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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Second baby

10 replies

Emmag2705 · 14/04/2020 07:56

I have a 4 month old baby and I've just found out I'm about 4 weeks pregnant, my ex partner doesn't want any involvement and has told me to have a abortion! I really don't no what to do?

OP posts:
Bienentrinkwasser · 14/04/2020 08:02

It’s completely up to you. Do you feel you are able to parent two children who are very close in age? It will be very difficult as a single mum but certainly not impossible. Have you got good family support? How would this affect you financially?

yukka · 14/04/2020 08:29

What's your support network like? How would you manage financially? Is ex p involved in the 4 month olds life?

You need to think practically herd before you think emotionally. I assume your break is quite new if your just 4 weeks pregnant.

Emmag2705 · 14/04/2020 08:43

I have a good mum and family support and yes we split 2 weeks ago he has had nothing to do with either of us since, we split as he cheated on me, I'm not to bad financially but he's trying to rush me into a abortion and I just don't no I only found out 2 days ago

OP posts:
yukka · 14/04/2020 09:19

Gosh what an emotional time for you. Firstly you've done the right thing if he cheated on you, you don't need that in your life.

He is also no doubt full of emotion of some sort and might not have thought clearly about wanting time with his children, but, his immediate actions show you can't depend or rely on him.

It's not his choice for you to have a termination or not, it's yours. I assume you'll be contacting css for child maintenance etc.

Don't make a rush decision, you've got a little time. Make an appointment with your gp so you can start conversations either way, think practically about what needs to happen either way.

With a 4 month old it means you'll have a new born and a one year old if you go ahead.

Pros -
you've likely got all the expensive baby stuff you need
Siblings close together will play together (we'd call them Irish twins as they'd be so close in age)

Cons
You are alone - it will be serious hard work. You'd need available time from someone to help you regularly.
Childcare - do you work? Can you afford two babies in childcare at the same time?
You ex p will probably be a complete twat through all of this.
Cost - everything you then need for two babies, double peaks etc and in life, with only 8 months between them you won't get far on hand me downs.

Practical - do you have enough room where you live, your car - 2 seats and a double peak?

Perhaps continue this list yourself and see where you get to.

Personally - I have a 9 month old. At 4 months old I was ready to do it again, I was so in love and felt amazing. But at 9 months, she's a different kettle of fish and there are hard days now. I personally couldn't do this 6 months pregnant and can't imagine baby 2 when she would be only 1. It would be very very demanding. I don't think I would cope very well.

What is your gut instinct saying at the moment?

yukka · 14/04/2020 09:21

Double peak = double pram

Flower1309 · 14/04/2020 09:30

If you want to keep it then keep it. Don't do what he wants if it's not what you want it's your body. If he didn't want a baby he should of wore a condom. Bet he didn't use a condom with the women he cheated on you with either. You've said you have a support network and your financialy stable. If you want this baby then please don't get an abortion. Make sure you get maintenance of him too. Sod him.

Emmag2705 · 14/04/2020 10:05

His recent actions have shown me what he is truly like, I don't think I want a abortion I no it would be extremely hard on my own but I think I would manage, the only concern I have is him giving me crap through the whole pregnancy and once the baby's born. He has said he won't give me no support at all and I think his family are going to start with giving me rubbish as they think the sun shines out his arse!

OP posts:
Bienentrinkwasser · 14/04/2020 10:24

Just cut all contact now and stick to it.

yukka · 14/04/2020 10:59

Then yes I agree - cut contact and start the process for child maintenance for 4 month old anyway.

You can totally do it if you want to but do it with your eyes wide open.

Emmag2705 · 14/04/2020 12:59

Thank you everyone I'm going to go for maintenance and cut off contact now as he has repeatedly said he doesn't want it so I need time to think things through without him giving me grief

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