20 weeks pregnant, history of domestic abuse and social...

[Chlo5ten]

Sorry for long post in advance.....
Ive been with my current partner for 17 months im currently 20 weeks pregnant and i have two children already.
Last year i called the police on three separate occasions due to my partner being violent, threatening or both and as a result social decided to put my children on a child protection plan. I got this removed after 3 months even though i called the police twice due to him being very threatening and violent.i did everything they wanted and showed i was safe guarding. Not once was my ability to parent questioned nor did they say i wasnt a good mum. The problem was my partner.
I kept him away but somehow hes managed to move back in.....now i know most people say "just leave" just phone the police" "talk" BUT untill you have met and loved an abusive narcissist you will never know the power they have no matter how strong you are.....SO ive dpoken to social as hes high risk, to enable to be with him my unborn child and two children will go back on a plan and he would have risk assessments. I dont want this so have told them im not having contact and he would have to go to court to see baby.
Im terrified if im honest they will apply to court because ive let him around the kids and im terrified to ask/tell him to leave as i know for a fact he wont.
As soon as hes not in control hes hurrendous to me and i know what hes capable of. I cang leave as this is my house full of my things and i know he would trash it.
I cant sleep, im on edge 24/7 , im stressed and so scared.
I also feel so guilty if i leave and take the baby away from him as hes been so lovely lately. Its a very confusing place to be.
Any help, advice would be amazing.
Also please dont tell me its simple please dont tell me that social are there to help they are not!! They lie, manipulate and do as they please no matter what the evidence.

If say, no matter how nice he has been lately, this man is abusive and will be again. Get away as soon and as safely as possible. Use support services available. Domestic violence is no joke and will affect your children.

Are you in touch with a domestic violence charity OP? If not, can you do that?

He will be violent again and its only a matter of time before he either kills you or your kids, or your kids are taken off you. Sorry. You don't have to like SS but you're going to have to do as they say. Your dc have to be protected, even if it means they have to protect them from you.

What advise do you want? You know what you have to do. If you let an abusive narcissist around your children, you're NOT safeguarding them. Good luck with social services. You'll need it if you keep putting that arsehole first.

You never loved him, you loved the person he pretended to be. No one loves a monster. You know he is a narcissist so the next step is letting it sink in that the person you loved never existed. There is no 'good' and "bad' him. There is only the monster and his pretend face. He is all bad.

You have to win the fight with yourself first. They confuse you and make your brain foggy but if you can hold onto the fact that he is nothing but an empty shell, hell bent on draining the life from you and your children, that might make it easier to leave once and for all, should opportunity arise.

I get it. I’ve been there. But it’s when it comes to your kids you draw the line. At this rate they’ll end up taking your kids if you keep skipping up and letting him in. Is he worth that?
If you gVe to move to get rid of that scam, do it. Get your family. But do something

What do you mean he somehow moved in?

I mean this in the nicest possible way. But wake up OP. Your parenting is in question. Yoi are allowing him around your children. That's not good parenting.

I know it may not feel like it. But you are not a leaf blowing where the wind takes you. You are making choices. Yiuballowedbhim to move back in. You are choosing to tell social service he isnt there, when he is.

You need help and support to get out. But you need to choose to pursue this.

When he get violent again, social services will become involved and when it's clear you have been lying to them, this will be so much worse for you and your kids. What if your children get hurt next time?

Get in touch with woman's aid, your children deserve to grow up in safety.

The fact you are lying to social workers shows that your children are not your top priority.

Social services are there to HELP you! If you only knew how much money it cost the system to issue proceedings in Court you would understand that they only ever remove children If they absolutely feel it necessary to do so!

If you carry on lying to them then of course they have every right to investigate the situation further and put plans in place to safeguard YOUR children - if you can’t safeguard them someone else has to make sure they remain safe! It’s not fair on your poor children to witness this type of behaviour - as said by a PP it WILL affect your children!

I’m not saying it’s easy to walk away as of course it’s not for anyone in your situation but please think of how this will effect your children!

If you are worried about your partner entering your property/if he does call the police and seek an injunction.

You need to find a way to walk away from this.

If you leave, your property will be damaged. If you stay, your children will be damaged. It's not fair, it's not easy, but that's the choice. And if you can't make it, then eventually social services will make it for you. Please contact some of the services listed up thread for support. It's not too late to turn all this around.

You are failing your children by allowing abuse to continue - it's doesn't just affect you. You need to put your children first. Make no mistake, he will gleefully inform SS & court that he has been living there all along - whether he has or not. He'll go to court to take your baby and SS will remove your other children as you cannot or will not safeguard them. Wake up Op - is this the future you want? I'm sorry to be harsh, but you are damaging your children by letting this man remain in your lives. I say this as someone who put the children first, divorced their narc dad who still dragged me through court for many years - they don't stop til they take everything from you. Get as far away as you can now & contact women's aid/ refuge or other DV charity.

I was the child that grew up in a violent household. My step dad don't lay a finger on me but believe me when I say it still damaged me massively. Just because he isn't violent towards the children doesn't mean he isn't hurting them and they will deal with it for the rest of their lives. It also damaged my relationship with my mum because I resented her for not leaving sooner. You may not be able to leave for yourself, but if you love your children you need to leave for them. Call women's aid next time he is out of the house. I beg of you. Good luck.

You need a wake up call not a hand hold really. You appear to be minimising a very serious situation. Put as plainly as possible you are not putting your children first.

They are 100% reliant on you to make the right decisions and you are not. This man is damaging to them and they should not be around them.

You know what you have to do.

Come up with a plan, most things in the house can be replaced you and your family can't.
If you were to step out of the door tomorrow and not go back what would you need? Start putting a bag together of essentials. If a bag would be too obvious gather everything together in one place a drawer maybe. Think about documentation too - passports, ID etc as well as cash and any medication, essential toiletries
Make contact with a place of safety whether that is a family /friends /refuge.
Think about getting access for a new phone or sim in case that can be used track you - before contacting people if you can.
YOU can be the person in control of this situation not the abuser. Be brave, you've got this.