Petrified of giving birth for the second time

[Lemondropsandgumdrops]

Trigger warning - this is my second baby and my first labour wasn’t fantastic. I really don’t want to scare anyone so please don’t read ahead if that kind of thing will bother you!

I just found out we’re expecting number 2, we’ve not even known 48 hours yet. This baby was unplanned and a total surprise in the sense that I really did not expect to fall. My first baby we tried for almost a year, I have always had very irregular cycles (sometimes 100+ days in between) and an internal scan showed polycystic ovaries on both sides. We had seen the doctor and were preparing to go back for our ‘been trying for a year and nothing’ appointment when I fell. My DD is 15 months currently and I’ve only had 2 periods since having her (they only came back at Christmas) so hadn’t thought it would happen so easily.

Pregnancy was fairly good, some very minor niggles but nothing extreme.

My labour wasn’t great - I mean there are definitely worse cases but it was far from what I expected. I was initially booked for the birth centre, with hopes of a lovely calm water birth.

Unfortunately my blood pressure was sky high when I arrived and the midwives were concerned about late onset preeclampsia so I was moved to labour ward. I failed to progress naturally, and after 16 hours of contracting (and was refused any pain medication because I was only at 3cm!) was given the induction drug to progress things. I was advised to have an epidural as I was completely exhausted by this point, which I took, but also meant I was essentially strapped down to the bed with the monitoring equipment and unable to get up and move.

I developed a temperature overnight so had to start antibiotics. Once I had fully dilated they realised baby was back to back and this was causing an issue. A doctor was called to assist the delivery who said he was going to help ‘turn’ her, and also made the decision I would need the ventouse to assist the delivery, along with an episiotomy.

Once I delivered, I immediately had a large blood loss and there was lots of things going on, I remember asking what was happening and the doctor not replying (obviously doing his job and focusing on fixing the problem, which is fine) but feeling anxious.

Ultimately it was fine - he stopped the bleeding effectively and I avoided a transfusion, and was stitched up.

I know in the scheme of things that it could have been so much worse and I’m grateful for the team who helped prevent it becoming a real emergency, but since I found out about this pregnancy it is all I can think about. I’m absolutely petrified to go through all that again. I know I only dilated to 3cm ‘unassisted’ but it was 16 hours from waters breaking and contractions starting to the epidural and I was refused any pain relief as they ‘don’t offer it until 4cm’. I can remember feeling so so helpless and just not managing the pain at all and I’m terrified the same thing will happen.

Sorry for the ramble, I guess I’m just looking for some reassurance that second births aren’t as bad?!

I’m place marking but will be back later. I had a not great first birth but horrific after care which lead to me developing spesis and ptsd symptoms. My second birth was completely different - I had to do lots of work and fight for it but it was amazing in comparison. I will explain what I did later.

Thank you so much, I really appreciate that. Look forward to hearing it later :)

My second birth was SO much better than my first! I like you were petrified of going through it all again, my first birth I really thought I was going to die but second time around I didn't even think I was in labour! It wasn't painful just uncomfortable and instead of the 12 hour labour with all the pain relief I could get I popped baby number 2 out in one hour and no pain relief.
Please don't worry unnecessary you could find your body knows what to do this time! Good luck xxx

My first birth was awful and traumatic and painful- everything was fine with baby but I was induced, had ventose and then forceps with no pain medication, episotemy and large blood loss. Was not looking forward to second birth to say the least but was so positive compared to first! Very fast but body knew what to do this time and walked out of hospital 4 hours later with baby- no intervention and little blood loss. I know not for everyone but second births are often easier so try not to worry!

Thank you! This is what I need I think, real life stories of people who found it easier the second time.

It’s awful because with my first I was ecstatic to be pregnant, I was grinning from ear to ear the second we found out but this time I cried when we found out and I think partly because of how scared I am.

You could ask about an elective c section?

First labour was around 52 hours from first contraction (although they basically refused to believe me at first) and was the hardest thing I have ever done!! I didn’t get any pain relief except paracetamol. Second baby was so much better! Delivered at home in 6 hours from first contraction, not even a paracetamol. This was a back to back baby who was 9lb 6 with a head off the scale!! Hypno birthing is amazing and I couldn’t recommend it enough. I didn’t do a course just taught myself and did pregnancy yoga. I have also used the relaxation techniques for other things since, such as complex root canal.

I had an awful first birth, when I went into labour with my second I was so scared I was actually shaking and begging dh to do it for me. Only just got to the hospital in time because labour was less than an hour, I lay on the bed, removed my pants for the midwife to check how dilated I was and dd slid out like a salmon. I couldn't stop laughing, I was like a mad woman with relief. No stitches, no pain relief, nothing.

