This may be a little long winded...
I'm 22, I have a beautiful little girl who's 19 months from a previous relationship. I was with her dad for 4.5 years, it ended badly and there's a lot of bad blood (mainly on his side). Anyway, we split in early December (2019), it was over long before this point may I add, very toxic in the end.
So I met my current partner just after Christmas, wasn't intentional. I wanted to have time to myself but it just happened and I didn't want to turn down the potential possibility of finding someone who truly made me happy. It all moved a bit fast, faster than I would have liked, if I'm honest. ^
I had just got out of a long term relationship, had to figure out how to be alone with a toddler and deal with work/bills ect by myself. ^
I soon started to see red flags or things that I didn't like. Quite major things (I won't go into them) but things I wouldn't accept around my daughter nor want her to be brought up around.
He had promised to put his old life behind him and start a fresh with my and my daughter. I trusted him - have no reason not to. He was asked to leave his parents home (due to the reasons above) and had no where to go. I wasn't keen on the idea of him moving in so quick but felt I was ablidged to help.
He moved in, helped around the house, was great with my daughter. Then it started to go downhill, stopped helping ect guess the honeymoon stage wore off I guess.
So in February we had unprotected sex, I took the morning after pill, 5 weeks later find I'm pregnant - I assume I was too late for the morning after pill.
My first reaction was shock, I didn't know what to do. Told my partner and he straight away said abortion. I was ok with that, I'm young, I don't want two children with two different dads at this age, plus the grief I would get from my daughters dad. And in all honestly I had just got some of my free time back with my daughter being at her dads every other weekend. It was very irresponsible and I understand this but I'm due to start university in October, the timing just isn't right. I'm unsure if the relationship will even last with my and my current partner. It's only been four months and it's already moved far too quickly.
We booked an appointment for an abortion, everything was fine. Then one day he came home from work and said he couldn't have an abortion (he had been to the pub after work) I assumed it was due to the drink and just brushed it off. It caused an argument and ended in him storming out (back to the pub May I add.)
He returned, tail between his legs and apologised. But then dropped the bomb shell that he told his PARENTS and brother as well as some friends at the pub. He didn't say we were ending the pregnancy, he told them we were continuing with it!!
I was fuming. I explained we would have a convosation when he hasn't been drinking. Following day I brought up the situation and again, he agreed we couldn't continue with the pregnancy. End of... untill the next day.
It was his friends birthday and we met them at the pub to celebrate. His mum poped in and I said I would take her home (obviously hadn't been drinking so I could drive) she did the whole congratulations, how far ect. I was unsure of what to say as my partner had not explained we were not continuing. I told them we were unsure of what we were planning on doing. She said she was disappointed and upset, about how much she was looking forward to it.
We returned to the pub and I told my partner about the conversation with his mum, he then again turned around and said he wanted to keep it. Again, had been drinking.
I told him we would talk about it in the morning and just kept dodging the question of are we keeping this pregnancy or not. After having a drink was not the time to discuss such a hard topic.
He ended up telling multiple other people that night, friends/family ect. I was mortified, I felt like I had no choice but to continue with this pregnancy. All the people who now know. They were so happy for him and now are going to be looking at me, blaming me for not wanting to continue. His parents will hate me, our relationship will no doubt end.
This was two weeks ago. I'm going to get bashed for this I know. But I said we could continue with the pregnancy. I felt so much pressure from him and his friends and family and I hated the idea of an abortion. I thought going on in time j would grow to accept this pregnancy and become excited. But I don't, I don't feel the same as I did with my daughter. I know I don't want this pregnancy but now I completely stuck. This isn't fair on him and I understand this but he put so much pressure on me and felt like I had no choice. I've realised in the last few weeks my feelings aren't going to change - no matter how much I hoped they would. I haven't told a sole about my news as I don't want people to know. Where as before with my daughter I wanted to sing it from the rooftops.
I am terrified over the though of an abortion, I hate the idea of it. I've always been so so so against them until I've been put in the is position. I do not feel it's fair on my daughter nor this child to come into the world on such uncertain terms and I cannot be a single mother to two, from two different dads at 23.
I'm going to get bashed and I know this but I just want to know if anyone's been in a similar situation or any advice on how to deal with this?
My partner is very unstable (not in an abusive way and would never lay a hand on me) but this could push him over the edge and I'm worried.
It's all such a mess