What if I hate being a mum?

[mummyje20]

I'm 7 weeks away from my due date and feeling very very anxious about it all.
I was so excited, so happy to find out I was pregnant and my partner has been supportive throughout.
But now I'm thinking- what if I'm too selfish to have a baby?? What if I hate it? I already have quite severe depression and I'm scared baby will make it worse.
How will I handle not sleeping? How will I know what to do? How can I cope with my family not being around? What if the baby won't stop crying??
I'm completely overwhelmed by it all.
Please, any thoughts or tips are very welcome.

The number of women I've heard say the same thing at about 6-7 months of pregnancy; I don't know what it is about that particular stage but previously they were happy about it. Then they become happy again after a short while. So will you!

Congratulations on your pregnancy and all the best for a normal labour and delivery.

I was the same right before I had my first, spoke to my midwife who said "the fact you're worried about these things already shows you've bonded with your baby already because you're scared that you'll let him down". I too, suffer from depression and anxiety and there are definitely days/moments where I've hated being a mum.... but I also have three now so obviously not that much!

My coping strategy is to be up and dressed before husband leaves for work, be organised, plan activities like baby sensory or jiggy wrigglers or just a pushchair walk. Also, i split the day into three.... morning, afternoon, after 5pm. If one of those has been awful, it doesn't mean the other two will be.

I bet you'll make a lovely mum.

Thank you for your responses. I am so scared of regretting it And resenting her 💔

I had these feelings with my first. It’s okay to worry. It’s also okay if you don’t get that instant rush of love when baby is love. I remember the first night in hospital looking at my baby, and thinking ‘what the hell have I done?’. She’s 15 months now and absolutely the light of my life, I couldn’t be without her. But it’s also a HUGE change and on top of that our hormones are going mad.

Talk to people when your feeling low, and remember you’ll be a great Mum.

When baby is born that should say%•*

There will be times when you hate and times when you think it’s the best thing in the world. There may only be 10 minutes in between these two things.

Definitely agree with getting dressed before your partner leaves.

I agree with pp’s that most first time mothers feel this way. I used to be terrified that I wouldn’t be a good mother and would regret having a baby. The reality couldn’t be further from the truth and I love it.

I’ll second what a pp said and strongly recommend getting up, dressed and out every day. Once DH returned to work I would get up with him and have breakfast together and get dressed before the baby woke up. That way if the baby was unsettled I was ready take him out in the pram straight away. Have your changing bag packed and ready to go at any time too.

In terms of sleep just try sleep when the baby does, night or day and leave the housework until your DP is home.

I think everyone has these thoughts and I had them a few weeks before my baby arrived. I am not the most maternal person and I suddenly thought 'have I made a massive mistake? I lead a very selfish lifestyle with my horse riding and this baby is going to stop that. Why didn't I think this through?! I like my sleep too much. My life is never going to be the same again 😩'.
But then realised it is too late to have these thoughts now, I need to just get on with it.
Baby is now here and I am loving her and being a mum.

My partner leaves so early, sometimes before 6am but yes i need to get up and going in the mornings.
Am terrified and feel quite depressed. But don't want to tell the mental health team about it because I'm already 'high risk'.
I'm so scared I'll be shit.

Thank you all for support x

Maybe chat to your midwife. Feeling this way is not unusual.

Please do chat to the mental health team, being high risk just means they can make sure you have the best support for when baby is here

I was exactly the same. The answer is everything will be fine. The way I am with my child will be different to how you are with yours and how Sandra down the road is with hers. You'll find your way.
Every first time mother feels the way you do. It's perfectly normal.
And pp is right, the fact you feel these things already evidences your love for your child. You'll be fab.

The best advice I can give is don’t go into it with any expectations of what it’s going to be like and how you are going to feel. Everyone tells you that it’s going to be the most amazing thing, that you will a rush of love after the birth and everything will be perfect. Whilst it is an amazing journey, lots of parents don’t feel an immediate rush of love after birth, especially if the birth is traumatic so don’t think you’ve failed if that is the case. Everybody will flock to give you advice on how your baby should be feeding and sleeping. Just take one day at a time, and go with the flow as much as you can. Newborns don’t need a routine, they just need lots of warmth and snuggles. And please don’t ignore feelings if you are struggling mentally. I had post natal depression with my first baby and I ignored it until he was 5 months old. I’m a paeds nurse and everyone just expected me to be an expert, even health professionals. I lost 5 months of his life so don’t hesitate to reach out for support if you need to.
And try and communicate with your partner too, having a baby puts a strain on any relationship however strong it is. Maybe try and work out a plan for night times and what he is going to do so you are prepared for what might happen. Mine used to change the nappies over night and then I took over a fed baby. He needed to sleep because of work, but he also wanted to help a bit. And at weekends I would get a bit of respite. Knowing your roles beforehand can stop arguments at 2 in the morning when you’re both knackered.
Good luck and congratulations. I’m sure you will be absolutely fine and try and savour every special moment of this journey xx