My first birth was really not great.....v overdue, Slow, slow progress, over two nights, induction etc stuck baby, assisted delivery that eventually worked as they lined me up for emergency c section etc etc. Lots of people in the room... Longest minutes of my life as they worked on baby. But all fine eventually..think DH & I both traumatised & exhausted .. I just wanted to sleep..

2nd baby... Was going to be even bigger... They wanted to induce me... I was scared at beginning and as it got closer... We had a lovely family day out at 38 weeks.. I sat in sun like beached whale feeling really calm and happy. Waters went at 7pm, could really feel it by 9 on way in to be checked, delivered just after midnight... A bigger baby (even early) but it was a so much better birth.. Yes it hurt, but I progressed, my body knew what it had to do and just did it...it was exhilarating, fabulous, awesome experience.
I wish you an equally great 2nd birth....

It does sound like you had a very difficult first labour. There's no reason it should be that way again. I have had inductions with both my kids. Youngest is 8 weeks old.

The whole of labour was traumatic the first time. Well, to be expected, our bodies go through a massive ordeal. Second time not as bad, and quicker! However the hormone induction drip I found absolutely horrible. The pessary was much more bearable in my experience.

Have some counselling. I wish had tbh. And listen to the options. You can choose a c section if you want to.

Obviously there are no guarantees but my first was awful (again, worse cases but still pants), not dissimilar to yours. Went on for days, induction drugs, no pain relief for about 24 hours, eventual forceps in theatre..

Had my second two weeks ago in 6 hours with ‘real’ labour being 3 hours. Had a sweep at midday. Mild contractions started at 6pm. By 8pm, I kept having to stop eating my tea as it hurt. Still wasn’t convinced though, so downloaded a tracker app & monitored for an hour. By 9pm, I was doubled over & getting a contraction every 2/3 mins. Called my mum, went to hospital for around 9.45ish. At this point, I was getting a contraction every 2 minutes. It was bonkers. Baby arrived just before midnight after 3 pushes. Only pain relief was gas & a codeine. It was intense, very painful but a million times better than my first. The bad pain was only 3 hours. I was elated I did it all by myself this time. I’m a real wuss with pain so I’m still really proud of myself 😂 it was so fast, there was no time to be stressed/worried etc, just had to get on with it! I probably did scream the hospital down though.. 😳 I did tear as she came out so quickly at the end but it’s healed up way quicker than my episiotomy did!

So there is hope! Really hope things go well for you!

My first birth was near identical to yours, second was much better. Induced again but without epidural or assisted delivery and although I had a PPH, it was expected and dealt with quickly. Don’t let the fear of a repeat of last time smother the joy of your precious pregnancy.

Congratulations

I had a really traumatic birth with my first daughter. I didn't realise how much it had affected me until I became pregnant with second daughter. At the time, my local hospital offered a service where they came out with my birth notes and went through them with me. It really helped me to process it all and to understand that what happened in my first labour wouldn't necessarily happened in my second. May be worth seeing if your hospital or midwife team offers something similar? X

Sounds like tokophobia , ask to be refered to peri natal mental health xxx

Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy I didn't have a particularly good labour with either, first I had a episiotomy and vontouse, second baby wasn't happy, had emergency section, however.....despite the difficult labours with both, I'm already pestering for baby number three eventually (and lo is only 17 weeks)

My first was traumatic ended up on itu after a large bleed with multiple transfusions and took months to recover.
Like many others my second (twins) was natural birth and was such a different experience. I only needed gas and air but was offered other things. I was reassured throughout my pregnancy that I would be monitored much more closely. I recovered much quicker and within 5 days of birth was doing the school run with twins on foot.
If you've had one traumatic birth you'll probably be seen by a consultant and go down a different pathway. You can use your experience to talk to the midwives /Drs to let them know how you feel and what you'd like next time. You may even want to seek counselling to talk through the last labour.

Can you have a C-section, OP? That’s what I did for the second one after a traumatic 1st birth.

I had severe HG until term, then the labour was 28 hours, baby got stuck, instrumental delivery in the end, 3rd degree tear that took a year to recover from, haemorrage and multiple blood transfusions. Then I had anaemia for months after and developed PND. Wasn’t helped by living abroad and doing everything in a foreign language either.

When I got pregnant with number 2, my obstetrician suggested a section straight away. It was soooo much easier; in and out. Compared to the injuries I had first time around, the wound was a piece of cake and healed pretty quickly. Was definitely the best decision for me. Worth asking about if I were you.

