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Original poster

Baby name trouble

30 replies

Lucky13 · 12/09/2007 12:11

Hi,
I maybe should have put this in the 'Am i being unreasonable section' because maybe i am!

I would love to give our child an irish first name as i'm half irish and have a large close knit irish family. In particular i'd like to name her after my aunt and i have loved this name since i was a young child.

My DH however wants an english name, saying that he is english and we don't live in Ireland. He also says that no-one will be able to pronounce it. I also know that his parents will also hate it as they are very traditional.

I've said if he really hates the name then i'll compromise to another irish name instead, and anglicise the spelling, but he still says no. The baby will have his surname, so why can't i have something reflecting my family?

I have an awful first name which i have hated throughout my life and i wanted to give our child a name which is uncommon and special. However i realise that i may be using my own unhappy experience to give the child an unusual name.

I just think that there is nothing wrong in being individual or wanting a little girl to feel her name is special. I hated the fact that my name was the same as so many others.

I have come up with lists of names and he doens't like any of them. He has come up with one which is really common at the mo and won't even look at name books! It's only a few weeks to go now and i don't want the baby to be called 'baby'!!

Does anyone have any ideas how i can get him to take interest in names or even to try to get to understand why this is important to me?

thanks

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bobsmum · 12/09/2007 12:18

It's so hard isn't it?

I'm scottish and names I like, dh (english) hates - just because they don't sound right to his ears IYSWIM, whereas they sound really normal and nice to me - like Murray, Mhairi or Kirsty.

i wanted my gran's maiden name as a middle name for ds (quite traditional here) but dh said no, ds would get teased. He wouldn't, we live in Scotland, it's quite common

Anyway, I don't really know what to suggest. The family will learn to pronounce it - the child will be aournd for long enough for them to make the effort and learn - so that's not really a good excuse IMO.

yOu may have to compromise though and one of you will have to get the middle name option.

Or just cross your legs and say baby's not going anywhere unless you get first pick

LucyK1978 · 12/09/2007 12:20

Wow this sounds like a really difficult situation, and I can understand why you are cross with your DH for not wanting to discuss it with you or compromise.

I'm not sure which names are on your list, but are any of them of Irish origin but more familiar here, so as to be a compromise? Can you write your list of irish names and we can maybe help?

I know some Irish names have quite unusual spellings so can also partly understand his argument, but as you say, you can anglicise the spelling, or... Why are names so difficult to choose?!

kindersurprise · 12/09/2007 12:34

Hi,

this sounds like a very difficult situation. I think you should try to compromise, there must be a name that you both would be happy with. Irish names are really popular at the moment, and not just in Ireland

Our DCs have Scottish names and my DH's family were a bit unsure to begin with as they are German.

My MIL said that she would never learn to pronounce Catriona so she would just call her Katarina. We pronounce it Cat-ri-o-na not Cat-reena so as not to confuse people, so surely they can make the bloody effort. My BIL was great, he told his mum that I had given up my fab Scottish name when I married DH, the least she could do was learn to pronounce our DD's name. She learnt!

What names do you like? What does he want?

bobsmum · 12/09/2007 12:36

Tell us the names! Tell us the names!!

Original poster
Lucky13 · 12/09/2007 12:48

Hi thanks for the replies.

I have told him that if he doesn't look at names i'll choose anyway - but he knows i'm full of false threats!

Bobsmum - Yep the names sound normal and nice to me too. We already have a middle name approved by his mother! I thought that I was being helpful by doing that, but he now says 'well i didn't choose it did i'! Aarrgh i give up. I wish i could cross my legs but unfortunately having a C/S!!

LucyK1978 - My favourite name is Áine, but i know its difficult to pronounce, which is why i said i would change the spelling. I also like Alanna as my grandad used to call my mum that. Failing either of those two, i also like Caitlin, Catriona, Eibhlin, Neala, and Orlagh. All of which i'm happy to change the spelling of to help!

If he would only just take an interest - to completely dismiss everything i come up with with no suggestions of his own is not helpful.

Am i wrong in wanting an unusual name or something to represent my family?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky13 · 12/09/2007 12:51

sorry missed your other posts - took too long typing!!

Kindersurprise - i second your Catriona - i don't mind either pronounciation. When i told his mum i wanted Áine she said 'what Sonya'? Then i told her a couple more times and she still couldn't get it!

OP posts:
bobsmum · 12/09/2007 12:52

Loooove Orlagh! What's hard to pronounce about that?

They all look straightforward apart from Aine - I don't from a first look how to say that, but surely you hear it once and that's it? I like Aoife too, but it's quite popular round here atm.

Don't show anyone the spellings - just say the names out loud.

Good grief the English manage to say Worcester and Gloucester without spontaneously combusting!!

susiemj · 12/09/2007 12:57

What an awkward situation! It does sound like he's digging his heels in unecessarily hard. What about something that isn't Irish as such but is commonly used in Ireland.

My 'Irish' family female names are
Noreen
Sheila
Kathleen
Caitlin
Margaret
Mary Carol

Might not be your favourites but I've seen some websites which give comparative names English/Irish. There are lots which are fairly swappable. I agree with you. I think you want to give a girl a name which is a bit distinctive.

