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Original poster

20 week scan, did you find out the sex?

26 replies

Em260 · 14/04/2020 11:11

Having mixed feelings on this as have always thought we would wait till the birth to find out however, with the uncertainty of everything else going on at the moment am wondering whether it might be a nice distraction instead as currently at home not working.

As my husband will be missing out on the scan I thought it might be nice to get the sonographer to write it down and then we could both find out together once home so he feels involved in the scan still.

What are your thoughts? Did you find out or did you wait?

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Mucklowe · 14/04/2020 11:15

I have my 20-week scan on Thursday, and will find out if possible. We're Jewish, so if it's a boy we'll need some time to prepare for his bris.

NameChange30 · 14/04/2020 11:24

I found out both times because I'm impatient Grin Also because it makes shortlisting names easier.

When I was pregnant with DC1, the sonographer offered to guess at the 12 week scan, so we had an idea early on, and it was confirmed at the 20 week scan.

Now I'm pregnant with DC2, we definitely wanted to find out again, firstly so we could tell DS - it seems to have helped him a lot to know - and secondly so we can sort through his old clothes. Most we can keep as they are unisex, but as we're having a girl will we get rid of some of the more "boyish" clothes and buy a few girly bits Smile I think gendered baby clothes are silly but it gets harder to find unisex stuff the older they get.

We actually got a private scan at 16 weeks so we could find out - this was just before lockdown. In your case I like your idea to ask the sonographer to write it down for you and open the envelope together - I think that's what I would have done if we hadn't found out together at 16 weeks.

Good luck for your scan.

HettyStThomas · 14/04/2020 11:30

I didn't for DC1 and one of my fondest memories from the birth was DH announcing the baby's sex. For DC2 we were struggling to shortlist names and we thought finding out would help. It didn't, I was 13 days over due and we still couldn't find 'the' name until after their birth. If I ever had a DC3 I would keep it a surprise.

May2311 · 14/04/2020 11:41

We decided to find out because I liked the idea of getting the nursery and clothes all sorted in not just neutral colours and we love being able to refer to "her" and not "it". My other concern was I wanted to enjoy finding out and my worry was if it was a hard/tiring labour I wouldn't be able to enjoy the moment too much as I would just be relieved baby arrived 😂😂

It is personal preference though I think it just depends on the couple what is best for them! Xxxxx

Umnoway · 14/04/2020 11:44

We chose not to find out this time. It’s our last baby so we wanted the element of surprise and guessing has been quite fun for our older DC.

Oldestchild90s · 14/04/2020 11:52

We found out, in fact we had a private scan at 17 weeks to find out, and fortunately we did it that way as it was just before the lock down so we both found out together. She's our first so we were desperate and too excited!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 14/04/2020 11:55

We found out with DD and have found out this time. It’s still a surprise whether you find out now or at the birth. It definitely helped to be able to tell DD she’d be having a sister.

blackcat86 · 14/04/2020 11:56

I found out due to excitement, wanting to bond with baby (not that you cant still bond but I found info really helped me connect with baby), and practicalities. Both sets of GPs were desperate to start buying things so I thought it was better to get the right stuff rather than people having guesses about baby. I had a private scan at 16 weeks and it was great.

erised · 14/04/2020 12:01

I asked at my 20 week scan as I'm impatient and wanted to put a name to my baby. Don't really understand the whole "keep it as a surprise" thing because isn't it the same surprise either way?

MichelleOR84 · 14/04/2020 12:08

I wanted to find out but my husband didn’t want to. We argued a bit about it and in the end I just gave in and agreed we would wait to find out the gender 😔

At my 20 week scan my husband changed his mind and wanted to know and I was like NOPE! I had mentally prepared for the surprise at birth . He got so annoyed at me but we are both glad we waited . When I was pushing it was motivation . It was fun to find out at the end of an exhausting labour.

I'm pregnant again and we are not finding out again .

sel2223 · 14/04/2020 12:16

I was always adament that I wouldn't find out but then, when I actually fell pregnant myself, I was just too impatient!

OH was desperate to find out and it made a difference to what we needed to buy as I have nieces so lots of second hand girls clothes and blankets etc available but would have had to buy more new if it had been a boy, if you know what I mean.

I'm nearly 23 weeks now and we have a name picked out and I really feel like it's helped us both bond with her. Not that we wouldn't have bonded anyway but just trying to imagine her and what she will be like makes it seem more real.

