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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I want a baby at 23...

15 replies

heythere7 · 08/04/2020 18:53

Hi all. I'm really really struggling at the moment and need some support.
In May last year I miscarried my first pregnancy (unplanned) and I cant get the idea out of my head that I NEED to try again! It's been nearly a year and I just feel broken.

Me and my fiance have been together 5 years and when I fell pregnant it was perfect! I saw a side of him I've never seen before and it was the happiest days of my life - all I've ever wanted is to be a mother.

Since the miscarriage I cant get it out of my head but my partner wont hear it. He does not want a baby right now.

We've both god really well paid jobs and we're about to move into an amazing new house that's big enough.

It's just so so so hard for me to deal with waiting - I feel like a piece of my has been torn off and nothing I do can make me feel better. I spend most days in bed crying.

I know I cant change his mind, I just wondered if anyone had any advice to cope? A family member just had a baby that was unplanned and it feels like a kick to the heart seeing her with her beautiful baby! My partner couldn't care less and gets mad when I bring it up :(

OP posts:

Original poster

heythere7 · 08/04/2020 18:55

I sometimes feel like this surely means we're not meant to be together? If we have such opposite feelings towards it? My family are my everything but his are very distant and he doesnt care

OP posts:

wannabeadored · 08/04/2020 19:00

Sorry for your loss.

My younger sibling had a baby with his ex , it tore me up. I came off the pill in July last year and have had zero luck TTC .

I put TTC on hold just now, it's really upsetting me but it's just not worth the risk for me, I have a medical issue and would need more hospital appointments than a regular pregnancy.

Delbelleber · 08/04/2020 19:02

Aaw I can relate to this. I miscarried my second pregnancy and I was overcome with this pure instinct that I had to have another baby, and my partner at the time changed his mind about ttc after the mc. Everyone around me seemed to be getting pregnant and it was torture for me.
I ended up giving him an ultimatum that we either were ttc or I was leaving because I needed to have a baby. In sure some people won't approve! But I felt it so strongly that it was what I had to do. He agreed we could ttc and after a year it finally happened. I guess you have to make decisions and follow your heart.

Demielizabethj · 08/04/2020 19:04

Have you asked him what the reason is for why he doesn’t want to try? Perhaps the miscarriage was really hard and he doesn’t want to go through it again? Finding out the reason will help you both figure out the next steps

mencken · 08/04/2020 19:11

whatever the circumstances now is not the time for anyone to get deliberately pregnant. Wait until normal life returns.

you need to talk with your partner to find out what he is really thinking. You should not be 'falling' pregnant, that sounds like an accident. You've been together since you were very young and people change.

and before you do try again, book 20 mins in the registry office for your protection. Good luck.

Original poster

heythere7 · 08/04/2020 19:12

wannabeadored I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles :( The emotions behind fertility dont compare to anything else :'(

Delbelleber sometimes I think that's all I could do. I know he would choose to leave which is so scary. I've moved my whole life across country for his job, I dont even know where I would go and what if no one wanted me because of everything that's happened?

Demielizabethj he just doesn't feel ready. He wants to be married and settled into a house properly but is in no rush to do any of that. He gets so mad when I try and talk to him about the reasons. I think he is very influenced by people around him too and thinks he would be judged

OP posts:

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 08/04/2020 19:21

I had my DD when I was 19 (nearly 20) after a birth control failure. I’m now married to my DD’s dad and we TTC for 13 months before conceiving my current pregnancy. We had a MC after conceiving after the first cycle and I can completely understand your desperate need to be pregnant again.

However, having a baby is not a decision to be made lightly. I would agree with his reasoning that you need to be married (for your security more than his) and settled. You are 23 so have plenty of time ahead of you.

Compromise. He wants to wait until after you’re married. Fine but you set a date for the wedding and the agreement is you try immediately after that.

Pineapplebaby · 08/04/2020 19:33

did you have any counselling following your mc last year? It’s not something you ever really get over but you can learn ways to cope with it better and I would really suggest you do this before looking to get pregnant again.
A close friend of mine was obsessed with falling pregnant again after her loss to the point it nearly split her and her husband up.
Having a baby is a massive life event and you need to be on the same page as each other, it’s not fair to bring a child into the world if he’s not wanting this yet. However hard that may be.
Get yourself in a better position mentally, look after yourself and then think again about getting pregnant.

Temple29 · 08/04/2020 20:42

I totally understand how you feel OP and I’m sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage at 22 and I felt exactly the same. I even accused my DP (now DH) of not caring about the baby we lost because he didn’t want to try again.

The only thing I can say is time really does help and if there’s someone you can talk to about this you should. Your DP won’t ever thank you for putting pressure on him to start a family and you don’t want to start it that way.

I had my first at 29 and it was the right time for us. I eventually stopped feeling the need to have a baby ASAP and we were both just naturally ready at 29.

Original poster

heythere7 · 12/04/2020 23:30

Hi all, I have an update.
Me and my partner have decided to seperate. We're such different people and this has just driven our desires further apart and we need to do this for our own sakes.

OP posts:

Aly92 · 13/04/2020 00:06

Oh no I’m so sorry it came to this. But it’s understandable if your both at very different stages of your life. Good luck and keep us updated. I hope you are ok

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 13/04/2020 03:06

I’m sorry to hear that was the outcome but hopefully you can both move towards what’s right for each of you now.

GaaaaarlicBread · 13/04/2020 13:50

So sorry to hear this news x

anniebu · 13/04/2020 14:09

I'm happy for you op. Hope you will find a partner with shared goals who you can have a family with.

mencken · 15/04/2020 19:25

sorry to hear that, wishing you better and calmer times. And you have loads of time, so you can take it slow, build a relationship, get married and then have that baby.

the very best to you.

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