I'd love to know the name you want to call her.

nappyaddict · 12/09/2007 12:59

how are Aine, Eibhlin and Neala pronounced?

susiemj · 12/09/2007 12:59

Sorry! Didn;t se your last. I don't se there's anything particularly odd about Caitlin and Catriona in particular.

Say just as definite a 'no' to his and ask for a LIST from whoch you could choose?

bobsmum · 12/09/2007 13:03

I like Erin - doesn't it actually mean "Ireland" traditionally?

Original poster
Lucky13 · 12/09/2007 13:19

Unfortunately i know quite a few Erins so that one is out.

I've asked for a list from him and he says he will do - but never does!

Áine is awnya, Eibhlin is avelinn and Neala is neela. I love Áine because its my aunts name and it means radiance and brilliance. Áine was also queen of the fairies so i was told!

I have a lot of standard pronounceable irish names in my family and just wanted something a little different.

OP posts:
bobsmum · 12/09/2007 13:46

Lucky -- all three of your favourites are gorgeous!! Educate the English - go for it!!

nappyaddict · 12/09/2007 15:26

i like neela. obviously pronounced as it is spelt and not hard to say.

Pollyanna · 12/09/2007 15:30

I have known an Aine and no one had any problems pronouncing it (in England). I think it is a lovely name.

some people prefer unusual names, but you will also find people who grew up with unusual names wishing for a more normal name.

With all of my 4 children dh hasn't agreed to any of my names, and has refused to discuss it until after the baby is born. I have had one child called "baby" until it was 6 weeks old!

RGPargy · 12/09/2007 15:34

Loving Eibhlin and Aine!!

If your DH is being stubborn and wont budge from his choices, then you should do the same!!

Seriously tho, just go on and on and on and on and on and on about it until he caves in.

RGPargy · 12/09/2007 15:34

Oh and you should DEFFO keep the Irish spelling of them too! That's all part of the loveliness of Irish names, IMO!

tigerschick · 12/09/2007 15:40

Relatives of mine called their daughter Anya. It is a 're-spelling' of Aine which her mum wanted originally, as she is Irish, but they settled on Anya as it is easier to see how it is pronounced.

I think that you should persist with what you want. It can't be easy if he is digging his heals in but there will come a time when he has no choice but to discuss it. Good luck.

Sarahjct · 12/09/2007 16:15

None of those are difficult...although I have Irish parents too so maybe I'm not the best judge. But they're nothing as complicated as the names I've suggested to English DH and his favourite was Caoimhe.

I love Aine (can't find my accents!) and would use that but my niece is Anna so it's too similar.

skidoodle · 13/09/2007 10:32

Eibhlín is pronounced either the same as eileen or ev-leen. I've never heard of neala but even with fadas (accents) it could not be neela. As written it would be pronounced nala.

I think your dh is being a bit of an arse but it does seem he might have a point about them being confusing since even you seem not to be that familiar with irish pronunciation.That said

skidoodle · 13/09/2007 10:40

Aine is a beautiful ancient name, you know how to say it and it's a family name with a lot of meaning for you. I'm quite that it is being dismissed out of hand because it's not english.

my dh is english and hates most irish girls' names, so i kind of know the feeling.

Sarahjct · 13/09/2007 10:43

That's a bit harsh Skidoodle. Things do vary region to region - I've heard Caoimhe pronouched both Keeva and Keevy, both by the Irish, in Ireland but different parts of the country. Same with a couple of other names I could mention.

Sarahjct · 13/09/2007 10:44

pronouched ???
pronounced!

chopchopbusybusy · 13/09/2007 10:52

Compromise is the only answer here. I think you should insist that he gives you a shortlist. If he's just giving you one name he likes then that's unfair. I like Caitlin and can't imagine it would be mispronounced by anyone (it was on my shortlist but DH didn't like it). Orlagh and Catriona are quite straightforward too. We found names really difficult to choose and DD2 was just baby for at least a week.

skidoodle · 13/09/2007 11:08

Sorry, not meaning to be harsh. Just posting from a phone, so a bit curt.

Sarah - I know there are dialectial variations on names, e.g. Aine can be pronounced Aunya or (in theory at least, although even in Ulster I've never heard anyone use this) Anya.

If you put a fada on the first E in Eibhlin then you could get Ay-vleen or Aileen but I've never, ever come across anyone who uses this and I know a lot of people from a lot of places called that name. [Also, I hate it because to me it's kind of old fashioned, like being called Joan or something. But obviously that doesn't exist in England.]

There is no way to make the sound Neela out of the letters Neala in Irish. Irish has pretty standard pronunciation once dialectical variations are borne in mind. It could be Nayla or (possibly Naula) but Neela would be spelled with a i, not an e.] Any other Irish speakers out there can come up with a way?

Caoimhe is pronounced Queeva or Keeva (in Ulster). Keevy is more a deliberate variation than a valid pronunciation of the name.

chopchop - the Irish pronunciation of caitlin is cotch-leen (but less ugly). Most people mispronounce it.

Orlagh (usually written Orla) is easy to say and spell. A couple I know in America chose this for their daughter for that reason (wanting an Irish name that wouldn't cause issues).