a bag of nappies each and that was very handy when the time came!!!!

Thanks @killerqueen2244, that's really good advice x

I would never agree to this in a million years. Even if it's suggested by other people it's still vulgar to write a list of things that your friends are expected to buy you. Yuck yuck yuck.

You shouldn't have a list. But whoever is hosting should coordinate the gift giving a bit (so you don't get oodles of the same item). As showers are small gatherings of close family lay and friends, that coordination can easily be just when they're talking to each other, round robin email or I suppose a list, as long as that list comes from the host not the honouree. Lists are v useful for larger gatherings (like weddings) where direct coordination is so much harder.

Shower is short for 'shower with gifts' so the gifts are the whole point, and the party can be whatever host thinks honouree would like, from posh afternoon tea to raucous with games.

If no gifts, or gifts optional, than call the party something other than a shower. Because a shower is gifts shower, not a catch all term for a party held for someone during their pregnancy

that I organised and paid for before I get flamed

You do know that it's wrong (and grabby) to host your own shower?

How can you expect no adverse comment whilst stating you breached one of the very basic rules of a shower!?

Nice to do something, your friends will be missing you, especially as something so big is going on in your life.

@RoseAndRose I have just seen your comment about it being grabby for someone to host there own babyshower this is totally not true and as the person said they had paid for it clearly they didn't expect the guests to pay for them self's, I hosted my own banyshowers with both of my pregnancy however I paid for all food and drinks for everyone at the venue along with the games and prizes for the guest and a gift bag to take home and its optional if the guests choose to buy a gift and I can assure you it cost the host more to pay for all this stuff that it does for the guests to bring a small gift with them its not about the gift but a celebration of something big that is happening i the perosns life

I was asked to give a list as I was told it would make it easier for guests rather than getting duplicates of things - my friends organising were getting bombarded with messages from people asking what did we need, want, what sizes to get etc and they didn't want to get it wrong.

I made it very very clear on the blurb given with the list that this was more for OH and me to note what we needed to get and we had zero expectation of actually getting anything let alone, everything on said list.

My friends who organised my shower made it clear as well that they asked me to put the list together and by no means was anyone obligated to buy us anything. I also made sure 80% of what was on there was valued below £20.

I felt hugely uncomfortable about it but from speaking to everyone who was invited, they have all said it was super helpful to have as they didn't want to waste money on things we didn't need.

"not about the gift but a celebration of something big that is happening i the perosns life"

That's like inviting people to a SuperBowl party, then not putting the football on!

Celebrations of life's great moments do not have to be a shower. They can be a different type of party which is not a 'shower of gifts'. And if a party (not a shower party) then of course it's fine to host your own, which can be as baby-themed as you want

I’m a celebrate after the baby is born rather than before person but if you have one and are ‘showered’ with gifts, do people give gifts when the baby arrives as well?

My friends sooooo badly wanted me to do a registry for my baby but I like to be surprised and for a gift to come from the heart .

I didn't have a shower but we received gifts after baby was born which I liked better. I received so many sweet gifts that I absolutely loved !

I think you should do what you want as it’s your baby shower . But don’t feel like you are being greedy if you suggest gifts . People want to buy you gifts and a lot of people like suggestions. Plus it’s a baby shower so giving gifts is literally the whole point of it !