These are all really, really helpful to read. Thank you so much to everyone who has shared. It’s reassuring to hear that plenty of you have had second labours that went much better than the first!

In answer to a few questions - I assume a C Section would be an option and I will definitely discuss it when I see my midwife. I’ve not thought about it enough to know whether it’s a realistic option for me yet though.

Our hospital do have a ‘birth reflections’ team as far as I know, so that’s actually a really good idea to look into that and see if that may help by talking it through.

Like a lot above - first was: Induction, took hours, back to back, exhausted, epidural so was also strapped to bed, pushing stage lasted forever so thy did an episiotomy and forceps. Was traumatic for me and I lost lots of blood. Recovery from whole thing and the episiotomy took a very long time as it’ got infected and opened up. suffered flash backs for a year roughly :(.

Second- lovely (but obviously painful!!) waterbirth in midwife led unit. Had a few stitches. Very proud of myself! Recovery must have been quick as I remember we went camping 3 was later x

Hope that helps too.

Now pregnant with number 3 😬

Oh my goodness, 2nd babies are usually so much easier than 1sts! My second was one of my favourite days ever, my first was a hellish endurance torture fest. Back to back often means v v slow progress so take a look at Spinning Babies website and do everything in your power to get that baby in a good position! My no 4 was back to back and bloody hell, compared to 1-3 it was so so slow and painful I needed all the drugs after 3 drug free labours, plus it took 22 hours vs 3 previous DC. Wish I'd done more to get baby OP, but too late for that now!!

My first was very similar to yours, I remember the pain started on a Monday evening and Ds1 being born Wednesday at 9pm. Also back to back, painful beyond belief, everyone in a panic befor a ventouse assisted delivery and episiotomy. Understandably, like you, I shed many tears when pregnant the second time. But Ds2 was SO much easier! Painful I wont lie and I was swearing like a trooper at DH but it definitely quick and a whole lot easier. The body has already been through the trauma so knows exactly what to do.

Now I am about 8 weeks pregnant with Dc3. The nerves have kicked in, not helped by the fact that I was my friend's birth partner last year and she had a terrible experience. Not helpful I know OP, but this has really helped me and reminded me that more than likely everything will be fine.

If you didn’t have one at the time I’d recommend you ask for a debrief from the hospital. This will help you understand the decisions that we’re made, and some accounts may be different from what you remember. Because you have enough to think about when giving birth.
With everything that is going on, I’d recommend you wait until their is less pressure on the NHS to request this.
So sorry about your trauma, as someone else suggested counselling might help.
I’d also recommend hypnobirthing. There are online options you can go for too. Wishing you a happy, healthy pregnancy xx

My first birth was endless and eventually I had an emergency c section. My second was a dream... your body knows what it’s doing. It was fairly quick, completely normal and I didn’t feel stressed at all. The difference between the two was amazing. You’ll be fine. X

I was dreading giving birth the whole way through my second pregnancy. One of my biggest concerns (sounds possibly similar for you) was how to manage the pain before the stage where the hospital will let you at all the drugs. I used a Tens this time which I found really made a difference during those early stages. The tens also meant i was in control enough to actually use some breathing techniques as well rather than just screaming 😬

It'll almost certainly be quicker as well. My first was a spontaneous labour. My second was an induction, started with a 24 hour pessary because my cervix was showing absolutely no signs of softening, and it was still quicker from start to finish than my first.

I wrote a long reply but lost it as the page refreshed just before I posted it.

You can absolutely choose a c section if you want. Look at the information from the charity AIMS. I was desperate to avoid another C section and I did.

Things that helped me;

• asked for a referral to maternal mental health team
• ring the ward and ask to speak to a pma midwife and be very truthful with them. This was the gateway for me getting support. They organised a private tour of the ward and spent over 30 mins in a birthing room talking to me. Came with me to consultants appointments to mediate, helped me get what I want in during the birth and made sure I was extremely well looked after.
• buy the positive birth book
• do the positive birth company hypnobirthing course and get their positive affirmation cards (no the same people as the book)
• use by birthing ball regularly throughout pregnancy and all the time at the end to help make sure baby was in a good position
• make sure DH was well briefed to advocate and support me
• detailed birth plans, one vbac and on emcs while realising that this might not work
• worked out how to make the room comfy, think of the 5 senses. I had LED candles and a underwater disco light in the birth pool.
• you may want to explore the positive birth movement

I’m not going to lie during the pushing stage I did think I wanted a c section instead. I’m so glad I got the birth I did.