Help with unplanned pregnancy

[Sda06]

Sda06

Could be a long one so sorry in advance!

For a bit of background I've recently turned 26, my partner is soon to be 25 and we have been together for just under a year. We currently don't live together (this was however on the cards and due to coronavirus we are currently living together temporarily).

I found out about 3 weeks ago that I'm pregnant and it has been one hell of a rollercoaster since. Initially I think my partner and I were both in agreement that this perhaps wasn't the right time and I ended up calling my doctor and going to the hospital last week to talk through options and find out how far along I was. They told me I was 8 weeks 3 days (I'm now 9 weeks 1 day and due around 15th November) and whilst I was there I also spoke to a counsellor who was wonderful. Ever since then I've just known that I can't bear the idea of terminating the pregnancy however whilst my partner is trying to be as supportive as possible he's still quite against the decision to continue.

I don't blame him for this and I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea of parenting alone if ultimately it becomes too much for him. The optimist in me likes to think this will won't happen but I suppose it's sensible to prepare for either scenario.

I'm lucky in that I have an incredible Mum (she lives about an hours drive from me) and very supportive friends. I am not entirely financially ready but I have a steady job with a good maternity scheme so I'm really trying to count my blessings. But I just feel so anxious and I'm finding it very hard to cope at the moment, particularly with the lockdown as I still feel quite alone.

My partner is obviously struggling to wrap his head around this all and isn't really able to talk about the pregnancy or baby because he doesn't really feel much joy about it which has been difficult for me. I'm trying to read up on pregnancy information but more often than not it scares me and adds to my anxiety.

I'm anxious about my relationship failing, I'm anxious about the birth, I'm anxious about eating the right things, I'm anxious about money, I'm anxious about the idea of doing this alone, I'm anxious about people judging me, I'm anxious about not being good enough for my baby and it's just so overwhelming at a time when I should be feeling so much more happy because I do know how blessed I am to even be pregnant. It's just not at all how I thought my first pregnancy would go!

I feel incredibly protective of this little being but it's his very hard at the moment and I wondered if anyone has gone through similar?

Any support is truly appreciated.

Our first child was unplanned literally just bought a house and got married and decided to wait at least 5 years before having kids but little did I know I was already pregnant. We had no money, I was only 21 and my work didn’t offer any extra maternity pay (this was a few years ago so you only got 6 months off). But it really was the best thing we ever did. It was the making of us. It’s gone so quick and you just manage. Of course things have to change, we didn’t go on fancy holidays etc. I ended up working weekends and my husband worked mon-fri so we didn’t need childcare. He is now 17 and doing Alevels and I’m sad he’ll be going to uni in 18 months. Sometimes the best things are the ones we don’t plan. Good luck with whatever decision you make x

Didn't want to read and run. Just wanted to let you know I went through a very similar rollercoaster with my first child 4 years ago. It's your body, so it is completely your choice and everything you are feeling is completely normal. All I can say is that if you do choose to go ahead, you will be in awe of what you are capable of. It sounds like you already have a great start to bringing a child into the world (support network, job etc). It's never a "perfect" time for anyone. Anyway, all the other stuff often has a funny way of falling into place. If you feel you can, talk to your mum too.

Not sure if it helps but my partner and I worked it out after many many emotional discussions. It was hard as it wasn't the "right" time for us either but I knew I couldn't go through with a termination in the end. Luckily, my partner came round to the idea. We had our daughter and it was the best thing either one of us has ever done as well as the scariest. We have just welcomed our second child so I clearly wasn't that put off

Obviously, only you know what is right for you and your situation of course.

Wishing you the best of luck.

I was/am in the exact same position as you. I am now just about 12 weeks and have my first scan later on today. I’ve been with my partner even less time than you also.

Initially he was very against it (he is 4 years younger than me) and I had a very hard time with anxiety for about 3 weeks, but I also knew I was keeping my baby regardless of the situation I found myself in.

After many tearful heartbreaking conversations with him I ultimately told him almost exactly this “It was your decision to have sex unprotected however it is no longer your decision on what I choose to do, this is my body and my baby and I am keeping him/her. So the only decision you have to make now is if you’re going to stick around or not”

Looking back it sounds a bit brutal and I could tell it hit him hard. After a few days of him allowing it to sink in, he started to warm to the idea (I know he is very much in love with me, as I am with him but I had to do what I felt was right). All this happened when I found out at around 5 weeks, and I kid you not he is now so excited for us to start our little family. I think some men maybe just need more time to wrap their heads around the idea.

I also have a very supportive family so I know I was doing this with or without him, I am just very lucky that he’s come around to it but keep in mind it did take some time for him.

Sometimes in life you’ve got to put yourself first and do what YOU feel is right for YOUR life regardless of what anyone else says/feels/does. It’s you that has to live with the results of your decision at the end of the day, whatever you choose to do.

Good Luck and I wish you all the best.

Hey I'm in a similar situation, expect I know that I'm going to be doing this on my own. I'm around 10 weeks, the father is 5years younger then me and we are not together. He also lives on the other side of the country. He didn't want me to keep the baby which I found understandable, I myself wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I even booked a termination but after giving my self some time to think I knew I was going to keep the baby. I basically told the father that its up to him what kind of father he wants to be but I've made my choice.

I would say make whatever choice is best for you and your baby. Because at the end of the day it's you that will have to live with it.

I can't really give any good advice because I'm new to all this myself. Best of luck 🙂

Same situation. I've had my baby and am a single mother. We are a happy little family. I was very tired during the newborn phase, but it doesnt last forever, and I coped.

Thanks so much everyone, it makes me feel a lot better knowing that I'm not alone in this. I am really hoping that my partner will come around to the idea as I would love to be able to do this together but I feel like it's not the end of the world if I do this alone, as long as my baby is loved and cared for.

I do understand his objections especially in terms of us not being together that long and being able to afford everything the baby will need but none of that feels like a good enough reason for me to go through with a termination if that makes sense?

There are ways of doing things cheaply. Charity shops and primark for clothes, really hunting on amazon, reusable nappies, breastfeeding if you're able to, moses basket. What babies need most is attention, love, and care. Not jazzy toys, or the latest overpriced baby bouncer. A youtube tutorial and superdrug basics coconut oil works just as well for a baby massage as a ten pound a session class.
Everyone who earns under 50 grand gets child benefit. Single parents can be paid weekly if they choose.
If you've under 16 grand in savings you can apply for financial help towards childcare once you're ready to go back to work. The charity gingerbread will have more information.