Unplanned 3rd Pregnancy

[kkkatherine92]

Hello All,

Im a little lost at the moment to be honest, My husband and I found out that we are pregnant with number 3 48 hours ago. We always said we would only ever have 2 children.

We currently have 2 boys, 3 and 8 and felt our family was complete. We became pregnant by accident and my husband is adamant he doesnt want to keep it. He thinks logistically and financially 3 would be a push.

I agree, we both work full time and have very good jobs, live in a nice house in a nice area. However, I cannot bring myself to have a termination. I have spent hours crying over the mere thought of terminating this pregnancy.

I think I am around 4-5 weeks currently. I feel another addition could be amazing, It could be the worst decision. Our 3 year old was a very difficult baby with reflux and I struggled. My mum is also our only help and she is 69 this year, she is also pushing me to terminate this pregnancy.

Does anyone have experience of a similiar situation? I dont want either of my two children to feel pushed out and I also dont want this pregnancy to push my husband away and not want this child.

I felt the natural instinct to protect this baby from the moment I found out I was pregnant, even though all along I said I wouldnt every have a third.

Sorry for the rabble - I just needed a forum to get all of this in the air and some advice on similar situations.

Thanks in advance x

Hi lovely, I didn't want to scroll without messaging you.

I'm not in this situation but I know others who have been.

I know it's not simple as you have a family and a husband but one thing is absolutely clear.

YOU CONTROL YOUR BODY.

No one can tell you to terminate a pregnancy, no one SHOULD either.

I would strongly advise you to speak to your husband and discuss this, explain how you feel, tell him your thoughts & emotions. Don't feel bullied or pressured into a decision that could potentially haunt you.

Yes, you need to consider the financial & childcare aspect of having a 3rd child.

But please, please consider your mental health and YOUR body.

Xxx

It's a really tricky one OP. I understand where you're coming from. While it may be a financial strain, would you actually be able to afford to give 3 DC the life you want for them? If so, if might be worth reaproaching your DH with the reassurance of the financial aspect. I would also try to respond to any concerns he may have with logical solutions.

While it is ultimately your choice, it is worth considering the impact on your marriage if your DH doesn't come around to the idea of a third child.

Has your DH thought about having a vesectomy? It may be best to prevent any future surprises!

@kkkatherine92 i wrote an identical post to this last year so felt like I had to I reply! I also have 2 children who are 5 and 8 and found out I was pregnant with our third. My partner wasn't upset but he wasn't particularly happy either. More the financial side of things and the fact we seemed in a good position at the time. My children were a good age at school etc we have nice holidays etc. My 2nd child was allergic to milk as a baby so very unsettled for what seemed like forever and I had postnatal depression. So the thought of another baby made me so anxious and worried. I didn't know how I felt.

Fast forward and I am now 32 weeks with our third. We talked about it, I cried and I felt for me personally it was a blessing and we would manage. My OH was very supportive and is now very exited. It might be a struggle but that's ok. It is completely down to you however I do think having my OH on board really made a difference to my decision.

Xx

My mum is also our only help and she is 69 this year, she is also pushing me to terminate this pregnancy

This is very sad.

Yes. Ds3 was totally unplanned. Ds1 and ds2 were 8 and 5 when he was born. We had both just started new jobs after a period of study and temp work and were financially very rocky. Dh wanted me to terminate. I knew I should but did not want to. We had ds3 and he is 5 now and life without him seems unthinkable; had I have wanted to terminate I would have done so without any sense of shame or guilt, though.

It takes two to make a baby if he was that against it he should have had a vasectomy. How dare they tell you to get rid of it. Let them carry it for you and then get rid of the baby. If you want this baby then fight for it. If he truly loves you he’ll get past it.

Thank you ladies, emotions are still running high but I think I have made the decision to keep the baby. I completely understand my husbands worries around our current children and finances but we will get by.

It’s a shock for us all, and still very early days. Thank you for all your advice and comfort, it’s good to know I’m not alone in this. It’s going to be hard work but every baby is a blessing.