39 weeks pregnant. Just do not know what to do for the best (birthing plan)?!

[Maggie90]

Hi all.

First time poster, feeling very anxious and just wanted some advice on my very strange birthing plan idea?

I have been in knots for last few days. I’m 39 weeks pregnant and obviously due to give birth in next few weeks.

I have a 13 year old daughter already and really just don’t know what to do for the best in regards to when I actually go into labour.

Originally, my daughter was going to go to a friends if I was in labour (day or night) but they are now in isolation due to sore throats etc. There was one other back up but friend is a key work so not isolating. Really do not feel comfortable with this option which leaves very limited options.

My daughter has suggested that we leave her at home when I am in labour but I just do not feel comfortable doing this at all so had a crazy idea..

I have suggested to husband that he drives me to maternity hospital when I’m ready to go. Partners are not allowed in until established labour so he would have to wait in the car anyway. My daughter comes too and waits in the car and I call husband when I’m ready to push (car park is 30 seconds walk from ward).

This would mean leaving daughter in the car for a couple of hours potentially, she is fine with this idea.

Husband would then have to leave anyway as only allowed to stay an hour after birth. I am hoping to be discharged pretty quickly after birth, obviously all being well and then would just meet husband in the car. Obviously if it’s going to be a while, daughter and him would go home and wait for call.

I feel utterly mad just writing this and know it sounds so silly but husband and I share a car and I’m worried if I take car on my own and their were complications, he wouldn’t be able to get to hospital.

I am hoping and preying that I go into labour during the day as I have less of an issue leaving her at home for a while in the daytime.

My mum is an essential worker so also is not isolated so wouldn’t be able to take daughter there.

I even thought if it was the middle of the night, leaving daughter at home and getting my mum to park up outside the house just to make sure she’s safe.

Not really sure what I am asking other than how crazy is this idea given the current circumstances?

... My goodness, what an odd post to have to be writing. A month ago, it was as easy as drop her at mums or friends and off we go.

What about leaving her at home makes you uncomfortable?

I think it would better to leave her at home, assuming she is relatively mature and sensible.

I'd leave her home

I’d definitely leave her at home rather than sitting on her own in a car for hours.

I’m not sure what makes me uncomfortable really.

I think she would be absolutely fine but I would just worry that on this one occasion she wasn’t.

I am normally fine with leaving her for a while in the day, but I am full of anxiety about the whole situation.

I think I may need to just go to the hospital on my own if it’s night time but I just find the whole concept of my husband not being there for our child’s birth just so strange.

Other than the normal worry of complications and what not, I feel I could do it on my own if I absolute needed to.

I’ve just read my previous post back and I can see how irrational it sounds!

I think I may pregnancy anxiety/madness.

I’d leave her at home, she can still ring your dp if she needs to.

I'm team 'leave her at home'.

Assuming you aren't someone who gives birth super-quickly, and you live reasonably near to the hospital, is there any reason you couldn't combine that with your plan to call your husband when you're closer to delivering (not, like, waiting until the second you need to push, obviously, but closer to then) and he could drive to the hospital at that point?

On a purely comfort level, what if she's left sitting for hours in the car, at night (it's been pretty cold lately), on her own? How is that better than being at home in bed? And are you really comfortable that it's safer for her to be there than at home?

I think it all sounds very boring who knows how long that part of Labour would last! I would get husband to drop you off and then leave her at home when he comes back for the active stage.

P.s. I'm also planning on labouring alone whilst husband looks after toddler. I actually feel more relaxed about this than labouring whilst toddler is with family... So I understand the irrational thoughts.

Do you have neighbours you trust to help her in an emergency?
I'd definitely leave her at home

@Maggie90 I can understand all of your anxieties and your post does not make you look crazy, just a worried mother in uncertain times!

I’d be worried about phone signal if you left her at home, as it is notoriously bad in hospitals, and she likely won’t be able to get hold of either of you. I do think it is a good idea to have your mum outside in case she does need anything. She may also feel a little anxious knowing that her mum is in labour, so it might make her feel a bit better maybe? What a tricky situation

Your post isn’t mad, we are all mad with worry at mo.
Is she old enough to understand the importance of social distancing and all that at mo?
If your mum (or someone else) was in the house could she be downstairs and your teen in her bedroom for the duration being brought food/drinks to her but with no contact?
Even my reply is weird, every conversation is just so strange at the moment.
I’ll be labouring soon, with a toddler, and have similar, but different, worries

please don't leave her in the car! I got a lift to the hospital yesterday and due to all the restrictions the person that took my had to wait in the car. He was frozen after 45 mins and had to get out to walk around to warm up. That was during the day. She would be frozen at night. She would be much safer tucked up at home than sat in a car park alone in the dark. That would be quite eery for an adult, let alone a young teenager.

Another one here for leaving her at home. She can sleep, eat, use the bathroom etc whenever she wants, rather than being stuck in the car for hours.
And if you’re concerned about phone signal, just give her the phone number of the hospital/delivery suite.
You don’t sound irrational btw, just a concerned anxious mum x

Definitely leave her at home. 13 is plenty old enough for that. I think she could end up feeling quite sad/lonely/bored/worried for you if left in the car. I am nearly 39 weeks pregnant myself so I do understand feeling so anxious in this time. All the best for the birth.