MichelleOR84 · 14/04/2020 12:16

@erised It kept me motivated and wondering all pregnancy. It was fun .

Not everyone is the same though . I see a lot of “ I don’t understand why” comments about those who wait or for those who find out early . Different strokes for different folks !!!!

Chirpychirpy3 · 14/04/2020 12:21

We didn’t find out as wanted the surprise at birth. I was convinced I was having a boy so when I looked down and saw it was a girl it was amazing and something I won’t ever forget. There are few surprises in life and I’m glad we didn’t find out.

MinorArcana · 14/04/2020 12:29

We found out for 2 of the 3 DC at the 20 week scan.

With the other one, at the 20 week scan he was positioned in such a way that it was impossible for the sonographer to see his genitals. They tried looking from a variety of angles but no luck. And checking the baby’s sex isn’t an essential part of the 20 week scan, so we wouldn’t have got an extra scan just because they couldn’t see the baby’s sex.
We weren’t curious enough about the sex to pay for a private scan, so we ended up waiting.

Aly92 · 14/04/2020 12:29

I’m too impatient not to know lol. Does anyone know are private scans still open. Really hoping to book in my 8 week one

MichelleOR84 · 14/04/2020 12:35

@aly92

Yup , private scans are still open . I know with Window to Womb they are only doing medical checks so no gender reveals . However I was also told no pictures were available either and they printed off pics for me . I’m sure they would tell you the gender if you asked .

yatapina · 14/04/2020 12:36

No.

Our trust dont tell you the sex as they've had trouble from idiots people when they've got it wrong before. They also have notices reminding parents that the 20 week scan is to determine the health of your baby, not what genitals they have.

With #1 i would have liked to but in the end was happy to wait and did the same with #2.

I was never worried about bonding or buying "neutral" though as we just bought things in colours/designs that we liked rather than gender specific.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 14/04/2020 12:36

I had a private scan the weekend before last. Google the ones around you and see what they say.

Areallthenamestaken · 14/04/2020 12:42

I was adamant I wouldn't find out and my husband was happy to wait. Then the week before my 20 week scan I had a serious car crash and was terrified baby was gone. I just really felt like I needed to know who was in there so I had more of an idea of who they were if I was going to lose them.

We had an emergency scan to check on baby's health (all fine!) and found out the gender the week after and it's been really nice knowing. We've not told anyone else so it's a surprise for them.

amazedmummy · 14/04/2020 12:46

I thoroughly disliked being pregnant so we found out so I could have a happy thing to hold on to. It also helped me to bond with DS as that was something I found difficult before he was born.

ParkheadParadise · 14/04/2020 12:48

With dd1 they didn't tell you at your scans 20+ years ago.

Dd2 I was referred to the hospital for a scan. I didn't know I was pregnant. The shock of seeing a baby was enough for us never thought to ask if it was a boy/girl.
DH told me when dd2 was born.

DesiDiva2020 · 14/04/2020 12:50

I didn't find out, I enjoyed the anticipation for longer and of course I didn't care what I had. I enjoyed being in labour wondering what I was going to have and if our silly guesses had been correct. I preferred the 'surprise' at the end of labour and at the end of 9 months rather than in a sonigraphers room.
I also had a silly belief that it was my 'reward' at the end of labour. Each to their own but I'm so glad personally that I waited and I'd wait for any further pregnancies too

ChipsAreLife · 14/04/2020 13:01

I didn't find out first two times and won't this time.

DH told me both times and I thought that was lovely. As I goy to experience so many things first was nice for him to know.

Saved me a fortune buying loads too and I've been able to reuse everything.

Also I know two people who were told the wrong sex 😬

But find out if you want to find out! Everyone is different and there is no right or wrong, I just would rather wait!

Colouringinbook · 14/04/2020 13:12

We found out last time and will do again this time. I don't like saying "it" or "baby", I'd rather say he or she once we know.

schafernaker · 14/04/2020 14:01

As others have said we didn’t find out for either and it’s saved us a fortune. We bought lots of neutral stuff for DC1 that will now be used for DC2.

On the other hand DHs sister has found our both times and for DD bought everything pink, now she’s having a DS she is off out again buying all blue things 🙄

We had a really rocky pregnancy with DC1 so it was nice at the end to have a good surprise! Even if she was a 33 weeker rushed off to NICU ❤️