Just a thought guys dont take it the wrong way...

[NishaaS123]

I just have a thought going through some of the posts I have severe anxiety and constantly worry about the baby.. just going through the post most of the days and there are posts that really freak me out things like miscarriage water breaking really early etc. That really triggers me off :( Was just wondering shouldn't there be a separate forum for unfortunate incidents so atleast people who are pregnant can look through the forum without getting anxiety about reading these things like the title freaks me out.. maybe it's me and I am really sorry not trying to be insensitive at all but just s thought.. I am gonna try not to go through the forum now anyway so I can keep away from anxiety but just a thought guys if there could be a forum for these things.. really sorry again dont mean it in a bad way at all just a thought.

So you want maybe a pregnancy complications section? Not a bad idea although I think you would be better off just scrolling past upsetting titles. I know how you feel though when i was pg everything freaked me out and upset me.

Miscarriages, stillbirths, waters breaking early are all perfectly natural outcomes of pregnancy. I appreciate you are anxious and I do understand (I was anxious throughout my pregnancy as it was high risk) but you can’t deal with that by keeping yourself ignorant of the things that could happen.

@Geepipe yeah something like that I totally understand what you mean but sometimes it just gets the anxiety up and then theres no way to get rid of it :(

Pregnancy is a wrorrying time, but it,s good to be informed about things which can go wrong 3 pregnancies and none text book.

Bless you i felt the same. What i learned though was if it was going to happen it would happen so theres no point giving it headspace. I also hid the pregnancy topic when it got too much for me and focused on other boards unless i was specifically looking for something.

I get it, pregnancy is a worrying time but I don't think there is a need for a separate subject for women who are in that worrying and vulnerable time. Would you like to be part of a topic with familiar names to then be placed in a separate topic of things turned out differently for you and your baby? I've been supported on here in an antenatal group when I lost a baby years ago. To feel I had to leave the threads I had been a part of would have been extremely hurtful at that time. I get your sentiment, but if it was you... Would you really want that?

@Geepipe thank you for understanding I think I am going to do the same thing better that way i totally understand that should be aware of everything but sometimes gets a bit to much bit will do what you said sounds like the right thing xx

waves

You've got to remember that when something difficult crops up, we're all more likely to come looking for support. If we all posted every time we were feeling ok and we'd had a totally normal appointment... that would be a LOT of posts. What you see here is not representative of the chances of something dreadful happening to you. I get the appeal of a 'safe' forum, but the reality is that things happen and very very often the babies turn out absolutely fine. So, repeat after me...

"Gosh how lucky I am to not be going through that situation. It must be really tough for her. I am so grateful that there is ABSOLUTELY NO suggestion that that terrible thing will happen to me."

My anxiety lives on fear and avoidance but gets destroyed by logic, especially when I just keep repeating it. Although it might not feel like it, believe me when I say that if anxiety is your biggest issue in pregnancy, you're in a good position. Keeptalking though, anxiety also hates sharing

You could always just not press on those ones, unfortunately, those things are the reality of early pregnancy sometimes and it can help others to talk about them and relieve their anxiety. I do understand I also have bad anxiety but maybe try looking at other posts where the titles aren’t triggering?

Wouldn't be a bad idea to just include "TW" for trigger warning. Although probably good to exercise some adult responsibility here too and just not read those threads?

You will be better off posting this in Site Stuff or reporting your original post so that MNHQ see it.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy :)

‘Guys’ ?

Hi OP, I get where you’re coming from, and I’m sorry you’re feeling anxious - I know that well! - but also these things aren’t just ‘unfortunate incidents’ they’re a normal part of life and pregnancy. About 20-25% of all recognised pregnancies end in miscarriage and isn’t it better to be prepared and knowledgable about things that could go wrong? When I had my miscarriage it really helped to know it WASNT unusual, it wasn’t me and I wasn’t alone. If we hide all these kind of posts away to create some false rosy view of pregnancy I don’t think that’s really very helpful?

There is actually an area for miscarriage / pregnancy loss under the “body and soul” section. I didn’t know it was there until quite recently. I do understand what you’re saying and also what previous posters are saying about some of this stuff unfortunately being a reality of pregnancy. I can imagine some women find that forum quite difficult to go to when they are not sure what is happening with their pregnancy. Hope your pregnancy progresses well - I completely understand that it is anxiety-inducing - hope you find some resources that are helpful to you.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you can't police a whole section of a site just because some of the topics bother you. People come here to discuss things that are on their mind.

@NishaaS123 echoing what @Secondsop has said, there is a section for "Miscarriage and pregnancy loss". I have posted in there before.

I also know what you mean about finding it hard/anxiety inducing when you read about others experiencing worrying symptoms in the pregnancy section (I feel anxious too), but when someone is worried about something potentially being wrong they probably aren't going to spend lots of time researching which section to post in, so I can empathise with them too.

Hi OP,

Very opportune post actually as I got very anxious upset yesterday after reading posts about a 20+ week pregnancy loss and waters breaking very early! I have terrible anxiety due to previous MC so I totally get where you are coming from! I also don’t think you are being insensitive!

The other posters are completely correct however, you/we could scroll past the posts without reading the details - however I appreciate the title is enough to scare the shit out of you - and these things are justifiably “part” of pregnancy!

There is a miscarriage/still birth forum but if you’ve been happily posting here pre heartbreak then maybe they find comfort and familiar there or are in aware the other forums exist...

What I will say, and I have done, is take a break from MN if it’s getting to you! For me I do a nosey/bored scroll sometimes and am not even looking for advice!

Maybe limit your usage for a bit till your anxiety calms down?

xx

I appreciate that these things are anxiety provoking. But you can't to censor the world. If you find it really hard, remove yourself from the situation. I really don't mean to be harsh, I do feel for you, but everyone is responsible for themselves and the women with losses have a right to speak without shame.

Personally I have struggled with fertility and have had several pregnancy losses. Seeing pregnant women at work or friends who are pregnant upsets me the same way that hearing about complications upsets you. But I can't expect these women to hide their pregnancies to keep me happy, in the same way that you can't expect women to hide their losses to keep you happy.

Sometimes I have slightly avoided pregnant friends when I can't cope or politely excused myself from situations I found upsetting. You can do the same on the internet. Taking a break from social media makes some women feel a lot better!

Best of luck, I wish you all the best with your pregnancy.

1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Many more have complications.

You can expect these women to be shunned to a different area to not offend. They are still pregnant. They're going through enough.

Can't*

I appreciate what you are saying but equally pregnant women having complications or bleeding etc will not want to post in the miscarriage forum for exact same reasons. I posted about bleeding and put the word bleeding in the title of the thread so people who don’t want to see that can scroll past. It’s not unreasonable for the admins to ensure there is a TW trigger warning on posts but there’s such a wide range of things that might be triggering! I do sympathise though but unfortunately pregnancy is generally anxiety inducing especially first pregnancy

@NishaaS123, Are you serious???

People come here for advice and support. Maybe you could stay off mumsnet?

I’d love to be in your position, imagine being that precious that you think you can police a forum because it upsets you. At which point of my bleeding/losing my baby at 8w should I be cast to a dark corner of this forum?

No idea how lucky you are.

Anxiety is horrible, ladies, and can be really debilitating. Everyone's having a difficult time at the moment, and it can manifest itself in different ways. This is a forum for EVERYONE, though, so let's be supportive!