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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant again after abortion... do I tell my partner

7 replies

Dee96 · 01/04/2020 20:15

I really didnt think I'd be here again it's like I'm reliving the past. Last year during summer I found out I was pregnant. I was reluctant to tell my bf, we was only newly into our relationship however he insisted on me confirming his suspicions and reassured me we was in this together. Long story short we wasnt, and he backed out as it was too much for him to handle. I decided on an abortion, but to this day I dont know if i made that choice for myself as my family and bf were both unsupportive. Our relationship has been full of hardships and were only just getting over a bad patch. Of course by the title I've found out I'm pregnant again, only difference is this time I'm in quarantine with him and his family and at lost on what to do. I dont want to tell him due to the what he reacted last time, and I want time to sort out my own thoughts before having his imposed on me. I'm 23, live back and forth from his and mine as I dont get on my with my parent and obviously not working anymore so dont have an income. During my first pregnancy I reacted so badly when I found out, I was crying g
and shaking, but with this one I feel nothing. I always thought I could never mentally go through another abortion again, but now I dont know what do. Must I tell my partner? How do I go about this situation at all. The idea of having two abortions within less than a year doesnt sit right with me, but at the same time I really wanted to work on myself and getting out of a toxic situation, would a baby hinder that? Yes we was being careful, this pregnancy is totally unexpected.

OP posts:
BabyDancer · 01/04/2020 20:36

Hi OP. Maybe it's time to start taking double the precautions (i.e a form of oral contraceptive and a condom) if you're not looking to get pregnant. You sound young and as though you're in a bad relationship. In your situation, I would get an abortion as it sounds as though you would struggle to bring up a little one right now.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/04/2020 20:41

You might not want another abortion but do you want a baby because you’re regretting the last one? It sounds like you’ll be on your own with no support from him or your family. You need to make your decision assuming you’ll be a single mum if you were to go ahead with the pregnancy. Life sounds complicated for you and your relationship isn’t doing you justice.

Soph7777 · 01/04/2020 20:42

I think you probably need to tell your partner but more importantly you need to start using proper contraception.

Abortion shouldn't be used as contraception. Please start being more responsible.

Gerdticker · 01/04/2020 20:49

Hello lovely

You poor thing. It is so tough being a woman

An abortion is a tough option as you know, but bringing a child into the world in the toxic situation you describe could be terrible for all involved.

Don’t blame yourself or feel guilty; you know you’ve made a mistake and you have to think positive now, and work out the best way forward for you. If that means an abortion, it is not a bad thing. It is the right choice for many many women in all different situations.

One day the time will be right, you will have learned and grown, and can have a family that you are ready for

An organisation called Marie Stopes might be a good place to start for support and advice, you can find their numbers on their website mariestopes.org.uk

Be kind to yourself x

Dee96 · 01/04/2020 20:50

@Soph7777 as I said at the end was using condoms. Which works for majority people. Its simple bad luck that I've ranged in the few that actually get pregnant from then. I dont want to take anything hormonal as I have bad poc. I know abortion isnt a form of contraception, I'm still recovering from the one I went through and have done so all on my own. None of my family nor partner have ever brought it up since so I've been battling in silence. I dont take this lightly. Hence why I dont know whether it's the right thing to do again

OP posts:
grateful222 · 15/09/2020 21:38

Hi OP, just wondering how your situation ended up? Did you continue with your pregnancy? I have a friend in a similar situation and we're looking for any kind of inspiration right now 🤦🏽‍♀️

Phiphi123 · 15/09/2020 23:33

Hi lovely. 11yrs ago when I was 19 I had an abortion and fell pregnant again about 2 months later. Horrible toxic and abusive relationship and I also struggled with the stigma of having 2 abortions in such a short space of time and the “how did I let this happen” but the truth is it does happen so please don’t beat yourself up. It was a really tough time but looking back both were absolutely the right decision for me. Partner at the time has gone on to abuse many more women after me and I am now happily married and pregnant with a much wanted baby and it feels so different to how I felt when pregnant all of those years ago. At the end of the day I know people will disagree but it’s your body who has to go through it all either choice and as you found out with the first pregnancy you are the one who bears responsibility for the pregnancy- you can’t just opt out when things get tough past a certain point like your boyfriend did last time, so my opinion is you don’t have to tell him anything.

Best of luck whatever you decide xx

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