Nobody cares when you're pregnant but give birth and everyone is in your face?

[myleg]

So I live with in laws - not the most ideal situation. I have enough to buy a house but can't as now with this all going on no one is selling etc have been looking for at least a year and it's not going well for us.

I seem to be getting on fine and don't rely on anyone if I'm feeling un well but I feel like no one gives a crap about how I feel and can't even help in the slightest. When I clean I make sure I do all of it, when someone else is doing a household chore they don't even bother doing my room. My mil goes around telling everyone etc acting like she helps me so much just to look good on the outside when she does eff all. I have had bleeding in the past with pregnancy too so have been stressed out.

I can just imagine once the baby (their first grandchild) comes everyone will be up my arse wanting to get involved. Why is it that no ones gives a crap about you when you're pregnant and only when the child comes out?

Maybe they don't go in your room to respect your privacy 🤷

Do you go into their bedrooms to clean them?

why should anyone else clean your room though? what do you actually expect her to do?

Oh goodness I went through the same thing. My in laws were toxic af. I would have never had a baby in that house. I waited until I was out to have mine. It was the same but mine was a little more to it. They hated me. To the point they made everyone stop talking to me. Thank god I live close to my parents otherwise I don’t know I would have coped those months. Of course when I had my baby they were all up my ass. It never really goes away. I’ll never forget but I keep it cordial. Visit once every few weeks. Set boundaries but move out as soon as you can.

@aly92 why because they don't clean her room?

I lived with my IL's when my daughter was born and trust me, you'll hate anyone coming into your room after the baby is born!

You want her to clean your room? Grow up

When I clean I make sure I do all of it, when someone else is doing a household chore they don't even bother doing my room.

Do you go cleaning your in-law’s bedroom? Sorry but expecting grown adults to tidy or clean each other’s bedroom is a bit weird.

Why is it that no ones gives a crap about you when you're pregnant and only when the child comes out?

It tends to be the opposite way round really - if you’re disappointed with the lack of attention you’re getting now then you’re in for a shock when the baby arrives.

When I said 'clean' room I meant it as seeming that there's only one hoover in the house, you would go around doing the hoover in all rooms. Just as you would clean the windows of all of rooms or dust.

I think some of you spend too much time on Mumsnet and if you haven't got anything constructive to say go and find another thread to bash someone on.

Maybe focus on the point of the thread

Wow I feel like everyone is being really harsh. Didn’t she say when she cleans she does all of it. So I’m guessing that means she does their rooms? In that case it should go both ways. But really.

Having an adult who isn’t family living in your house long term is hard work. They probably are not finding the situation any easier than you are.

You chose to get pregnant while living in their home, you can now choose to put up with the aggravation, or move out.

OP, is it just the not hoovering your room thing? I sense there's probably more to it than that.
You're obviously stressed and frustrated at the housing situation but getting angry at MN users isn't going to help.

I wouldn't clean your room either. And I'd be quite angry that you cleaned mine.
Boundaries...

Your in-laws are doing you a massive favour by allowing you to live in their home and you bitch about them because you are not being treated like the princess you think you are.

Get off Mumsnet and go hoover your own room.

I assume they're respecting your privacy. I wouldn't dream of going into another adult's bedroom to vacuum or dust or clean the windows.

Living with ILs is never going to be uncomplicated. I sympathise about the house purchase we just had to pull out of one and I'm gutted but if you have some money, there's always the option of renting somewhere to live for now? Living with your ILs and buying a house aren't the only options. I would personally loathe to have been living with mine when I had my son.

Maybe you should focus on hoovering your room.

People are being incredibly horrible on here, either they haven't been pregnant or haven't been pregnant recently. I found myself very overly sensitive whilst in the latter stages of pregnancy. There was a lot of tears and frustrations over things that would ordinarily not bother me- our hormones are everywhere. If I was you I'd just stop over doing it, if doing their room is irritating you just stop! If you are anything like most of us having a lot of people helping out when baby gets here will be a godsend, you may even get chance to sleep! Hopefully you find a house ASAP, in the meantime just remind yourself it's not forever!

I’m kind of shocked tbh never seen this side of mumsnet. Let’s try to be kind to one another. She’s probably hormonal af and there’s Probably more to it

Absolutely agree @scarlet

Why is it that no ones gives a crap about you when you're pregnant and only when the child comes out?

This hasn’t been my experience. And actually- it hasn’t been yours either as your baby hasn’t been born yet. You’re just assuming they’ll be “up your arse”. They may not be.

No one is being remotely 'horrible', merely pointing out that there's an alternative (positive) explanation of why her ILs are not vacuuming her bedroom. And that having the OP and her partner (and their baby, in time) to live with them is doing them an enormous favour and sacrifice of room and privacy, so unless there's a huge back story the OP hasn't mentioned, it seems both arbitrary and harsh to accuse them of neglecting her while pregnant and (potentially) being all over her once the baby arrives.

I personally wouldn’t go in another adults bedroom unless specifically asked to, and definitely wouldn’t go in there to hoover or anything. It’s probably just different boundaries tbh. I think it would be a mistake to hold this against them.
That being said, you sound very angry at them already, with your use of language etc, so I’m wondering whether there’s a big backstory you’re now going to drip feed.

Why don’t you just stop hoovering other people’s bedrooms? They can’t complain as you will simply ensure you are doing the same as them. I personally would hate someone to clean my room for me in a shared home but I appreciate if you feel you are doing more than others it would be annoying (plenty of that it uni without even cleaning people’s bedrooms).

How far along are you? If you are heavily pregnant or struggling regardless they may not know you want help unless you ask for it.

I used to live with in laws and know how tough it is. I imagine with extra pregnancy hormones it’s extra tough.
My advice would be have a chat with them, set some boundaries.
Personally I didn’t go in their room, and I wouldn’t have liked them going in mine. I hope it gets easier for you x