How do I tell a childless friend I'm pregnant?

[PinkMartini]

I know there have been threads on this before but I must be searching wrong.

I have a friend who's 20 yrs older than me (approching 50) and who dotes on her nephew/nieces but life has been such that she doesn't have kids of her own.

She's ploughed a fair bit of her energy into working and so has a lovely life to the outsider but I know she'd prefer to have kids and a stable home life instead.

I saw her earlier in the week and she made a funny remark about finding it difficult to relate to people with children which made me reluctant to tell her. I just didn't know how to. I know that it's more to do with an insecurity on her part.

I am thinking of dropping her an email (we do email a far bit) to say how nice it was to see her and that I was sorry I didn't have the chance to tell her in person.

I thought it would give her the chance to react in private.

What do you think?

she'd be more upset if you didn't tell her.

I would phone her and tell her. An email seems too impersonal for such big news.

I had a friend who was in a similar situation as your friend and I remember her being mighty p*ssed off and upset that people felt they couldn't tell her they were pg. I'd phone her, if I were you.

I would tell her face to face. This isn't quite the same situaion but about 2 weeks after I m/c'd a friend wrote on her facebook page she was pregnant and seeing it in writing really hurt, it would have hurt less face to face.

BTW, have we had the 'I'm pregnant' thread yet? If not, congratulations!

Don't email her. Phone her and tell her, in a quick phone call, just say you realise this might be difficult for her to hear but you really wanted to let her know, you are x weeks pregnant.
End the conversation quickly, arrange to meet her or speak soon afterwards, but leave her to react in private as you said, beforehand.
I had to do this fairly recently and I think phoning first was the right thing. Similarly I have been on the receiving end of the conversation and preferred short phone call so I could weep and wail or whatever in private and then be (genuinely) happy for person later.

I had to do that with a friend who failed her third IVF cycle just two weeks previously (and me being pg twice in a split second).
I thought it was better to tell her in person and asap. before she get to know it from someone else.
she thought the same.

I had to tell a friend of mine recently, i kept putting it off untill i was over 20 weeks. I would call your friend or tell her face to face if you can.

Its a tricky one, but she would probably be more upset if you told her via e.mail. Be prepared for tears though.

TeaDr1nker

Don't think you should email her.

Just want to say, don't expect her to 'get over it' and be pleased with you, initially anyway.

I think you should phone her. She will still be able to react in (semi) private (without you seeing at least).

If she is really sad, she'll be able to hold it together for a brief phone call and then if she is upset, she can do that in private, immediately.

Even though you email alot, I think it would be wrong to tell her this via email. If she's in a really bad way about it, she'll have to see it in black and white and then decide whether to delete the email etc etc, plus it is very impersonal.

allowing her to react in private is a good idea - what about a letter rather than an email (which she might get in the office). i got a letter from a friend when i was mournful about never being a mother (tho i later became one), when she got pregnant with her 2nd child, and i was able to do my thinking in private. V sensitive of you to think about it.

I agree with everyone else. Phone her when she will have time in private to grieve if she needs to. When we were having problems, it was very difficult finding out, but we coped (well, let's face it - we had to!).
It's lovely that you're concerned about her, by the way, and congratulations on the pregnancy.

Def not an email. Ring her or tell her in person.

I wouldn't say it might be difficult for her to hear. That comes across as very patronising.
Congrats by the way!

Don't email. SIL did that to me when I'd been ttcing for 4 years (unexplained infertility). It hurt so much. I think her motives were different though; she had no idea that we had ttc problems, and she was just too embarrassed to say anything face to face.

With her dc 3 she told me in person (we were still ttcing), and, although it hurt, it was easier to deal with. I could see her excitement and that made it better somehow.

You need to do it by actually talking. NOT email.

And I agree you should just tell her. Don't assume you know what her reaction will be - and certainyl don't imply to her that you do.

if she is approaching 50 she must have dealt with this plenty and gone to some kind of accomadation with her lack of children. Saying she found it diffiuclt to relate to people who had childrne is not that funny a remark - its about lifestyle and priorities.

I agree you should just tell her in person and be very straightforward about it.

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