Pregnant again after stillborn

[TTClou]

My son was born 26th nov 2019 20 weeks early because I had a infection that was detected. Its only been 19 weeks and the pain is still unbearable. I miss my beautiful son, he was just over 5 ounces and perfect. My biggest tiny blessing.
I just found out I'm 5wks pregnant (unplanned but wanted) and i am so scared it's going to happen again. What's the chances of having a infection twice? I cant bare the thought of carrying to tiny urn to bed with me everynight

Undetected I meant

Hi OP. Sorry for your loss and congratulations! Did you have a debrief with an obstetrician after you lost your son? You may be able to request this from your hospital if not, which may help you to frame how uncommon this is and how unlikely it is to happen again. Were you looked after by a bereavement midwife and do you have her number still? She will be an invaluable support in helping you to navigate this pregnancy.
Wishing you the best

I refused a autopsy on my son as I found it to painful but they did test the placenta and found I had a infection which had got into the membranes. That's all I have been told, they have no other answer for me. I do have a bereavement midwife who has been amazing and I still have her number. I will call her. I'm terrified to say to say out loud I'm pregnant to someone incase something happens. For 5 weeks prior to losing my son I was bleesing, midwives at hospital constantly sent me home saying baby was fine and women just bleed sometimes. I feel they let my son down and now dont trust them. If they lied to me once and never helped my son how do I know they wont do it again.

I'm so sorry to hear about your son and am wishing you all the best for this pregnancy.

Do remember that you have a choice as to where you receive your care. Perhaps you would find it helpful to transfer to another hospital trust so that you can have a clean slate with them and see different midwives?

As squee123 says you can book elsewhere if you’d like a clean slate. I definitely think it’s worth speaking your bereavement midwife and verbalising exactly how you feel and what your worries are though. Usually after a baby loss there will be some level of investigation and discussion as the the circumstances of the loss and there may be more information she is able to give you. Or she may be able to raise a complaint if you were not happy with the care you received.