Isolated from husband

[Greenmushroom]

Hiya I’m all new to this so please be nice.

I am 10 weeks pregnant and moved from the southeast being on a very small narrow boat to wales to isolate away from my husband who works emergency services and has a high chance of catching the virus two weeks ago. The decision wasn’t easy but thought it’s the best we can do given our financial situation (we just bought a house in wales but need lots of doing up (money and time- we were scheduled to move in around aug time together) and the wellbeing of the baby.

I’ve moved in with my in-laws. We get on really well but they’re not quite on the same page on the safety side of things. They’re keen on still having the freedom to go out to get bits and bobs once a week from the shops. I’ve arranged online shopping to negate any outside physical contacts which covered more than essentials but they feel or at least I feel I’ve restricted their freedom. I worry about their safety too as they’re older. They feel very responsible for me but at the same also unfair that they can’t do very much I guess because of me. I feel torn, I miss my husband but there’s simply no space for me to keep myself isolated back in the southeast. I don’t necessary feel all that comfortable being around the in-laws either as I feel I’m restricting their movements.

I’m holding it together. I’m strong but it sucks just a little. I’m gonna have my first scan and I will be going alone. The next time my husband see me I’d look very different. I’m swaying towards maybe I should just go move into the house we bought (which is totally unfinished) on my own, so I can give my in-laws their freedom back, keep our baby safe ....but I also think I may struggle with being completely on my own in an unfinished house in a completely new area.

I don’t really know what to think...or how to think....

Sorry you’ve had to move from your husband and your plans have fallen through - that is a real shame

Do your in laws have any medical diagnosis that means they can’t go to the shops? Only those with certain medical conditions have to completely self isolate so they should be able to go to the shops once a week if they want to.

I’m 13 weeks and still go to the shop once a week. The guidance isn’t to lock ourselves at home completely.

Congrats! How are you feeling? Did you have your scan recently?

No the in-laws don’t have any health issues. I guess everything can be done online but don’t know why there’s the need to make unnecessary trips which would increase chances of catching the virus.

If they are just doing it for the social side of things, that would conflict with the guidance. Wouldn’t it?

How unfinished is this house? If it has a working bathroom and fully equipped kitchen with no damp/mound problems I'd probably just move there. Good opportunity to get some work done as well possibly!

There is one working bathroom, it’s dirty as hell and another bathroom which is 30% finished. Kitchen has dilapidated cabinets and no appliances at all. All floorboards. We don’t really have much cash flow until June to make it basic enough for me to live in.

Sorry you’re going through this. As pp said how unfurnished is the house? If the bathroom is working and kitchen I would move in provided you can afford to get a few essentials. It would put my mind at ease knowing I was isolating properly as you mention in-laws still going out etc.
I hope everything goes well for you at your scan. I had to go alone too and all the partners in the waiting area weren’t allowed in anyway x

Just wanted to say, I'm really sorry you are going through this.
I'm 21+3 and currently stuck in a different country to my OH. Not sure if I'll see him again before baby arrives or even if he'll be able to get here for the birth as that all depends on travel restrictions so I know how you are feeling.
It's really tough.

I'm not pregnant but I do understand how hard it is to be away from your DH for a long time; my DH was away for three weeks whilst his DF was dying and I was home looking after our DC. Worrying about them catching anything adds another layer of stress and I always found being pregnant made me more anxious.

Don't forget that your in-laws are probably pleased to be able to look after you and their grandchild. If they are struggling with not going out then that's not on you per se, most people are finding it tough to adjust to.

However could they not do the weekly shop at least? I think pregnant women are advised to shield rather than isolate totally?

Oh and definitely move into your new house asap!

I’m sorry that you find yourself in this very difficult situation, OP, but your in-laws are doing nothing wrong by going to the shops once a week. The delivery slots need to be kept for very vulnerable people who cannot go to the shops at all.

I think your putting them in a bit of difficult situation. The delivery slots are ridiculous right now. They are probably over the moon to look after you but it works both ways. If all they do is go out for shopping then it shouldn't be a problem. Maybe ask them to wear gloves. Or a mask. Compromise. But if you start making demands things can become unpleasant.

Hiya ur right. I think I should probably rough it out with bare essentials as it would put everyone more at ease. How was the scan? Did it go okay? Xx

I’m really really sorry to hear that. How are you coping and do you have others around you to look after you? I know my situation is not that bad at all, it’s all relative isn’t it. It must be incredibly difficult for you esp when he’s not around and obviously ur also worried about his safety. Where is ur husband stuck at now? If you ever want to chat, please feel free to DM XXx send you loads of virtual hugs and positive thoughts xx

Yeah I think I will just need to let the dust settle, it’s still all very new and EVERYONE else is struggling too. What’s happening now is difficult for everyone so I just need to think a bit beyond just myself x