I don't feel an attachment or love for my unborn baby

[anonmum13]

It hit me this evening after going through my social media and seeing mums-to-be posting photos and videos saying how much they love their unborn babies and I hate to say that I don't feel that. I know I'm probably an awful person. This baby was unplanned and my husband struggled to accept that it was happening (did discuss abortion but I couldn't do it) but we managed to get to a place where we're content that we're going to be parents.

I just don't feel that overwhelming love for her, I don't wish any harm on my baby and I'm happy she's safe in there and it makes me happy when she moves etc but I just don't feel that attachment, I guess it doesn't even seem that real either? I feel very indifferent towards my pregnancy. I've had mums ask me "Isn't it crazy how much you love her already? Do you feel that maternal instinct kicking in?" and I just agree but on the inside I'm like "Um, no...? I don't feel that".

I guess with all that's happening right now too I'm finding it hard to look forward to her being here because I don't know how everything is going to work out. I haven't really had the chance to enjoy my pregnancy.

Has anyone felt this way at all?

I actually think this is such a refreshing post! I think as a previous poster has stated, if it wasn’t for the OTT posts on social media you wouldn’t have questioned it at all, some people live their lives for social media and I often think they’re the ones trying to convince themselves! I was the least stereotypical “pregnant” person ever, I carried on life completely as normal and didn’t really acknowledge my pregnancy most days, I didn’t feel I needed to. I couldn’t bare any fuss and in turn my pregnancy whizzed by and I felt completely normal, once she arrived, I loved her, it will come, just don’t overthink it

Don't worry too much about this, you will love and bond with your baby, sometimes giving birth is a shock to the system and then you have a crying pooping little being demanding all of your time and energy, but you will and do love your baby...Think about it like this, if you knew someone was on their way to kidnap your child, would you run? If you saw your baby about to fall off the edge of your bed, would you stop the baby from falling? These are all instincts driven by love, don't let people make you think that love has to be the way they interpret it x

Yep I felt like this. Wanted baby to be safe & ok, but that was it. I couldn’t get how you could love someone you hadn’t met and didn’t know. It all just seemed too abstract. DD is nearly 3 now and needless to say I have and have had no issues loving or connecting with her. She’s the absolute light of my life.

Am 20 weeks pregnant now and feel the same as last time. I forget I’m pregnant most of the time!

Social media has a lot to answer for.

Just wanted to say OP that I am in exactly the same boat as you at the moment..

Reading all these posts has really boosted me, I honestly thought that there’s something not right with me for feeling like I don’t really love my unborn baby.

I can’t even talk to my partner about it yet (I’m 11 weeks) I have spoken to my midwife about how I feel at my booking in appointment and she has referred me to Perinatal (I do have other mental health problems so need some extra support).

I am just taking everyday as it comes, some days are easier than others. I am petrified how I will feel when I actually have a visible bump and people start talking to me about ‘how exciting it must be’ I just don’t personally feel excited yet..

One thing the perinatal nurse said to me that stuck was ‘there are so many women who feel like you but society doesn’t let you see that side of things, it’s perfectly normal to feel how you do’

Totally normal. I didn't feel anything for my first two for a few years until they were older and starting showing love themselves.

Ive heard a few mums unable to bond with baby in the womb. I had moments like this where i was more scared than anything.

Dont be hard on yourself for not feelijg that way, most people fall in love as soon as they see baby, but, also dont be hard on yourself if you dont feel this instantly either.

Putting pressure on yourself to feel a certain way or be like other mothers will only stress the situation more, do you, try not to compare yourself to others as no two parents are identical nor babies.

I am certain at somr point you will look in the eyes of DC and fall in love and know that it was meant to be.

Hang in there, pregnancy is a tough, emotional ride, especially if you werent planning on doing it.

Day 3 post partum is the most emotional time ive ever felt, lots of crying (its when milk comes in whether you plan on breastfeeding or not) so try have some support during that time.

Best of luck with everything, you got this mama

Don't worry my son was planned and I hated my pregnancy, but I loved my son but was never that overwhelming but as soon as he was here then that rush off love came.

Don't worry! I was same, didn't even bond or feel anything until baby was 6 months either! Now I'm overwhelmed with love. X

Thank you so much everyone, all your comments have made me feel much better

I’m glad it’s made you feel better OP and @Luckyme30.

DS is almost 3 and I would do (almost) anything for him. I’m 12w pregnant and though it blows my mind that there’s another heart beating away inside me, I don’t love it yet. I’m sure I will once it’s born and we can properly meet.

I didn't fall in love until I got to know my baby and she was able to smile back at me, about six weeks in. It takes time for real love.