Partner won't stop smoking

[Zlong94]

So... My partner has smoked since he was 13 he's now 25.. I'm 13 weeks pregnant and can't stand the smell or thought of it, I have asked him to stop smoking but if he has too then to go outside and spray when he does have one but he gets pissed off with me about it.... The smell makes me feel so sick and ill!! His dad smokes and cannot breath he constantly coughs even during the night and i can see that my partner is starting to do the same... He is wheezing and now has an inhaler as has been diagnosed with having asthma which I myself also have but have to take steroids.... I just want him to stop, I can't hug him as he smells of it and I'm getting so upset about it all but he has said that he is not quiting and I just feel like giving up 😪 when our child is here I can't have him around him or her with smoke on his clothes etc I know the effects of that as have worked on a children's ward for 6yrs.

Just don't know what to do... Any advice 😪
Xx

My husband used to smoke and I wanted him to stop for so long. Eventually (and thankfully) he did but it was his own decision to quit. Unfortunately, you can’t do anything to make him quit, he has to come to the decision himself.

Maybe you could tell him all the ways that his smoking could be affecting you and your baby. Passive smoking can really effect a baby’s development and even if he goes outside for a cigarette, you still breathe in the toxins for about 30 mins after from his clothes. I also think the advice is now that once you have your baby, people who smoke shouldn’t hold the baby for at least 30 minutes after the last cigarette so he’d really be reducing the time he could spend bonding with his baby as well. You could just let him know all of this and hope he comes to the decision on his own.

If he does decide to quit then I’d recommenced Allen Carr’s book, The Easy Way To Stop Smoking (I think that’s what it’s called). My husband read that book and it really helped him.

Sit him down with some information on why smoking is bad for babies and children and basically everything but concrete on the child. Print off information on how to quit and get him some patches/gum and say you'll be with him 100%.

My mum smoked when i was a kid, and i hated it. I hated the smell, i hated the smell of her and anyways wanted to quit. She coughed a lot too. It out a huge edge in our relationship.

I don't understand why anyone would choose a stinking cigarette over the health of their child. But then smoking would have been a determining factor in any relationship, obviously not for you until the pregnancy.

I'm not sure what you'll do if he says he won't give up still. Maybe you could impose some incredibly annoying rules as in he can only smoke at the back of the garden, rain snow or hail and must completely change clothes and brush his teeth, wash his hands, before even touching the child. That might become old very quickly!

I think it’s a shame that he wouldn’t think to put his wife and child first over a harmful habit. Second hand smoke is real but if not for you he should take precautions for his baby. Let him ruin his whole health it if it was me no way would he be affecting mine and my baby’s. Make sure he smokes outside and open the windows and make him wash his hands when he comes back in. Don’t let him smoke around you. You might not be able to stop him but you can still create boundaries . Good luck!

He won't give up unless he wants to. Telling him the harmful effects won't make any difference - every single smoker is already aware of these; they're just choosing to ignore them.

Impose, and stick to, stringent rules around smoking. He never smokes in the house (obviously) or anywhere around you, and the baby when it comes, where you can smell it. So no smoking in the garden, or outside the house where it wafts in. If he has a cigarette, and you can smell it when he comes in, he has to shower immediately, change his clothes and wash them. Make it really, really difficult to continue both his habit and his relationship. You'll also be protecting your baby.

Wondering why you'd have a baby with a smoker if you are bothered that much. Give him Allen Carr but really if he's not ready to give no amount of threats or you lecturing him about his health will not work. It's NOT how addiction works.

My partner smokes, not in the house.
I'm pregnant with baby #4, when they are babys he has to wash his hands, take the jacket off he smoked in and wait 20 mins before holding them.

I would send him some links to the lullaby trust that explain the links between SIDS and a parent that smokes.