Worried about being unable to breast feed... help please!

[Augustbaby93]

Hey everyone,

I’m currently 5 months pregnant so still have just under half way to go, but I really am struggling already with my anxiety and don’t know if I’m being silly.

Basically, I have mild tuberous breasts which I have been told have a chance of affecting my ability to breast feed as I may not produce milk.

I did want to at least try to breastfeed for the first couple of weeks, but wasn’t overly bothered if I couldn’t until I was watching a program which said that breastfeeding reduces the risk of SIDS. Of course I then googled it and found myself down a hole making my anxiety 100x worse.

I have bad health anxiety and I can already see myself driving myself crazy watching baby breathe all night to make sure he’s okay!

Is the risk really that much higher if I can’t breastfeed? I know googling is the worst thing I could have done 😫 it’s my first baby too so im already a bundle of nerves, especially with everything going on in the world!

I’d love to hear any positive stories from people who have been unable to BF, or even just chose to formula feed from the start?

Thank you everyone, sorry if this is rambly!

I struggled to BF by DD to begin with (still going strong 19mo later however!) . A midwife told me it was because of the shape of my breasts. The nipples pointed down, when my milk came in they were very full at the top. My regular midwife assured me may was complete rubbish (she actually said 'what a load of crap you have normal white European breasts')and helped me with the latch.
So try not to worry! Talk to your midwife about it if you're lucky enough to have a good one.
I saw many different midwives/health visitors when DD was born, never saw the same one twice and honestly they all said something different about breastfeeding and had different levels of knowledge. Looking back it was the older midwives that were the best, whether it's because they had more experience or because they'd actually breastfed children.
What helped me was breast shields (they're considered old fashioned now but was a life saver when DD couldn't latch on properly). Then when she was 4 months old she was able to to cope with breast feeding without them.
I really would buy a couple and keep in just in case. They're also used if your nipples become really sore

Nipple shields were my saviour too

Please try not to panic. Most women can breastfeed successfully and I say this as someone who didn't. Get as much help as you can from midwives and your health visitor. There's breastfeeding support groups and if you've got the money lactation consultants who can all help you if it's what you want to do.
Breastfeeding does slightly reduce the risks of SIDS but there's other bigger ones. Putting baby to sleep on their back with no loose bedding. Not falling asleep holding them on the couch or in bed. I thought of it all as an ideal, the closer I could get to that the better. I know it's hard, I had terrible anxiety when DS was born and I would stay awake all night to make sure he was ok. It was exhausting. It might be worth speaking to your midwife about how you're feeling so it doesn't spiral after birth.
I put so much pressure on myself to breastfeed and it just didn't work out for us. However you feed your baby is absolutely fine.

I was desperate to bf DD (now nearly 3). I managed it for a few weeks, but in all honestly it was so, so hard (and I had no issues with supply or anything, she had no feeding issues either). She wanted to bf constantly, which I know is normal and natural, but I had no idea how exhausting it would be. I ended up starting to resent even cuddling her, as I just wanted 5 minutes of space. She woke constantly through the night, and was never settled unless she was feeding on me. Again, very normal for a young bf baby, but I hated it.

Switched to formula at 5 weeks and it was the best thing we ever did. She was far more settled, slept better (through the night within a couple of weeks!) and we could get into a little routine, which really helped my mental health, and her sleep.

She was the happiest, most content little baby from then. She was (and is) rarely ill, as bright as a button and still sleeps very well. She’s just all round lovely really!

The biggest thing you can do to protect baby from SIDS is safe sleep practices. If a clear, flat cot is used, the difference in risk is minimal. I’d suggest reading a book called ‘cribsheet’ by Emily Oster - she breaks down the research and stats around all things baby, and some of the benefits of breastfeeding are not as profound as I thought (and beat myself up over in those early days!).

I’m due again in August, and will try bf again - it can be lovely and works so well for some people - but won’t put so much pressure on and will switch to formula early on if it isn’t working for us.

