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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Don’t feel like I’m coping with my pregnancy...

11 replies

Pumpkin108 · 15/04/2020 11:10

Hi everyone, I’m 9+2 with my first and I’m finding things really tough. I have very mixed feelings about everything and keep oscillating between being happy to being depressed and anxious. I already suffered with anxiety and on/off depression before pregnancy and have struggled with various issues in the past such as anorexia. I also have a chronic bowel condition which makes life quite hard and I have no family support as lost my mum when I was 19 and dad is an alcoholic and have no siblings.

I just feel really overwhelmed and like I can’t go through with this. It all seems too hard and I feel especially isolated at the moment with the lockdown. I have feelings of hatred towards how my body will change and putting on weight, terrified of birth or the alternatives like caesarean and feel like I’m going to spend the next 7 months or so feeling low.

Has anyone else felt like this? I just feel guilty for feeling this way

OP posts:
SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 15/04/2020 11:19

Was this a planned pregnancy? What sort of support do you have from the father?

I would definitely start with looking into getting support for your anxiety/depression. Speak to a counsellor about your options, because you do have them.

Best of luck OP. Whatever happens, you can cope.

Pumpkin108 · 15/04/2020 11:20

Not really... we had vaguely started discussing starting a family but it happened very fast...first time coming off the pill. I’m married and dh is supportive.

Not sure counselling wouldn’t help. Already tried it loads in the past and right now would all be phone based which I don’t find helpful

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SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 15/04/2020 11:26

Its worth a try, surely? Better to do something than nothing, especially with a new life in the balance. Pregnancy anxiety is normal, but what you're describing sounds like more than that.

Pumpkin108 · 15/04/2020 11:30

Yes you’re right. Yes it’s worse than normal anxiety I think

OP posts:
SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 15/04/2020 11:37

I think its really important that you speak to someone about this before you make any choices about the future of the pregnancy.

I personally would fight tooth and nail for your right to decide what happens to your body, but i have personal experience of how depression and anxiety can impact your choices and decision making. You need to be sure that, whatever choice you make, it is your choice, and not a choice made for you by an episode of poor mental health.

Pumpkin108 · 15/04/2020 11:41

Thanks, yes I’m concerned that my poor mental health is overriding everything at the moment

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Amor88 · 20/04/2020 22:42

Hi i was feeling the same way I have BPD and finding out I was pregnant really triggered my mental health please please speak to your GP and explain how you are feeling Iv been put in antidepressants (low risk to pregnancy) and getting the help and advise And no judgment As I’m still unsure I want to go ahead with my pregnancy but my DH is over the moon so I’m struggling but getting help is really helping, hope everything goes well for you whatever you decide xx

Maggie272 · 20/04/2020 23:25

Hi love, yes i felt like this, for different reasons, but it was awful. As others have said here it would be best to get in touch, with your GP and a friend who might be able to help you talk things out. You have to do what's best for you, but hopefully with a clear head.

Hormones can play havoc with your thoughts so bear that in mind. I never found counselling very helpful through that time either, but it is definitely worth a try, as well as getting in touch with GP.

Hope you feel better tonight

IslayBrigid · 21/04/2020 09:55

Hi OP, sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time :( I can relate because in the first trimester I also suffered from very low mood and anxiety - it was worst around weeks 8-11 I think... from about week 12 it got better. First trimester is extremely tough on your body - you're not only growing an essentially complete mini baby but also a placenta. It's a huge strain and the hormones will wreak havoc for many.

I always suffered from quite bad PMS - low mood, emotional etc - so it made sense to me that during pregnancy I might also have similar or worse hormonal symptoms. Have faith it's your body doing its thing and that you will come through it - it almost definitely won't last the full pregnancy. But there are ways to cope even if the hormonal moods continue.

Counselling could help (personally I have never found the free NHS service good but have found private psychotherapists good) and there is also a free mental health service linked to pregnancy too. Talk to your midwife about it. Anything is better than nothing!

Mindfulness practices like meditation and exercise (even just walking, but prenatal yoga as well) can also really help. How is your appetite and nausea? Can you eat nutritiously? If not, don't worry, it will pass - I had vomiting and nausea till week 16 but now I feel amazing (week 21). Jut eat what you can and make sure you're eating something at least.

Talk to someone. A close friend can offer amazing perspective.

Nutrition and gut health can help with mood so invest in some good probiotics, eat some live yoghurt, plenty of fibre, omega 3 such as avocados and fish, eat veg if it doesn't make you barf, and lots of fruit.

I have had body image issues in the past so understand it can be a scary time when you have this hanging over you. Remember, you will lose the weight you gain, especially if you breastfeed. You also may not gain that much. I don't think I've gained anything yet aside from the obvious baby bump (don't have scales tho, but going off how I look and feel). Remind yourself that the changes your body goes through are temporary and giving life to your baby. It is an amazing thing.

Lastly if you are terrified of birth - I highly recommend two things. 1. The Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill (it's incredible, so informative, relatable, funny - I feel so much more confident) and the Positive Birth Company Hypnobirthing Course (again, so useful, really explains what happens during birth with your body and prepares you with amazing techniques to handle the process).

Good luck and happy to chat on DM if you like, I hope you feel better x

Pumpkin108 · 22/04/2020 11:11

@Amor88 thanks for you reply - was wondering if you’d mind sharing your experience with BPD as I actually think i may have it but never been diagnosed?

@Maggie272 thank you, I will try to speak to my go

@IslayBrigid thank you so much for all your advice and recommendations

OP posts:
Amor88 · 22/04/2020 12:18

It’s definitely worth specking to your gp if your worried you might have bpd, it took a long time for me to get a diagnosis, but once I got the help I needed it made a massive difference don’t get me wrong I still have episodes but I have learned a lot of coping strategy’s xx

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