Hello. Sorry about the dramatic title, but I'm not in a good place right now.
My and my partner started trying to conceive In January. By the end of the month, I'd received a faint positive, and we were ecstatic. But a week later, I had a light four day period and the positive faded away. Oh well, we thought. No one really gets lucky on their first try.
But the pregnancy symptoms never truly went away. I kept waiting for my body to reset so that we could try again, and it never did. My boobs continued to feel like they were on fire and my once flat chest was full and heavy. I cramped daily on and off for weeks on end, all the way through February and into March. My favourite drink in the world tasted like dishwater. I had another light, four day period, and waited some more for my body to get the hint.
I'm now at what would effectively be ten and a half weeks. Here's the rub. The millions of home pregnancy tests I've done over the weeks since that positive faded have all been negative. I thought I got a faint shadow five days ago, but all since have been negative.
My main issue here is that my stomach has been GETTING BIGGER this whole time!! Me and my partner are beside ourselves, because I feel pregnant, I look pregnant, but can't prove it. With everything that's going on with the world right now, I'm not considered a priority. I've been back and fore to the doctors, asked for blood tests, ultrasound confirmation. No one will take me seriously. Every appointment ends with 'take another home test'.
We're thinking of renting an ultrasound from one of those companies who cater to mothers who want to get close to their child. But what would I see at ten and a half weeks?
I understand that no one here will have a magical cure all, but any advice you may have will be greatly appreciated. Being pregnant is supposed to be exciting. But how can I allow myself to emotionally bond with a baby that may not even exist?