You could try harvesting colostrum before your baby is born. Have a google on how to do it and store etc. This will give you confidence that you are producing milk.
Breastfeeding is not an easy option to begin with, but it is so so worth it.
Just to reassure you the majority of babies in the UK are formula fed, and we don’t have crazily high SIDS stats. Try not to focus on SIDS and take every precaution you can xx

I tried BF for the first few days, hated it and my milk didn't really come in. I switched to FF on the advice of my midwife on Day 5 and it was the best decision for us. I was so much happier; DS was so much happier. I think it's important to put the SIDS risk into context - I think that last year approx 200 babies died and a number of those will be explained. Obviously each one is a tragedy but the numbers are very very small and have reduced massively because of the advice to put babies to sleep on their backs. Even if FF increases the risk marginally, you're increasing a very tiny risk to a very marginally less tiny risk. I remember those first few nights thinking that the cot was this deadly piece of equipment and I'd never sleep but that feeling definitely eased. DS is now a very healthy and happy 8 month old.

I found the breastfeeding support in hospital was pretty poor. The medical side and delivery of my baby were amazing though so this is not a hospital bashing thread! What i would recommend is finding your local LaLeche leader and support group. You can contact them before giving birth to get some advise or discuss concerns. Getting support in place and ready for when you need it is easier than trying to arrange it after. I was embarrassed and didn’t want to reach out for support when baby was here but my partner encouraged me to attend a session after a stranger suggested LaLeche and it was the best decision as they really took time to help me and going to sessions after helped me build my confidence and understand that there is support there

Same experience as Sipperskipper on DD2. Do what you can. Every fed makes a difference so give it a good try but if it affects yout mental health you know you can move on. Breastfeeding is wonderful in so many ways for both you and baby but you need to be kind to yourself too. I get the rage with supermoms who do everything right (and look fabulous etc) straight after birth, it's a time for bonding and nurturing both yourself and baby.

What helped me was being told "it's not you who breastfeeds, it's the baby" . Sounds bizarre but it took a lot of pressure off. It's was described how a newborn baby will wriggle up to find the breast just as other newborn mammals do.
I had formula ready but planned to give bf a go. It worked out quite well and I managed to continue (it is painful at first though- Lansinoh nipple cream helps). Don't put too much pressure on yourself, babies thrive also on formula and it doesn't make you a bad parent if that's what you choose. There's too much pressure all round on new mums.

Hi OP. My first DC was FF from birth - he had expressed colostrum and some expressed BM but never latched. The key thing is support - there is very limited support in my area and the midwives were absolutely useless. I'd had a difficult birth and just didn't have the energy to push to get more help. So we FF and my own guilt aside it was great, once you get a system set up it's easy. I really appreciated that DH could take over, especially if I was exhausted or not well. I'd highly recommend either bottles you can sterilise in the microwave or an electric Steriliser and a Perfect Prep. Downside is that it's expensive and requires more planning that just getting a boob out!

In terms of SIDS risk, it's low anyway and it's good to remember that. There's lots of things you can do to reduce the risk - not smoking or letting people who smoke near baby, using a dummy, putting baby to sleep on their back, sleeping in the same room for the first 6 months, making sure they aren't too hot in their sleep. The lullaby trust has lots of good information and your midwife/HV should go through it all with you before birth too.

I’d recommend getting a private lactation consultant to come to your house in the first few days after birth and show you what to do. The support in the hospitals is rubbish and there are local bf groups which are great but at the beginning it’s much easier to have someone come to you. They will be able to advise whether you will have any issues due to your breasts (hopefully not but best to find out ASAP). I think you won’t know until the baby is born and your milk comes in so don’t stress about it now! Google la Leche league and they should be able to recommend some people. I wish I’d done this first time round (did manage to EBF but found the first few weeks hard and baby had undiagnosed tongue tie) and will be doing it this time (pregnant again).