Pregnant 10 months after we lost our boy to Edward’s Syndrome

[Debbie1989]

Bit early but we just found out yesterday that I am pregnant again, not due my period until Monday but I knew from the way I had been feeling the last week. This is our first month of trying again and I don’t know if I was expecting it to happen so quickly and has mixed emotions yesterday.

We lost our boy Ethan 9 and a half months ago he was diagnosed with Edward’s Syndrome at our 20 week scan so the remaining 20 weeks we spent researching and planning for a baby that we most likely couldn’t take home. I carried him 40 weeks and 6 days and was induced. He was born the 25th June and when he was born they told me he was already gone. They put him on my chest and within a few seconds he began to breathe and opened his eyes to look up at me. A few minutes later he passed away. The following months were horrific but we worked through it all as a couple have been going to support groups, talking and working through it as best we can. We will never ever forget him, we have two other children aged 6 and 4 so it has been difficult on them, we told them as soon as we found out so that we could prepare them for what was going to happen. They talk about him everyday and involve him in all their games which is lovely to see.

Finding out I was pregnant again was scary and also upset me even though we had talked about it for so long. I just don’t want Ethan to think that I am replacing him because that is something I could never do. I’m also anxious as to when I will tell the kids ideally I want to wait until my 20 weeks and I know that everything is okay. If all goes okay I will be due 23rd December, would love to get talking to someone who is or has been in a similar situation. Sorry for the long post 🙈

I haven’t been in your situation, but just want to wish you all the best and I’m so sorry that you went through that

Hi @debbie1989 I just wanted to say firstly how sorry I am to hear about your boy Ethan, losing a baby at any stage is so difficult but carrying him knowing you wouldn't get to bring him home must have been heartbreaking. I lost my son neonatally 8 months ago and have also recently found out I'm pregnant again (due around the 2nd December) so I can totally sympathise with all those feelings of not wanting to think you are 'replacing' your son, because until you are in this situation you can't really comprehend that replacing a baby with another just doesn't happen. Your son will know that you aren't doing this to wipe him from your memory and if anything this new experience may bring you closer to him in ways you didn't expect. As for when to tell your kids I'm sorry I can't provide any clarity on that as my son was our first, I totally understand your want to wait but also that it may be difficult to do so, that's something hopefully you and your partner will be able to decide together.

Wishing you all the very best for a straight forward pregnancy and getting to bring this little one home safe and sound x

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Ethan is such a lovely name for your precious boy.
I'm in a similar position except our little boy Jesse (born Dec 2018 at 22+4) had a very rare chromosomal issue so we had a termination for medical reasons.
I'm currently 14 weeks pregnant and everything is looking well so far but we're considering an amnio just to make sure.

Have you got a care plan in place for this pregnancy?
Its such a hard time to be pregnant as well, I hope things go smoothly for you

I don't think Ethan will think he's being replaced, he will always be Ethan. I understand being pregnant now will have mixed emotions, but let them be happy ones, congratulations this is some good news in these times. A little tear crept out when I read that Ethan breathed and opened his eyes and looked at you x very special. Enjoy your pregnancy. God bless Ethan

You are not replacing Ethan, any more than the love we have for any of our children doesn’t diminish when we add to their number.

He has the best mummy.

I wish you well.

There's no way you could replace your lovely Ethan.
This is a new baby, completely different.
This baby will become a part of your family, just as Ethan and your two other children are.
I haven't been in your situation, and I cannot begin to imagine the pain you've gone through.
I hope you have a happy pregnancy. You can share stories of big brother Ethan with the littlest child. He won't be forgotten or loved any less.

You arent replacing Ethan at all, you are just giving him a big brother badge :) you dont think you are replacing your other children by having another baby right? So it's exactly the same with Ethan :) he will just be a big brother in the clouds.
I wish you all the best with this pregnancy xx

Hi.
I'm pregnant after losing my son at 21 weeks due to a severe heart defect picked up at our 20 week scan. (October 2019)
Please don't think your new pregnancy is a replacement, think of it as a gift from Ethan.
I felt guilty even trying again after losing Alvie but I now see it as a gift from him.
Ethan will be looking over you and protecting you for this journey ahead.
Keep strong and don't feel guilty

Thank you all so much! It’s very hard not being able to tell anyone at this stage and trying to talk through my thoughts. Especially when keeping them in and overthinking can be so dangerous.

So sorry some of you have gone through something similar, it really is the worst thing that has ever happened to us. We had three miscarriages before we had our eldest and so felt so lucky when we had her and Logan with no problems so with Ethan we honestly thought it was going to be plain sailing.

I know when we had our check up they said if we did get pregnant again we could have tests done but with the risk of miscarriage with the amniocentesis I would be afraid of having it. We had it with Ethan so that we could be sure which syndrome it was. I know there are blood tests as well but my fear is that because they aren’t definitive I would be panicking anyway so at the minute I feel like I would want to wait until 20 weeks to see from the scan if everything was ok.

With Ethan we had planned our birth plan meticulously for all possible outcomes. Unfortunately when it came to it none of our plans were adhered to, not one single plan, the midwife we had wasn’t great she wouldn’t let us bathe him, we put a complaint in agains the hospital because there were numerous things that went wrong and so they have made changes so that hopefully no one else will have to go through what we went through. So with this pregnancy if all goes well 🤞 I think I will have a birth plan as well, with Chloe and Logan I didn’t have a birth plan, I didn’t really see the need for one but then with Ethan it highlighted to me the importance of having a plan and also the importance of the staff that are dealing with you to know. So I will have my birth plan printed out and have it with me when the time comes so that all involved know exactly what I want.

Debbie I’m going to report your last post because you name all your children’s names and you probably don’t want to be that identifiable. I hope this time it goes easier than before.